Marital Oneness

Posted on March 25, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

“I don’t need no man,” many a strong black woman has said. And she is right. In fact, if you look at why God made woman, you could infer that the man needs a woman (Gen. 2:18-23). But I don’t think this is what God wants us to get from that passage. It’s about two whole people coming together to enhance each other’s wholeness and being on one accord. This is what I think typifies oneness; two people can come together knowing their strengths and weaknesses and contribute and accept enhancement from the other (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). The two agree, based on God’s word, how they will develop this oneness.

Oneness wasn’t even in my mind when I was demanding a new family structure from what my husband-to-be was accustomed to (see previous entry). I told him that we were not going to his people’s house. I didn’t tell him what I thought and ask him what he thought so together we could decide what a new family custom might be. I was also drawing the line between what’s his and what’s mine, by referring to his birth family as his people instead of seeing them as our people. Being one means his family becomes my family. He leaves them and becomes one with me, not being under his parents’ rules anymore but operating based upon the guidelines of our new family (Genesis 2:24). Our oneness now requires synergy based upon a scriptural model. And part of the scriptural model for marriage is the different roles assigned to husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:21-33). I’ll talk about that more next time, but for now, in what ways may you have disrupted oneness in marriage? What about others you know? You know I want your feedback. I look forward to receiving it.

Marital Equality

Posted on March 23, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

I had it all figured out. I told my husband to be: “When we get married, we ain’t going over to your people’s house every week for dinner. And I’m still going to present at academic conferences. I’ll just have our baby strapped to me, but I’m going.” There was no way that I was going to be obligated to his family’s idea of together time, and there was no way that I was going to stop my career aspirations. I knew the scriptures told a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and I knew that God had gifted me to work just like He had gifted my man (Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 12:4-11). I wanted to assert myself, make sure that he knew how things were laying before he gave me the ring, before I said I do. I wanted him to know that he couldn’t make all the decisions because we were equal. But none of my thoughts considered what God had to say about marriage, namely that the two shall be one and that husbands and wives have different roles. I’ll discuss both more fully in future entries.

I didn’t consider what God had to say because I thought what I had to say was more important (Proverbs 3:7). My wisdom told me that we could still operate married like we were single and that we were equal in how we should function. And though I talked about the 50/50 split in marriage, I always wrestled with that one because my common sense let me know that would be impossible (though it would be ideal, I thought); the only way you could split everything 50/50 in marriage is if you marry your clone.

Marital equality calls for each spouse to seek to operate fully in their functions, not to perform the same functions. And sometimes these functions require what you’d rather not do, like submit to attending a family dinner or postpone an academic career to properly care for children. Initially both seemed hard, but God’s wisdom has proven that my notions were the way of death (Proverbs 14:12).

Feminist Notions

Posted on March 20, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

I told you I have never considered myself a feminist, but consider the notions I had as a strong black woman (and maybe you did or still do have) that could be considered feminist:

As I examine my former thoughts, I realize that I gave priority to my womanhood; I considered my existence by giving preference to my female desires with little or no regard to the negative effects on men or children. These feminist notions truly are from the human spirit and not the Holy Spirit, but they made me feel good about myself and humanity. I believed that humanity could evolve from the bondages of patriarchal boundaries by removing the boundaries to freely choose unrestrained egalitarianism or even matriarchy.

Yes, we are free to choose, but we are not free to choose any natural consequences of our decisions. When we as Christians decide what’s best for us apart from God, we have eliminated Him as God in our life and have taken the throne (Judges 17:6, 21:25). Jesus Christ is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), and if we believe that, our decisions have to reflect that.

Sheroe List

Posted on March 15, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

For his book “100 Greatest African Americans,” Dr. Molefi Asante used five factors for his selection criteria:

As Christian women who are black, how can we develop criteria for a Christian womanhood that includes the racial part of us without compromising biblical mandates? I would love your feedback to help me solidify a new theory, one that I have been developing for years.

Afrocentrism

Posted on March 13, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Dr. Molefi Asante

“You’re Afrocentric,” people often say to me, referring to my hair or the way I often dress. This is because I’ve worn my hair in its natural state for the past 17 years and don African clothes. Hair and clothes are just outward expressions, though, and don’t necessarily reflect a person’s worldview. Afrocentrism or Afrocentricity is much more than hair and clothes. This theory explores African identity from the perspective of African people throughout the world. Afrocentrism, developed by scholar Molefi Kete Asante, Ph.D. (though many more before him advanced the concept), more than two decades ago, also seeks to look at the world by emphasizing the contributions of people of African descent. If you practice Afrocentrism you are an Afrocentrist and your view is Afrocentric.

This concept has gone from the classroom and into everyday life, as seen in the comments toward me. As this concept has spread many have rejected it because of the view that Afrocentrists seek to displace other views in favor of Afrocentrism. Dr. Asante says that his goal is to have Afrocentrism as one view among many. The goal of Afrocentrism is not to displace but to come along side other worldviews to offer an alternative view, one through the eyes of people who have often been marginalized and made to embrace other cultures (i.e., European) without regard to their own (http://tinyurl.com/conpew). This theory, like feminism and just about any other worldview, has extremists. The extreme Afrocentrist may believe in black supremacy and seek to replace all other worldviews.

So some women who call themselves strong black women consider themselves Afrocentric. And though I’m recovering from my strong black woman status, I consider myself, for the most part, an Afrocentrist. Beyond my clothes and hair, my personal goal is for people to see, hear and understand all of me, not just the Christian me, but the black me and the woman me. I have to be on guard so that Afrocentrism doesn’t become extreme in me and I forget that Christ has called me to be a minister of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-20). In a non-biblical way, people can reconcile by seeing each other and not trying to be the other. But higher than that is the way of Christ, where true reconciliation is with God the Father through a relationship with Jesus Christ. As I seek to have people understand me, the first way I need to promote is the way of Christ.

Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman

Tag Archives: Woman

Marital Oneness

Marital Equality

Feminist Notions

Sheroe List

Afrocentrism