My 40th birthday celebration–Four Decades of Preparation–was as much a celebration of my life as it was a tribute to the sisters and mothers in my life. Listen to the poem that I wrote in honor of my sisters.
Four Decades of Preparation
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Tag Archives: Strong black woman
Reproductive Rights
The age old argument for abortion goes: “I’m not in favor of abortion for me, but I believe women should have a choice to decide what they want to do with their own bodies.” I used to think that, too. In my teens and early 20s, I was vocal about it and placed money on it, giving $200 to help fund a friend’s late term abortion. An age old argument for birth control methods goes: “I don’t want to get pregnant so I’m going to take birth control pills. I am being responsible.” That I used to think, too, and placed my money on it, offering a nominal fee to Planned Parenthood for my birth control pills. Even after Jesus became my Savior at 26, I still took birth control pills and did so for the first few years of my marriage. Well, I changed my mind on both when I began to see what use God had for my body:
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“Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth”—Genesis 1:28 (KJV).
“But did He not make them one, (h)aving a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.”—Malachi 2:15 (NKJV).
“Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself. . .”—1 Corinthians 6:19 (NLT).
God wants me to have children so the earth will be filled with people who live for and worship Him. I can’t decide what I want to do with my body because it doesn’t belong to me, but to God. He is the owner and has the right to tell me what to do with it. So while I understand the classic arguments why people should be able to choose abortion or to control whether or not they have children through other birth control means, I believe that the imminent death of the mother (like in the case of a tubal pregnancy) is the only time an abortion should be performed. And I personally believe that thinking that I can’t handle having another child because of economic or emotional reasons is definitely not a reason to abort and may not be cause to use birth control, especially those designed to kill the fetus after conception (like the Morning After Pill). So the only reproductive right I believe the Christian woman has is to remain in concert with her maker’s intent for her body. This is what I think. You know I want to know what you think. Please give your comments and let’s hash this out together.
Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith
Choosing Homosexuality
This is a tough post and may seem to be out of place with my other discussions on feminist notions (see previous three entries), but some feminists believe that a part of feminism means women loving women romantically (http://tinyurl.com/mdu3o). But a statement like that is not enough to say so this post delves deeper into the overall issue of homosexuality.
Many people have their notions about why people are homosexual:
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1. They didn’t get enough attention from a mother or a father.
2. Their environment caused them to be gay (e.g., like a domineering mother or a father or a gay uncle).
3. She was sexually abused by men, so she turned to women.
4. She was sexually abused by women, so that’s why she likes them.
5. Homosexuals are born that way.
I don’t claim to know the answer, and I don’t think anyone can say they do; everyone’s situation is different. The defining question though is “Is it a matter of choice or are you born homosexual?” Though I have my own opinion, let me first deal with the arguments that come with the answers to each.
“People have a right to choose whoever they want to love. If that person makes them happy then they should be in a relationship. It doesn’t matter what sex they are. As long as the two consent, what is there for anyone else to say?” Some extreme feminists have chosen to love other women because they don’t want any connection to men. They have even chosen to change the spelling of women to womyn or womin in an attempt to disconnect themselves from men. Those who believe homosexuality is inborn say no homosexual in his or her right mind would choose to be gay. There is too much discrimination that comes with being gay. Many would say that from an early age there were signs of same-sex attraction. An old friend of mine says she never had a boyfriend and even kissing a boy one time felt unnatural.
I don’t believe homosexuality is a matter of choice, like selecting an outfit or deciding where to dine. It’s much more complicated than that. And choosing to love another woman in an attempt to annihilate men from your personal existence is problematic, especially if you’re a Christian. Men are God’s creatures, created in his image and to love as such. But even though I don’t believe that women should choose lesbianism for the reasons listed above, I still don’t subscribe to the conclusions of the inborn theory.
No matter what factors have led anyone to believe homosexuality is a choice or is inborn, no distinction is given in God’s word. Right alongside homosexuality is adulterers, coveters, idolaters, liars, and a bunch of other activities that many people choose to engage in, for whatever reason (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 & 1 Timothy 1:9-10). I know that because of my pride I often have to fight hard not to tell a lie to make me look good. And I’m working hard with my oldest son, now 6, who has shown an issue with covetousness (greed) beyond what seems to be just normal kids’ envy.
Too many Christians have made homosexuality the worse activity of all, and homosexual advocates—Christians and non-Christians, have gone to the other extreme and taken homosexuality out of the realm of sin. Neither is okay to do. Whether you struggle with lesbianism, lying, stealing or getting drunk, the Bible lets us know the difference is how you see yourself: as one who has to choose to follow her own desires or one who has to choose her God-given power to fight her inclinations.
After naming the list of activities that we are told not to be deceived about, the Apostle Paul through the Holy Spirit writes, “And that is what some of you were (emphasis mine). But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (NIV). He writes this scripture to remind us that we have the power not to engage in the sin that we were once so entrenched in. And that power is not our own; it is only through 1) salvation in Jesus and 2) allowing the power of the Holy Spirit to lead us. We do have a choice, and we are free to choose what we want, but God’s word makes it clear what God wants us to choose.
Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith
Marital Roles
I remember reading an analogy in PB Wilson’s Liberated Through Submission about the daily requirement of submission from all people. She talked about driving and the need to yield (submit) to other drivers, particularly when merging in traffic. It’s not that the other drivers are better than you; it’s just that for the safety of all, yielding is necessary. This helped me see my role in submission in marriage differently. Her description in no way gave a picture of a doormat to be stepped on, but an act necessary for the benefit of all. This is the picture that Scripture paints.
Men and women in general, and husbands and wives more specifically, are the same in value in Jesus Christ’s sight (Galatians 3:28), and He requires mutual consideration in marriage, but each spouse has been called to different functions. I believe this is so for there to be order in the marriage (1 Corinthians 11:3-12). Two main functions for the husband are provider and protector and for the wife, submitter and respecter.
The husband was called from the beginning to be a provider and protector when he was told to dress (work) and keep (protect) the garden (Genesis 2:5-17). God didn’t change his mind about man’s responsibilities in marriage when he laid out the duties of sanctifier, nourisher, cherisher, cleanser and lover in Ephesians 5. Each of these duties fall under provider and protector and require the husband to do so spiritually, physically and emotionally (See also 1 Corinthians 7:3, Colossians 3:19 and 1 Peter 3:7). The husband is compared to Jesus Christ and the woman to the church (Christians). So just like Christians are to submit to and respect Christ, so are wives to submit to and respect their husbands. Jesus Christ is the perfect provider and protector, and through Him a husband can seek to fulfill these roles in marriage. And Christ was perfect in submission and the respect of others, and through Him we can do the same for our husbands.
The major roles of each spouse don’t exclude the other from operating in the other’s roles from time to time when appropriate, but they are not the other’s primary responsibilities. So strong black woman, you don’t need no man to provide for or to protect you, but if you’re married this is what God requires that husbands do for you. Don’t let a bad attitude or a confusion of roles keep you from receiving blessings from your husband. Remember, each spouse seeking to fully operate in their function is biblical equality.
Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith
Marital Oneness
“I don’t need no man,” many a strong black woman has said. And she is right. In fact, if you look at why God made woman, you could infer that the man needs a woman (Gen. 2:18-23). But I don’t think this is what God wants us to get from that passage. It’s about two whole people coming together to enhance each other’s wholeness and being on one accord. This is what I think typifies oneness; two people can come together knowing their strengths and weaknesses and contribute and accept enhancement from the other (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). The two agree, based on God’s word, how they will develop this oneness.
Oneness wasn’t even in my mind when I was demanding a new family structure from what my husband-to-be was accustomed to (see previous entry). I told him that we were not going to his people’s house. I didn’t tell him what I thought and ask him what he thought so together we could decide what a new family custom might be. I was also drawing the line between what’s his and what’s mine, by referring to his birth family as his people instead of seeing them as our people. Being one means his family becomes my family. He leaves them and becomes one with me, not being under his parents’ rules anymore but operating based upon the guidelines of our new family (Genesis 2:24). Our oneness now requires synergy based upon a scriptural model. And part of the scriptural model for marriage is the different roles assigned to husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:21-33). I’ll talk about that more next time, but for now, in what ways may you have disrupted oneness in marriage? What about others you know? You know I want your feedback. I look forward to receiving it.
Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith