Most challenging weeks I wonder what I should be learning from the experience and this week is no different. Is something wrong with me? Is God trying to show me something? Do I need to get tougher? Am I being rebuked? I ask these questions because I know God doesn’t waste anything; He uses everything for my good and maybe even the good of someone else. We may not know what the purpose of our going through is at the time but our going through has a purpose.

I remember four years ago being in the most excruciating back pain I have ever experienced when I was preparing to minister at my church. My degenerated spine had gotten worse and three vertebrae had begun to pinch my nerve. The pain was so bad that my cries were yelps. My husband and friend, who was by at the time, just laid hands on and prayed for me. The pain dulled and I was able to minister that evening, but later the pain returned and landed me on the floor in anguish. When I cried out to God He asked me did I trust Him. I said yes. He then told me that He was doing a new thing in me. He also told me that my pain experience would teach my friend, husband and sons something. I told God that I would receive whatever He had for me (knowing that what I said was dangerous but I was telling the truth) so that His will could be accomplished.

The very next day my friend said she had learned from watching me press on with my responsibilities in spite of my physical pain. She compared her emotional pain to my physical pain and said she sees physical pain worse because in my case there’s not much I can do to relieve myself. She said she could do something about her emotional pain and would seek to do so. Later that day my husband was surprised that I sounded cheery even though my pain was still intense. He said, “You have a great capacity for misery and pain. Most people with your level of pain would be crying all the time and you haven’t cussed or anything.” My oldest son, 5 at the time, was gentler, asking me how my back was feeling and telling me that he hoped I felt better.

This was an incident I needed to remember as I’m being stretched in this season like so many recovering strong black women are stretched. My to do list of being a part of caring for my mom, husband and children while still maintaining outside of the family ministry has left me wondering should I be doing all that I’m doing. The physical exertion most times just seems to be too much. But I thank God that He knows my capacity and that what I carry is helping those who are weaker. What an honor to suffer for righteousness’ sake.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#521-530
Managing the children in not so fretful a manner as I usually would be in after not taking care of some business before they woke up
Finally signing up for a writing service
Getting to bed by 11 a.m., yay!
Another Monday where I felt God’s strength
Waking up mostly refreshed
God giving me book promotional ideas
Enjoying the boys play at the park
Justus saying “wee” as he swung
Watching a movie then spending intimate time with Flynn
Another great blog post from God