No Excuse for Abuse

Some women just don’t know how to nurture their children. Yesterday I was sitting in my child’s second grade glass with other parents and children, including non-school age ones, when one baby, about 2 or 3, whined just a bit too much for his mom so she popped him. I don’t know where she hit him but I heard the sound and then him crying as he blinked huge tears from his eyes that begged her to hug him, love him, what seemed like what his whining was about in the first place. She ignored his little brown face that beckoned to be kissed and for tears to be wiped away. Instead, she dismissed him to go with his older sister so she could nurture him instead.

As we observe domestic violence awareness month, with a particular emphasis on women, I don’t want us to forget the children. Granted, it’s hard to separate the focus on children when you are speaking about women who suffer abuse. Many times children experience abuse at the hands of their mother’s abusers. If they don’t suffer physical abuse, watching their mother suffer results in their arrested psychological, emotional, and social development among other stagnations. But my focus for this post is not physical violence against children at the hands of their fathers or mothers’ boyfriends but is on spiritual abuse against children at the hands of their own mothers.

With the broad definition of abuse being the improper treatment of somebody, especially on a consistent basis, I find that Christian mothers spiritually abuse their children when they don’t teach them spiritual principles to help them develop into healthy Christ-like human beings. Their children are bound to mirror the world’s ways that say the best success is financial and material gain. This spiritual abuse happens because some women simply don’t know what to do. Well, my women’s pastor, Renee M. Carr of Detroit’s Evangel Ministries, gives the first step that’s necessary to spiritually nurturing children: having what she calls “maternal vision.”

Maternal vision is to perceive by any of your senses what must be done with your child; to have regard for and to cherish them. In other words, you must be able to see what your child can become and, therefore, understand what needs to be done to help him or her to get there. Or in the negative sense, prevent him or her from getting there. God has wonderful plans in store for your children and Satan has diabolical ones. It’s our job as mothers to have maternal vision so we bring God’s plan to fruition and frustrate Satan’s devices so we nurture spiritually healthy children. We must see what type of parent, employer or employee, and friend they can become. We must see what type of moral agent they can become. In essence, we must see how God would have them impact the world. Begin to pray that God will open your eyes and other senses so you see His and Satan’s plans for your child so you can begin to develop a plan to spiritually nurture your child with precision.

In the next few posts, I plan to discuss more of Pastor Carr’s maternal vision, including how to get it and once you get it, what needs to be done to put it in motion. Stay tuned.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

10 Ways to Nurture Your Husband

Invest in Yourself

1. Make a commitment to be a biblical wife. This commitment should be made first and foremost because God calls you to be one. To strengthen this commitment, read God’s word on the matter, study biblically-sound Christian materials, and refer to my blog, including the two previous posts in this series. Wanting to please God and understanding the impact behind obeying Him make the commitment easier to keep.
2. Examine your fruit. See what areas of the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) that you need to work on and do it. You can have a heart’s desire to do and understand God’s will, but if your fruit is rank, you will only be able to offer spoiled goods that have no nutritious value for your husband.
3. Take time for yourself. You cannot, I repeat—CANNOT— keep nurturing others and not pour into yourself. Even Jesus took time away from the crowd to be alone with God the Father. You must stop your work and pause the nurturing to get nurtured yourself. Do what you enjoy that will refresh your soul and spirit and enable you to joyfully give to others.

Invest in His Body

4. Show him affection. Initiate kissing him every time you enter each other’s presence. Make love to him even when you don’t feel like it; ask God for strength to help you nurture your husband sexually. Remember, it’s on him if he strays, but it’s up to you not to give him a “reason” to (See “Wife Addition”).
5. Make him comfortable by pampering his body. Some men don’t like manicures and pedicures or even massages, but you know what makes his body feel good. Whatever it is, do it.
6. Make his atmosphere comfortable so he feels comfortable. Create a welcoming environment in your home so he wants to be there. Keep it clean, beautiful (make sure you have some masculine touches, too) and smelling good with food and other delightful fragrances. Declare your home to be a cozy and combat-free zone.

Invest in His Spirit
7. Pray for him. Do this alone and in his presence. He doesn’t always have to pray with you, but make sure you bless him daily and on those special occasions.
8. Share with him scriptures that you have studied that remind you of his strength of character or will otherwise encourage him. Tell him why you are sharing that scripture.
9. Fast for him. Sometimes you see your husband in warfare or he is having a hard time making a tough decision. Fast for him to help his breakthrough come.

Invest in His Emotions

10. All of the above no doubt will positively impact your husband’s emotions, but make sure to also intentionally watch your mouth (Psalm 141:3). This means for us to watch the bad that comes out of our mouths, but we need to ask God to also help us watch for the good that should come out of our mouths. Plan good things to communicate to your husband not just with what you say but even with what you write to him. Dote on him with spoken and written words that you share daily. Why not be like Sara and call him lord (with a little ‘l’)? He is the master of the house; surely you can reverence him as such.

Of course there is a lot more I could say, but I think you understand where I’m coming from. Invest in yourself and make sure you know your husband so you can tailor your investment to his body, spirit and emotions. Nurturing him will surely help him to be the man God has called him to be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Be Resourceful

If you wanted to know what was going on around town, I was the one to ask. In my on the go days I knew of the latest happenings, not because I was in the in crowd but I would keep up with newspaper articles, look at every flier that came my way, remember conversations and just ask questions. I think this curiosity may be the journalist in me or it may just be that I truly am “Little Verlenia,” a young version of my very resourceful grandmother.

My Grandma Thomas, like many grandmothers, was the go to person in our family. She always had food, a comfortable place to stay and money, even for us, her educated children with the good jobs but mismanaged funds. I learned a lot for this woman, whose highest level of education was a high school diploma that she obtained by attending night school as an adult. Most of her jobs were as a domestic or a cook, but her work always provided what they needed and even more to share. It still amazes me that her household never lacked any needs, and she and my grandfather (a local truck driver) sent two of their three children (the third didn’t want to go) to college on their salaries. But like many in their era, they knew what to do so their household didn’t lack, and everyone felt the love behind their efforts. So the following are some tips I learned from my grandmother, who was the ultimate Proverbs 31 woman:

Recycle:

    Use a deep freezer to save large quantities of food that would be otherwise thrown out after a few days. On days when you don’t feel like cooking or lack the time, pull out different items to create a new meal.
    Reuse aluminum foil and plastic bags. Even though my grandmother would wash aluminum foil and storage bags that had greasy items in them, I don’t recommend that. But you can reuse these if you previously stored dried items, like bread or fruit. Just shake and wipe them out, and they should be good for at least two more uses.
    Use household products in more than one way. For instance, you can use baking soda for cooking and cleaning. Clean your teeth, your food (fruit and veggies, including greens), your kitchen and bathroom. Vinegar works to clean food surfaces, like wooden chopping boards, floors and sinks, and disinfects garbage disposals. Another good product to try is food grade hydrogen peroxide. Stronger than regular peroxide, this kills E. Coli and other bacteria, fungi and pesticides. It can be used to decontaminate food and used for personal hygiene.

Next Friday I plan to have more tips for you. As I look at the need for women to be prudent with their time, there are more resourceful tips I have that will help in that way. As always, I look forward to hearing from you. And by all means, share some ways that you have been able to be resourceful to provide for your family’s needs.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Resourceful Woman

Joshua's first day in public school

Joshua's first day in public school

Resourceful Woman
I am a sonic force
Building lives
And busting lies
Told to them, about them, to bury them, deter them
To make them just quit.

With a well-placed word
Stuck in faces
That place me as other
I defend to no end
And regulate as I calculate to conquer these sins.

Who am I?

I am a soul warrior
Stepping boldly to my Father’s thorn
Telling him what’s happening, all that’s gone wrong.
Battling the heavens by letting the Spirit lead my cries
Trusting in His word
And turning my sighs into high fives
Cuz I know the outcome of my steppin’ boldly
He’s gonna work all things out, just like he told me
Cause I love him and am called by him
For his purpose and not mine
And He will establish it.

Who am I?

I’m a crafty soul lifter
Speaking life to the listless
Empowering limbs of the shiftless
Changing minds of the helpless
Soothing hearts of the hopeless

I see a need and take heed
To my calling
I regard all that’s in my sight
Calling it out
Praying it out
Laying it out
In the physical and the spiritual
Using all that’s within me
And whatever I can find that’s without me

I use my intellect and spiritual connects to keep it all tact
And you better believe that!
Who am I?

I am a woman
Not every woman
But a resourceful one
Pulling all the stops
And not ever stopping
Until the oppressors bow
The weak and hopeless get strength
and helpless don’t cow
And the resources brought forth
To make the seemingly impossible come forth for justice and peace
Security and meat
A prosperous life that’s complete
All that is needed for me and my family.

Like the Proverbs 31 woman, we are called to be resourceful, to go out of our way to make provisions for our families. We may not be a seamstress, business woman, early riser or gardener, but strength and honor can be our clothing, and we can ask God for wisdom and kindness to look “well to the ways of (our) household” (Proverbs 31:25-27). This call to be resourceful is what led me to fight for my son Joshua to be placed in public school when he was rejected.

Joshua outside of 2nd grade classroom

Joshua outside of 2nd grade classroom

My fight got him in where God wanted him, and I am happy to say that Joshua said “I was a little scared at first (to go to school), but then I calmed down. I liked it a lot. We learned a lot. I had a lot of fun.” When we follow God’s plan and are the resourceful women God has called us to be, things will work out in our favor, not necessarily like we want but just like what God wants for the prosperity of our entire family.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Teacher of Good

I don’t think most Christian women who want to do God’s will set out to teach their children or anybody else something wrong, yet Scripture commands for us to be a “teacher of good things” (Titus 2:4). Why would God take the time to command this? As with the patterns of other scriptures (think the 10 Commandments), it seems God knew our tendency would be the opposite of the command. He had to tell us not to worship any other god beside Him because He knows we’re prone to idolize things. We are told not to covet because our desires often fall on others’ stuff instead of with what He gives us. Our tendency is to seek what we want. We like self-gratification and what better way to be gratified than to see yourself and what you like to do in another person? Admit it. You may even get pleasure out of those who hate on you by trying to be you. Whether through imparting similarities or someone trying to be like you, it’s like having a double portion of your desires manifested. God wants replication, but He just wants it for the right reason (to give Him glory) and according to the Bible (His direction).

Some good things He tells women to teach are what I will discuss in detail in coming blogs (Titus 2:3-5). Let me add to that the basics that I think we’ve gotten away from: The 10 Commandments which are summed up in two: love God and love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-40). This is the focus this week. This, I believe, is what we need, and not self-styled mini-me’s.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith