Tag Archives: Strong black woman

Give Up Your World

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“..(A)nyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”—2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

The other day my oldest son asked if he could arise in the morning to join me during my prayer time. I was so pleased, but I wasn’t always this way. When Joshua was 6 God told me some things He had called Joshua to be and one was a prayer warrior. I asked God to show me how to train him to war in the spirit this way, and I didn’t hear anything from God. Suddenly, at 6, Joshua began to arise early on his own, sit quietly as I prayed and would hand me tissue so I could dry my tears. At first I thought his rising was endearing. After he kept joining me for about a week, I was upset. “Can’t I have some time to myself?” Then God reminded me that I had asked him to show me how to train Joshua. What better way than to model prayer and have him pray kneeling beside me right after me? But I soon slipped back into my selfish way, being happy a few weeks later when Joshua stopped waking up. I reasoned that the season for training him during my quiet time must be over. Truth is, discipline is part of the training, and I should have awakened him even when he didn’t get up. I did sometimes, but for the last two years that has been only a handful of times. So last week when Joshua asked to wake up to join me in prayer, I gladly agreed. I’m so glad I did. We had a rich time, and I got a chance to see a bit of what God sees every time we walk in selfishness.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.—1 Corinthians 13:11

Before we prayed Joshua asked, “What happens to our bodies if our spirit goes to be with God when we die?” Of course, this led to a Bible study on Christ’s return and us receiving glorified bodies and reigning with Jesus on a new earth (1 Corinthians 15:51-52; 2 Corinthians 3:18; 2 Peter 3:13; Revelation 20:6). To give him a picture of what our glorified bodies might be able to do I had him read Luke 24:15-31 when Jesus walked and supped with the men from the Emmaus road then vanished from their sight. When I told him that our bodies would be supernatural, like Jesus’ body, letting us do supernatural feats like superheroes, he became sad. I was perplexed. Like his dad, Joshua loves comic book characters and he frequently asks me which ones I think are the strongest. When I asked what made him sad about getting a new improved body he said, “I want this body. I like this body. And I don’t want there to be a new earth. This earth is perfect. I want it to stay the same.” No matter how many benefits I told him about having a glorified body and reminded him of the wretchedness of this world he still wanted to cling to the old. He was determined to remain unchanged in spite of the pain and disappointment he feels in his own body and sees in the world. He didn’t want anyone to disrupt his familiar or his comfort. He didn’t want anyone, not even God, to change his world. I just hugged him and told him I understood, recognizing that he was a child and just didn’t understand how wonderful his change would be. I knew that when he grew up, his view would change. I determined that I would continue to be there for him, allowing God to disrupt my quiet time world, so I can help Joshua mature in his faith and talk the way he should.

So often those of us recovering from strong black womanhood seek to maintain our established order so that we can control our circumstances. We can’t handle a change to our world, even one that would help us create a better world or just allow God to give us a better one. Even though we know our present personal world may be in need of repair, we somehow convince ourselves that everything is perfect and fight to keep living there. Give up the fight and the temper tantrums and let God serve you a better world. This is a challenge, but one we must rise to so we walk out 1 Corinthians 13:11 and be the new creations the Bible declares us to be.

What worlds have you been clinging to that you need to let go of?

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

My One Thousand Gifts List

#141-150
A woman’s desire to follow God
An anointed sermon
Dinner with Stephanie
The boys making their own fun at Stephanie’s
Flynn cleaning the kitchen
Flynn putting the boys to bed
Flynn making me tea
Being able to rest
Spending time with family
My headache dissipating

Living in the Pink-A Book Review

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What Do You Think? Wednesday

  • She’s pretty, single and perhaps saved with a perhaps saved boyfriend but they aren’t saving the sex for marriage. She’s conflicted and he’s confused; he thought their arrangement was working out swell until…
  • This is the last time she would bail him out or at least that’s what she wanted. But what’s a strong black mama to do when her baby’s in trouble?
  • She went to college, owns a business and runs with the movers and shakers. Though she grew up in the church she was now far from God. How does she maintain this lifestyle without giving praise to God?

You probably know one of these women. Maybe you are one of these women. These are three of the main characters in Living in the Pink, a new novel by Sharon Tubbs. And though Living in the Pink is a novel, as you can see from the character sketches, you experience real life when reading this collection of short stories. These women with strong black women characteristics are all “living in the pink,” but Laura Pinkston, aka Sister Pinky, challenges them to abandon their self-willed lives and embrace “the glory of living white as snow.”

People living in the pink have had their red like scarlet sins washed as white as snow but dabble with some of their sins, thus tinting their lives. Sister Pinky explains: In-the-pink people “say they believe in God, but only enough to call themselves ‘spiritual’ without having to make significant changes in their lives. Don’t be fooled…they might go to church and say eloquent prayers or sport a Jesus bumper sticker—all the while nursing sins that they’re unwilling or afraid to let go. They want to believe in God, just not too much.”

Author Tubbs says Sister Pinky, the all-seeing church mother, is based on a mixture of women she knows, including her mother, and the Titus 2 woman. She crafted this novel, complete with discussion questions at the end of each story, so women will examine themselves, whether based on responses to the questions or from the correction of a Sister Pinky that they know.

“Everybody is living in the pink in some aspect of their lives,” Tubbs says. “The question is, ‘Are we happy there or do we want to improve?’ Everyone needs to be striving to get more out of life.” To help with this process, in addition to the questions in the book, Stubbs has created the “Pinky Meter,” a non-scientific, yet fun, quiz to help you determine just how in the pink you’re living. Take the quiz here.

Tubbs says, “The intent with the questions is for women to be more introspective. So often what we tend to do is blame our circumstances on our jobs, on other people…on men. I’m not saying these things don’t have weight, but we have the Holy Spirit inside and that’s power.”

You know from the beginning of this blog I have challenged African American Christian women to forsake their strong black women ways and walk in the strength of God. I believe Living in the Pink is another tool to challenge you to do that. As you read the book, you can’t help but think about another sister you know or even wonder how you should handle your own strong black women issues. Pick up Living in the Pink at Tubbs’ website or on Amazon and enjoy a fast-moving, funny and spiritually-fulfilling book that will help you cherish your salvation and summer days. And make sure to tell me what you think.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

About the Author

Sharon Tubbs, author of Living in the Pink


Sharon Tubbs is a Christian who loves to write and has done so for more than 15 years as a newspaper journalist. The Living in the Pink project originated when Sharon wrote a version of the first story, Revelation, for a writing contest. She didn’t plan to create a series at the time. In fact, that story stayed tucked away in her computer for years before she looked at it again. The second go-round, she saw potential for something more and began to develop the central character “Sister Pinky,” using humor and real-life situations to touch others in a down-to-earth way. A condensed version of the series was launched online in April 2009 to a select number of women around the country. The positive feedback inspired Sharon to seek print publication with Lift Every Voice Books (Moody Publishers) for broader distribution of an expanded and improved version of Living in the Pink.

Originally from Indiana, Sharon now lives in Florida where she has encouraged other women spiritually through leadership activities. She has also inspired others to write poetry, devotionals, and books with Christian themes. In her spare time, Sharon enjoys hanging out with friends, live theater, a relaxing bubble bath, and Rocky Road ice cream.

Chivalrous Love

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Before I met my husband, my dad was the sweetest, most thoughtful and chivalrous man I knew. Curtis Anderson Sr. doted on my mom so much that one of her single girlfriends had the nerve to ask my sister would she mind having her as a stepmom if something ever happened to my mother. My dad would open doors, buy her things before she asked and rarely raised his voice with her. He was the family chef, so my mother never had to cook a meal nor did my siblings or I. To this day my brother is surprised that my sister and I cook so well, never being made to learn to cook or prepare a family meal. We were so self-absorbed, we never even volunteered. My father loved to give and I loved that he loved to give. To this day most of the classic suits I own are the ones my dad bought me, sometimes just because “they looked like you.” In my eyes he was the perfect man. No one could replace my daddy, but with Flynn I get that same love. In the beginning of our relationship, though, I almost blew it.

We were riding in the car one evening when dating and I took out something to read. Without me having to ask, Flynn turned on the light to help me see. Most normal people would have said “Thank you.” I, instead, began to berate him, telling him that I didn’t need his help and if I wanted the light on I could have turned it on myself. He responded with a soft word and had the nerve to still date me. Like my father, he saw a need and sought to fulfill it. Flynn wanted the best for me, but I was a strong black woman gone berserk (is that redundant?). He was trying to help me yet I saw his chivalry as controlling me, imposing his will on my life and thus redefining who I was. That little act spoke loudly the type of bondage I was in and that so many recovering strong black women are in. We shun the help that comes to us even though we are struggling:

So, then, brethren, we are not children of the bondwoman but of the free. Stand fast, therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.—Galatians 4:31-5:1

Quench not the Spirit.—1 Thessalonians 5:19

I think we forget the position God has placed us in. Like a caring father or husband, Jesus Christ saw our need and gave of Himself and through the price He paid to take away our sin we have been grafted in the body of Christ. We have been provided for even when we didn’t know we needed provision. We have been given sight when we couldn’t see. We are constantly doted on and directed because of Christ’s deep love and care for us. He never imposes His will upon us but makes it clear and empowers us to want it and choose it, all for our good. We too often resist His love and choose the bondage of self-will. But Jesus is ever present, vowing to never leave us or forsake us. With His presence and our desire to let Him lead we will break out of bondage and surely succeed.

I praise God for a father and a husband who remind me of Jesus. And I praise God for regulating my mind when I didn’t accept Flynn’s love, giving me a second chance to receive what He knew I needed.

How have you rejected God’s blessings? How have you been able to adjust your mind to receive what God has for you?

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

My One Thousand Gifts List

#111-120
Andrina’s safe travel to and from Cleveland for Aunt Lois’ funeral
Andrina helping me to get Xfinity operating
God giving me an on the spot 1 Peter 5:8 bible study to help Joshua deal with Alexis
Joshua understanding the bible study
Joshua accepting his punishment for destroying the air freshener cap
Managing the children without anger
Preparing a tasty, fast and simple dinner
A lack of desire for meat
Intimate time with Flynn
Nate sleeping through the night

Dark Girls

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What Do You Think? Wednesday

Once this woman, over dinner, told me that she was glad her husband was light skinned because she didn’t want her children “to be as dark as me.” My heart sank, feeling compassion for her low self-worth in that area and anger that those thoughts were coming from a 30-something woman in the 21st century. By all accounts this successful professional in the medical field was a strong black woman, planning her career, making her own decisions and never holding her tongue, sometimes, like that evening, making comments revealing her insecurity. I wish we lived in a land where dark skin prejudice was not an issue, where skin lighteners, hair straighteners and plastic surgery only had their place because of need (or even convenience) that had nothing to do with trying to look white. But the hatred remains and is a reason this film can stake a claim in the movie market in 2011. This film comes 335 years after the official end of the legal enslavement of blacks in the United States and almost 500 years since the beginning of this demonic system that created divisions between light and dark-skinned blacks. Have you seen the preview of Dark Girls? If not, take a look and tell me what you think, particularly from a biblical point of view?

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

Black Women Under the Microscope

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Image from the controversial Pepsi Superbowl commercial

What Do You Think? Wednesday

Satoshi Kanazawa, the psychologist who posited that black women are less attractive than all other women, faces possibly losing his job because of his article that presented these “findings.” His is just the latest in a string of commentaries that have discussed what’s wrong with the black woman. Whether it’s our looks, spending habits, marital status or attitudes, we frequently have been under the media microscope over the last few years.

What do you think about this? Do you feel like a lab rat? Do you feel it necessary to respond to the negative onslaught? How do you respond? As a Christian, what type of response do you think we should have?

I can’t wait to hear from you.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith