Boys Rule

The following is not an excerpt from my book but continues to illustrate the concept of how the spirit of Jezebel fuels strong black woman fires.

“Boys rule. Girls don’t,” Joshua exclaimed from the other room as he was watching some commercial that showed children somehow interacting. After asking what he meant, he said, “Boys rule because they can be husbands and girls can only rule their children.” You know I was taken aback. He understood the assigned roles of husbands and wives in the home, gathered from the structure of our home, and expressed this in his 7-year-old way, but I was not impressed with his theology; I was concerned about his sexology. His domineering tone of “boys rule” hallowed my gut and made me think “He’s a little sexist in the making” and all I wanted to do was tell him all the ways that I, a “girl,” ruled beyond overseeing my children.

I wanted to tell him that I led my classrooms as a teacher, ran my department as a director, organized my team as a department coordinator, rallied my sorors and church members as committee chair for several committees and with most of these I was leading women AND men. Then I thought to explain how “only” ruling my children was the most important, exhausting and rewarding job that I ever had so now it tops the list of my daily responsibilities. But I didn’t say any of this because I recognized that Jezebel was haunting me and trying to scare me into standing up and taking my place in the eyes of my 7-year-old. She urged me to make him see that I, too, was worthy of broad-based rulership recognition in his eyes. I may have wanted him to say “Boys rule and girls do, too,” but Jezebel wanted Joshua to say “Girls rule and boys don’t.” She wanted me to displace my husband all so that my son could see another “boss” side to me (1 Timothy 2:12).

Though I am clear that my husband should be leading the home and am pleased that he’s not a tyrant, I want to listen to Jezebel. Though I have no doubt that my role is to manage the home, including being the primary manager of the children, I want to follow Jezebel’s ways. Though Joshua has acknowledged “you pastor your disciples,” I want to choose Jezebel’s words so that Joshua can see through me that “girls rule.” Besides talking to my husband about our need to be more purposeful in teaching our sons about gender equality in personhood, I kept my mouth shut with Joshua. I realized that I wouldn’t be trying to lovingly teach him about gender equality. I wanted to right the wrong of his thinking, to get him to see that girls rule too. But really it wasn’t about being right; it was about being recognized. When you want to be recognized you follow your own standards; you do what you think is necessary so that you are recognized even if it’s just in the eyes of your 7-year-old son. But when you want to be right, you follow God’s standards. You do what He told you to do no matter what anybody thinks about it. When you want to be right, you accept what God has for you and don’t seek approval from man. When you want to be right, you humble yourself and wait on God to exalt you, even in the eyes of your 7-year-old son.

So I waited, but I guess subconsciously I thought God was taking too long to exalt me. Over the weekend, I stopped waiting and went along with Jezebel, and it was not pretty. Tune in next time and I’ll tell you all about that then.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Day 17: Married Jezebels

When people see you do they get the impression that you aren’t married? When people see you, is your husband never around? If he is around, how do you sound when speaking to him? How do you sound when speaking about him? What are your actions in reference to him? These questions are for married AND single women because we are both wed to someone.

And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband (1 Corinthians 7:34).

Aside from pleasing God, a married woman’s major goal is to please her husband. For single women, the primary goal is to please the Lord. In order to do this we have to make sure that we aren’t acting unmarried and overconfident—being Jezebel—in relation to our husbands and God.

The name Jezebel means unmarried and she was Zidonian, a people group known to be over-confident and who showed no caution at all (Judges 18:7). And when you read about Jezebel, she epitomized her name. She took charge over her husband and his affairs as if she were his mother and talked to him without regard to his feelings. Does this sound like you? Do you take charge over your husband and his affairs? How about God? Do you take charge of the business God has given you without regard to HOW he would have you to do it? Do you say things like, “You know my heart God” after doing or saying what you want? You may be a Jezebel and didn’t even know it, but you can always change.

Acting unmarried while you’re married and being overconfident are unlawful acts, going against the very standard of God and God himself. When God created the provisions for marriage, Jezebel was the antithetical model. If we’re out of order we can get in order by examining ourselves for Jezebel and declaring war on this lawless part of our souls.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Day 16: You as Jezebel

She’s haunting me and I know it. I feel her breath on my neck, hear her words in my ears and see her face in my mind. Jezebel visits me time after time, trying to scare me to bring her to existence. She’s on my heels, whispering what woes will be mine if I don’t act in time. “I know you’re tired of them calling. Just call to work out an arrangement so your lights don’t get shut off,” she says. “He said he didn’t have time for devotions with the children. You better work it out so your kids won’t be spiritually weak,” she warns. And she sounds good and I picture how she looks, a trusted girlfriend, shaking her dome like a Bobble head, eyes piercing and wide and saying, “You know!” I do know because Bruhman just ain’t understanding what needs to be done, and I DO want to show him, like, uh, yesterday. Sometimes I slip and do my own thing and am quickly convicted that I just listened to Jezebel, let her in and allowed her to work in my life.

Unmasking the Jezebel Spirit by John Paul Jackson


While Jezebel has come to be a name to demean sexually manipulative women, her origin is one who manipulates circumstances that ultimately manipulate the spirit world. In history she was queen of Israel and wife of King Ahab, a weak man that allowed his wife to rule him and the kingdom. Read 1 Kings 18-19 & 21 to see how she managed her husband and their subjects by herself without his consultation or direction. Her name appears again in Revelation 2, when Jesus challenges the church for tolerating “Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols.” Some scholars believe Jesus was speaking of the period to come before the Reformation when the church incorporated indulgences and the high regard of saints into its worship practices. Whatever the historical event, the spiritual implication is this: when you allow a spirit of lawlessness to rule, whether it be in your church or in your personal life, you are tolerating Jezebel.

When you allow Jezebel to reign, God promises to deal with that power and you by allowing you to go through suffering and your children to die. Is this death literal? It could be, but surely there will be spiritual degeneration for your children; having you as such a close spiritual model will inevitably cause corruption in their spiritual lives. Be it literal or figurative, why take the chance? Why allow Jezebel that type of entrance into your home and into your life? I always believe that when we know better we can do better. If you didn’t know about Jezebel, now you do and I have some more for you, too, next time. But for now, examine yourself to see if you have allowed Jezebel to exist in your life. If so, it’s time to let her go. If you keep her around, suffering is sure to come (or is in) your way.

Check out “Unmasking the Jezebel Spirit” by John Paul Jackson for a total treatment on the spirit of Jezebel.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Day 14: Strong's in the Bones?

Some years ago I read a book that seemed to suggest that the strong black woman was inevitable because black women have always had to take the lead, starting in West Africa. In The Black Woman, edited by La Frances Rodgers-Rose, the editor says Continue reading

Day 13: History Shaping You

Every society has myths that either makes the society famous for being archaic or heroic in a supernatural way. Whether folklore or tradition, many myths become so entrenched in society that they are hard to distinguish from reality. What’s more is people unknowingly perpetuate myths, and, unfortunately, continue a cycle of abuse in the process.

Continue reading