Tag Archives: Strong black woman

Cut the Fuss

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I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

If I hear one more “If she. . .” or “But she. . .” after someone has said she has forgiven her sister, I just might scream. Dwelling on the offense is an offense in itself. It debilitates the speaker, slanders the original offender, gives credence to Christianity being weak, and wastes time in the battle for souls for Christ. I want a change; so I, like Paul, plead with the sisters who are beefing to be of the same mind in the Lord, and I urge others with influence to help any women they see bickering, giving more attention to their beef than to the cause of Christ.

Help them drop their nets.

Yes, Jesus told His disciples to drop their nets—meaning to give up their jobs, to follow Him. But some of us need to drop our nets of bickering because this can be a full-time job for us. We give so much attention to the detail of our fleshly battle that we have become all-consumed, just like the attention we give to full-time work. Drop your net and agree with each other in the Lord to continue “in the cause of the gospel.”

Paul wanted Euodia and Syntyche to work out their differences by focusing on the Lord. What does the Lord say about us getting along? This should be our focus. When we focus on our feelings and the offenses and can’t get pass them, we are exalting these issues above God. They have become idols that God tells us to tear down. We must tear them down not just so the world sees our harmony but that we might have harmony to do God’s work together. I believe this is what Paul was having these Christians focus on: God and his work that needs to be done. He first said he wanted Euodia and Syntyche to agree but not just agree in any way (going along to get along) but agreeing in the Lord (renewing their minds to line up with Jesus’ thoughts and actions). This is the only way that we can reach out to a dying world and rescue people from the grips of the enemy.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Momma Wife?

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“I got four kids,” I’ve heard women with three children say, taking a stab at their husband by classifying him as the fourth child. A lot of us women feel this way when we pick up our husbands’ clothes, help them figure out logistics and do housework. We think, “What would they do without us?” or “I didn’t sign up to be his mother.” Though these tasks can be annoying, God’s idea of a wife wasn’t a built-in slave for a husband. I don’t even think it was for husbands to be dependent upon wives; I believe God’s idea of a wife being a helper to her husband was the woman’s role in an interdependent relationship, two different minds coming together to compliment the other for the glory of God’s kingdom. I believe the idea of a helper, or a nurturer, was intended for the husband’s growth, not so he can glory in his achievements but so he would be equipped to accomplish God’s will for the salvation of mankind.

Two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us this for three reasons: 1) if one falls, the other is there to help her up; 2) if they lie down together, they will be warmer than if they lied down alone; and 3) one may be overpowered by an enemy, but two will be able to resist him. Each of these instances shows interdependence, both parties benefiting from the relationship. And most of us want the person on our team to be at his best. Being a nurturer helps a husband to be at his best to give you his best and to fight the enemy. When you are both at your best, you think clearly and can properly prioritize. And the number one priority for a believer is to make God known throughout the earth, and to defeat our number one enemy, Satan, is at the top of the list in order to achieve this.

I think too many so-called strong black women protest nurturing their husbands with a “what about me? What’s he going to do for me?” And those are legitimate questions, but I believe Ecclesiastes helps to answer those and so do Ephesians 5:25-33, Colossians 3:19, 1 Corinthians 7:3 and 1 Peter 3:7. You need to know what your husband’s role is too. And you shouldn’t enter a marriage if you aren’t sure that your mate can be a husband according to Scripture. But if your husband goes crazy in the marriage and forgets that he is a biblical husband, you are not absolved from being a biblical wife.

What god put together, let no man tear apart (Mark 10:9). We focus so much on this meaning the couple shouldn’t divorce and rightly so because this is the proper interpretation, but I want us to apply this to the roles that God put in place for the wife. We cannot tear away the biblical roles from the definition of wife because God defined the wife. When we decide to do so is like us deciding to be God. We are not free to redefine our roles to our level of comfort. Let us be the wives, the nurturers of our husbands, that God called us to be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Watch Your Time

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Years ago I remember reading the story of a black woman executive who served everyone: friends, family, colleagues, and community. She was a strong black woman, a superwoman who seemed to have it all together until she was found dead, a victim of suicide to escape a world where time was her enemy, willingly taking her hostage and bounding her to destruction. Perhaps she was a people pleaser, wanting everyone to like her for what she did for them. Maybe she needed to feel needed so she responded to every beck and call. Whatever the underlying issue for this troubled woman, I know that above all she was not prudent with her time.

Some people may think that this is an unfair statement, saying that not budgeting her time wisely is ultimately what killed her. But when you look at anyone who is overwhelmed, whether to the point of death or not, nine times out of ten the issue is using time unwisely. You don’t use time wisely when you spend time doing something you shouldn’t be doing. This could mean that you give time to projects, pleasures and people where your efforts should be focused elsewhere. You could be altogether engaged in something that you shouldn’t or engaged in something that you should but just spending too much or too little time with it.

For instance, you may have a beautiful voice and decide to sing in your church choir when God wants you to pursue being a recording artist instead. Or you may have a beautiful voice and should sing in a choir, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that you should teach voice lessons to choir members, sing every solo that’s offered to you and direct the choir. In both instances, time is not being used wisely. We have all decided to watch TV, go shopping or talk on the phone instead of doing some work. And with people, we may see a need and decide we should meet it even though we know that need doesn’t fall within our calling. Or we might have to call to ask someone a question to meet a deadline, but we end up handling that person’s issue for 45 minutes. All these are instances of time spent unwisely, even doing some good but not doing our good.

Above all, I think the ultimate waste of time is focusing on projects, pleasures and people instead of giving appropriate intimate time to God. Ephesians 5:15-17 says, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Focusing on God first and fully helps to ensure that we are prudent with our time, not just doing good but doing the good that God would have us to do.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Resourceful Woman

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Joshua's first day in public school

Joshua's first day in public school

Resourceful Woman
I am a sonic force
Building lives
And busting lies
Told to them, about them, to bury them, deter them
To make them just quit.

With a well-placed word
Stuck in faces
That place me as other
I defend to no end
And regulate as I calculate to conquer these sins.

Who am I?

I am a soul warrior
Stepping boldly to my Father’s thorn
Telling him what’s happening, all that’s gone wrong.
Battling the heavens by letting the Spirit lead my cries
Trusting in His word
And turning my sighs into high fives
Cuz I know the outcome of my steppin’ boldly
He’s gonna work all things out, just like he told me
Cause I love him and am called by him
For his purpose and not mine
And He will establish it.

Who am I?

I’m a crafty soul lifter
Speaking life to the listless
Empowering limbs of the shiftless
Changing minds of the helpless
Soothing hearts of the hopeless

I see a need and take heed
To my calling
I regard all that’s in my sight
Calling it out
Praying it out
Laying it out
In the physical and the spiritual
Using all that’s within me
And whatever I can find that’s without me

I use my intellect and spiritual connects to keep it all tact
And you better believe that!
Who am I?

I am a woman
Not every woman
But a resourceful one
Pulling all the stops
And not ever stopping
Until the oppressors bow
The weak and hopeless get strength
and helpless don’t cow
And the resources brought forth
To make the seemingly impossible come forth for justice and peace
Security and meat
A prosperous life that’s complete
All that is needed for me and my family.

Like the Proverbs 31 woman, we are called to be resourceful, to go out of our way to make provisions for our families. We may not be a seamstress, business woman, early riser or gardener, but strength and honor can be our clothing, and we can ask God for wisdom and kindness to look “well to the ways of (our) household” (Proverbs 31:25-27). This call to be resourceful is what led me to fight for my son Joshua to be placed in public school when he was rejected.

Joshua outside of 2nd grade classroom

Joshua outside of 2nd grade classroom

My fight got him in where God wanted him, and I am happy to say that Joshua said “I was a little scared at first (to go to school), but then I calmed down. I liked it a lot. We learned a lot. I had a lot of fun.” When we follow God’s plan and are the resourceful women God has called us to be, things will work out in our favor, not necessarily like we want but just like what God wants for the prosperity of our entire family.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Be Pure

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From as early as I can remember I’ve been driven to do what I feel is right: As a toddler I never crawled, just decided to walk one day; In elementary school, I befriended the lonely and didn’t let bullies bully me; In junior high, I refused to suck up to the most popular girl who sought to strip my dignity and win my friends; In high school, I dared to run for class office against the most popular girl; In college, I led my peers to defend the homeless and conducted personal crusades on their behalf; and post graduate and beyond, I’ve made it my business to tell it like it is about race and gender inequalities. These weren’t bad things, but they all stemmed from an independent spirit. And an independent spirit is great when it allows you to be free from trying to please people, to do the right thing. But when you are free from trying to please God to do your own thing, that’s when chaos begins.

Chaos for me began when my free spirit was coupled with an early exposure to illicit sex. From about 9 to early adulthood, self pleasure was a favorite pastime, at 16 my virginity was loss (at my initiating), and throughout early adulthood, I did most of what my body desired. As a strong black woman, I thought it was my prerogative to “make love” to men I wasn’t married to, watch illicit movies, and hang out at seedy places with unscrupulous people. Few suspected my impurity, with two of my closest friends in college ridiculing me for being “a prude.” Private I was; prudish I was not and this caused an ultimate tragedy for me—getting burned.

Even though I wasn’t saved, the results of my illicit acts helped me to see why God commands purity for His people (Colossians 3:5-6). Sexual purity is rendered fornication in the Bible and means to have sex outside of the marital bond to whom God declares you can marry (one man to one woman). Engaging within the bond of marriage can be challenging enough in itself. Operating outside of God’s commands inevitably brings consequences you don’t want and shouldn’t have to handle. Truly, it is best to flee fornication and rid yourself of the notion that you are free to do whatever you want because you are grown (1 Corinthians 6:18). If you don’t, assured destruction is on the way.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith