Tag Archives: Strong black woman

Don’t Go There

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My morning burst forth like a classic night terror movie scene. With crisp precision, my eyes popped opened, scanned the room and wondered why I saw him, felt that way and what I was doing there. We just talked, but nothing about the encounter was holy and I hesitated about leaving, wondered what life would have been like if our paths hadn’t diverged. At that moment I woke up, transported back to reality and left with a memory of what happens when we allow ourselves to “go there.”

We go to our past, pick up the scraps and try to piece them to our present, not recognizing we are jeopardizing our now and future. We are Lot’s wife, knowing we have—even being forced—to leave our old way yet looking longingly back and finding that the look paralyzes us (Genesis 19:26). We are a pillar of salt, a lump, unable to make moral decisions even though God has saved us. He came into our cities of sin, told us where to go and why, but we want to stay. So we become an unusable seasoning, salted by God to create great flavor in the world but our turning keeps us from being sprinkled (Matthew 5:13). Still belonging to God He again steps in to save us, sending us a dream, a friend, a song, a verse, a sermon, anything to warn us to not go there, to come away from there so we don’t wreck our lives.

Whatever place you have a yearning to go that will threaten your life, protect yourself before you turn back. Get an accountability partner, avoid triggers (like listening to certain songs or hanging with certain people) and dwell on the right thoughts, with the right people and in the right places (Philippians 4:8, 1 Corinthians 15:33; Psalm 91). We recovering strong black women need to do these things because so often we think we are strong then we fail (1 Corinthians 10:12). Even if we struggle, we must remember God is faithful and will jolt us back to reality, saving us from needless heartache and helping us maintain our ability to sprinkle the world with our flavor just as He intended (1 Corinthians 10:13).

My One Thousand Gifts List

#241-250
Joshua’s stomach feeling better
A self-inspiring blog
Sharing One Thousand Gifts with Christen and seeing her moved by it
Reading Nichole’s essay and her excitement about writing again
Getting my two books by Priscilla Shirer
Swiftly reconciling with my sister after reacting to an old offense
Feeling free after confessing my fault to my sister
Running with Joshua
Playing Hangman with Joshua
Playing the Matching game with Joshua and Nathaniel as Justus ate an apple and watched us

The Power of Words

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What Do You Think? Wednesday

People said my tribute to my husband on Monday set them on a path toward freedom. They gained a new perspective about the type of woman they should be or want to be. Words should do this, but sometimes, like with strong black woman lies, words bind us, making us serve them. They become our object of worship, our idols, and we think our worth is there. But word binding isn’t unique to strong black women, people and images everywhere telling us what we should believe about us that have nothing to do with what God says about us. Go to The Gypsy Mama and read our sister Lisa-Jo’s word-binding story and how she got free from bondage and plans to continue in freedom with what she calls a “beauty hunt.” As always, please tell me what you think.

Girly Pursuits to Godly Woman Dreams

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From the time we were little, babies even, we little black girls in a white male world were groomed to be strong black women and given the baggage that comes along with it: you are black and female, a double minority, so you have to work twice as hard to be considered half as good. But we didn’t want to be considered half as good. We wanted to be just as good, better, than they, white people, who caused our bags to be so heavy. We wanted to chuck the bags, but being a strong black woman required that we carry top-notch degrees, a stellar house, car and job, and lots of money. We sought a man who, too, could live up to these standards, but sometimes the chase was a waste of everybody’s time. One slip from the list and the man no longer had our attention, no matter how invested we were. This is what happens with vain pursuits, when excellence becomes the god we try to appease with temporal things and impressing people who don’t care anything about us anyway.

I got a clue about this after two degrees, a comfortable house, car and job, lots of money and a string of unfulfilled relationships, male carcasses lining my memory. I was filled with death, empty, and the excellence god was not appeased. On bended knee and an eye toward grace I prayed that God would give me exactly what I needed, including a man, since I didn’t know how to pick them anyway. My love for thugs and losing stats for bougie brothers left me leaning into some real worship. My nights left me lonely and some days I wondered what God had in store for me. When I got tired of the tears and feeling inferior to women with men, I welcomed God’s timetable and what He had to offer me. Within a few months of learning peace, God sent me a man of great peace, Flynn Andre Smith.

Flynn was no thug, had no love for bougie pursuits, made decent, but not a whole lot of loot, but I liked him and he liked me. We met doing business but wanted our next encounter to be personal and for more than a decade his love has been very personal. He knows my thoughts; caters to my wants; gives me whatever thoughtful things he wants for me; guides me to receive what I need; lovingly raises our sons to be men; plays and laughs with them and me; and covers me. He is God-fearing, nourishes and cherishes me and I delight in his presence, wait for his entrance, thank God for his existence and today being my husband for 13 years. I am grateful indeed, that God squelched my girly pursuits and gave me Godly woman dreams! Only God can change a love for thugs and bougie brothers to give you the man that you need.

Flynn & our boys at Veggie Tales Live 2010


My One Thousand Gifts List

#171-180
Taking the youngest two to the library
The restored and upgraded Parkman Branch Library
Two nice libraries close to my home
Leftovers
Clean and running water
Snacks for the kids
Joshua and Nate playing outside
Tabitha watching Nate and Justus so I could attend Joshua’s honors program
Joshua receiving two awards for scholarship
Supporting Joshua at his program

Friday Feature: Eating Healthy Made Easy

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Summer is a great time to boost your nutritional level because of the abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables available. Several women in response to my posts on eating raw expressed their desire to do so but listed a host of obstacles to eating healthier, which includes a more plant-based diet full of fresh produce. I addressed the obstacle of cost in my Friday Feature: Ways to Save and Buy on Organic. As each woman explained their obstacles to implementing better health habits their main issue was time. So today I want to deal with the obstacle of time by giving you three ways that have helped me:

Programming—I find it imperative to meditate on God’s word as it relates to healthy eating. My favorite verse is John 4:34: “Jesus said to them, ‘My food is to do the will of him that sent me and to accomplish his work.” This verse speaks of God’s assignment for our lives being that sustaining force in our lives that nourishes and strengthens us and gives us direction for our daily activities. Focusing on God’s will being the strength that I need to do what He has called me to do helps me. First Corinthians 3:16-17 says: “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.” These scriptures are talking about the body of Christ but apply to us as individual Christians. If we destroy with bad food our temple, the dwelling place of God, our bodies will be destroyed. We will all die one day, but I don’t want to hasten my death. These are the main scriptures that help me program my mind and strengthen my spirit to do what I should for a healthy temple.

Planning—One of the worst things you can do is to have your mind made up to eat right but you don’t have the food purchased to do so. I think about what I want to eat for the week and how much food I will have to buy to execute my meal plans. This helps me not to buy ‘two for one’ when I only need one and get more than my refrigerator or budget will allow. Planning helps me save money and a lot of time. I not only save time in the market but also when I am ready to consume the food.

Preparing—You may have thought my choice to use “consume” instead of “eat” was lofty, but I wanted to include eating and drinking, by way of juicing. So many women have told me that they want to juice but they don’t have a juicer or dread cleaning their juicer after use. Many of you said you don’t have time to clean the fresh produce in order to use them when you want. First, like you save to buy a new dress for a major event, plan to purchase a juicer for your new body. Second, replace a full meal with a fresh juice and some toast. Most times I replace a meal, usually breakfast, with a fresh juice and perhaps some almonds. I am fully nourished and full and haven’t spent a lot of time preparing a meal. The time I would have spent preparing a meal I now use to clean my juicer, which takes no more than 10 minutes. Third, I clean my produce in bulk. Read my post here for how I do that. I set aside time to clean all my items and then store them in plastic bags. When I am ready to prepare a meal or juice, I just grab them and get to work.

I have given you three ways that have helped me but I want you to know that I didn’t incorporate each tip at the same time. As a recovering strong black woman, you know I tried to do them all at the same time. Doing so overwhelmed me so I decided to take one tip at a time, one step before taking the others, and now I do them all without much hesitation.* I want you to take your healthy eating journey one step at a time. “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Romans 12:1) You can do this by first renewing your mind. Your body will follow.

*(I love my bulk method, but it can be tedious. I just remind myself of how grateful I am to have fresh, clean produce available when I need it).

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

The Death of Amy Winehouse

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For days I haven’t been able to get thoughts of Amy Winehouse out of my head. The British soul singer’s funeral was yesterday, but thoughts of the circumstances of her tragic death are well alive in me. She was sad, deeply depressed and no matter how she dressed, the drugs and dreariness crept through. Though I didn’t own a CD or ever see Winehouse perform, the news of her death made me watch one of her videos. From beginning to end she walked a seedy path, never once looking at the prostitutes, transvestites, and other half naked people around her. Three times, a woman bumped into Winehouse, but she kept walking, never turning to see who bumped her or why. Interspersed with the seedy path is a shot of Winehouse in a hotel room with empty beer and alcohol bottles. Oblivious to everything that was happening along her path, she walked as if she believed she had to go through that path, resigned that debauchery would be her death. Like a declaration of resolve, she sang solid, from the depths of her soul, “my tears dry on their own.” Winehouse seemed to believe she just had to cope on her own, that there was no one who could dry her tears. Maybe she never knew that Jesus could.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.—Hebrews 4:15

Though Winehouse may not have known Jesus or His healing power, I think sometimes we, recovering strong black women, who know Jesus forget His healing power. We run to the world’s ways to mask our pain and our lives also end in a tragic death. Yes, we still may be physically alive, but our spirits, minds and relationships may have died at our own hands. We have tried to cope our way and even when we don’t get righteous results we continue to try to cope our way, like we don’t have a Godly way of escape, a way to help us to have peace right here on earth until God calls us home.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.—1 Corinthians 10:13

That way of escape may be a phone call from a friend, a song that you keep hearing again and again or a message from a radio show. God will use anything to urge you to “[t]ake my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matthew 11:29). Tragic death does not have to be our end. We can live mask free and abundantly with Christ Jesus, if we trust Him. He will always be there to dry our tears, never leaving us for them to dry on their own.

Also read Why Amy Winehouse’s Death Should Matter to Christians in EEW Magazine and tell me what you think.

Note: Some of you didn’t know there was a video with Monday’s post or you tried to watch the video and couldn’t because it was private. If you missed my big video announcement, click here to watch.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith