Tag Archives: Strong black woman

My Brooklyn Saint

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With a new car and summer job, my time in New York was supposed to be perfect, at least that’s what my friends and others thought because of my cosmopolitan ways. “You’re going to love New York. It’s so you,” they would say to allay my trepidation of leaving my up south city and going east to bright lights in a real up north city. But this 22-year-old girl from Detroit had real culture shock and homesickness when I smelled the garbage in China Town, saw street mayhem in Times Square, looked for my lost car in Brooklyn, and heard I had to work on Long Island and in Manhattan. I was somewhat petrified. Well, a lot really that I talked about cutting my 10-week internship short by eight weeks. I wanted to go home. Instead I called my praying grandmother—again—and she gave me some scriptures and words of encouragement—again—and I felt better for the moment—again, but I needed something more, someone, and I found her the day I ventured to Bridge Street AME Church.

The members smiled and greeted me after the pastor had visitors to stand and she was among them, Ernestine I’ll call her because I don’t remember her name but I remember her. She wore a brightly colored print bubu and black pants complete with rusty blond hair peeking from under a kufi. Probably in her early 60s, Ernestine gave me a wide smile, strong hug, introduced herself and insisted I call her by her first name. I felt warm and was so glad my fear didn’t cause me to stay at home. But after service, I briefly wished I had. Members hurried about to talk to friends, make dinner plans and serve at church information tables. I glanced about as my pew emptied then gathered my things to leave. As I moved slowly down the pew to the aisle, Ernestine waved to me from among a throng and made her way to invite me to spend the day with her. I readily agreed.

We went to her Brooklyn brownstone before she took me to a street fair and a lecture by the famous historian Dr. John Henrik Clarke. As she changed her clothes, I admired her wood furniture, African carvings and paintings, mahogany fireplace and a picture of her mate. He had passed a few years back, a brief illness I think. Now in a summer sweater with her black slacks, she fixed a snack of peanut butter toast and coffee and told me about her “king.” That’s what I remember. She kept saying, “He was my king!”

In that moment, I knew I wanted a love like hers, to love like her, to be in a place where I had no problem reverencing my man. I wanted sweet times and golden memories that would make me shriek “he is my king.” And I have that now, due in large part to Ernestine, a woman confident in her femininity, comfortable with her Christianity and African culture and the strength of her man where she didn’t mind calling him her king.

In New York I did come to love Chinese food delivery, hanging out in the Village and on Harlem’s 125th Street, and going to Junior’s on Brooklyn’s Atlantic and Flatbush. But above all I loved a woman whose name escapes me but the memory of her love for life and her man will remain with me forever.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Submission Benefits

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If you want to know the state of Christianity, take a look at Christian marriages. What you will find is divorce among Christians is as high as those of non-Christians (The Barna Group of Ventura, California). Christian husbands and wives are intended to be role models of what Christianity is all about. As it stands, Christian husbands and wives have been poor examples for the Christian faith, and, because of this, I believe the impact of Christianity has suffered. Nonetheless, the mandate for husbands and wives still remain. We are to model Jesus Christ’s relationship to the church. Our marriages must show what good leadership and good submission are about, thus putting our great sacrificial leader on display and showing why we sacrifice our lives for Him.

But I don’t know how many of us consider that our marriages are a model to impact Christianity. I don’t know how many know that husbands and wives are both called to submit (a husband to God’s command of leadership and a wife to God’s command of submission to her husband). And I surely don’t know how many women realize that the calling of submission is greater for wives because we have to submit to God, other believers and to our own husband (James 4:7 and Ephesians 5:21, 22). And this greater calling gives us more opportunities to excel or fail. Because the lives of so many in our sphere are at stake, I want you to remember that submission sucks (see prior post). And because submission sucks, so many can be blessed through us. I believe the greatest individual beneficiary of submission is our own children.

When children see submission at work daily in us, they are ingrained with its power:

  • 1) They understand what a godly wife looks like and will know what type of woman to be or to pursue.

    2) They understand order. With a hierarchal structure, children recognize authority and submission and can use this understanding in the workplace, whether they are a leader or subordinate.

    3) They have stability, knowing they can count on the consistent provisions that their parents’ roles bring to the home as opposed to whichever parent feels like fulfilling a particular role on any given day.

    4) They understand the interaction between Jesus Christ and His church. Even though they may not know that’s what they are seeing, as they study the Bible more, they will see that this interaction is being modeled in their home.

    5) They understand how they should submit to Jesus Christ. Seeing submission at work paves the way for children to embrace submitting to salvation through Jesus Christ and to His lordship.

    • With children as the greatest individual beneficiary of submission, the body of Christ has the greatest chance of repairing its scarred reputation of being no different from (or worse than) the world. I believe our children who embrace submission because of our model will perpetuate God’s intent for marriage and cause thousands to be drawn to Christianity, thus building up the Kingdom of God. By submitting for your children’s sake, you submit for the Kingdom’s sake and become a repairer of the breach (Isaiah 58:12). Women, won’t you join with me to be (one of) the greatest factors to the growth of Christianity? Lay aside your flesh and move according to the Spirit. Let’s do this for Christ and His Kingdom.

    Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Changing Your Mind

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    I hope you know by now that a major aim of my blog is to stimulate minds in order to change hearts (thus a new mind) of black Christian women who historically have relied on making things happen themselves. The allure of being a strong black woman on your own accord is great. We like compliments; it can be nice being the center of attention; and quite frankly it’s a way many of us have always known so it’s hard to think, and, therefore, do anything other than the strong black woman way.

    “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2).

    But as you know, the only way that we will turn away from the world’s definition of a strong black woman is by renewing our minds. And the only way to renew our minds is to put on the mind of Jesus Christ. And the only way to put on the mind of Christ is to get to know Christ. And the only way to get to know Christ is through fellowship with Him. And the way you fellowship with Him is by reading His word and prayer. A big problem is that some of us don’t take the time to read the Bible or pray. Another problem may be that we don’t know how to engage His word or to pray.

    If you are one of those people who just don’t know where to begin, you know I won’t leave you hanging. Please, visit my blog tomorrow where I will share with you ingredients for prayer that no doubt will guide you in your quest to go deeper with God. Learning how to pray properly will definitely cause you to read God’s word because in order to have an effective prayer life you must know the God that you are praying to.

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Trust Your Leaders

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    My heart has been heavy, and I am in utter disbelief, when considering that three Christian women I know got married this year without the blessing of their church. This wasn’t because the church discovered that their mates were sinful and forbade the women from marrying them. It was because the church wasn’t even afforded an opportunity to give wise counsel. These women courted and then took their vows without involving their church’s leaders. They didn’t receive marital counseling at their church, didn’t have the ceremony at their church and didn’t even invite the church leaders to their ceremonies. What’s wrong with this?

    Well, I know each of these women could be typically classified as strong black women, believing that they are smart enough and know themselves well enough to make their own decisions, but this thinking is dangerous because it contradicts Scripture, particularly the “One Another” verses I discussed last week and those that tell us to submit to the spiritual authorities in our lives (Proverbs 11:14; 1 Peter 2:13, 18; and Hebrews 13:7, 17). And even if I didn’t know these scriptures, it’s hard for me to fathom choosing a church for my spiritual development and allowing those leaders to teach me from the pulpit, but not trusting them to help guide one of the biggest spiritual decisions of my life. But even with these women being typical strong black women and operating in a way foreign to me, I understand their move. They probably have had to make decisions on their own for so long and have encountered so many untrustworthy people, they simply did what they knew best—to be self-reliant.

    They’ve encountered what the Bible calls talebearers, those who spread their business after they put their trust in these people. As a result, strife developed between them and the culprits, and the women suffered deep wounds. This has made them leery of people in general, but leaders in particular because of leaders’ job of guiding decisions and having to reveal “your business” to get you help if what you reveal will be harmful to you, minors or other vulnerable populations. And perhaps the leaders didn’t handle their business right. These women don’t want to be accountable to someone who they feel may harm them.

    So often the strong black woman has made decisions without spiritual guidance because of untrustworthy leaders. This is a great dilemma but one that God has worked out for us: “It is better to trust God than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust God than to put confidence in princes” (Proverbs 118:8-9). Though He gives us people, especially leaders, to guide us, we must ultimately trust Him with the process He has given us. Though we must go to humans, as God’s representatives, we trust that God will speak to them and through them. And as the ultimate revealer of secrets, we must trust that God will reveal to us and our leaders what we need to live lives that give glory to Jesus Christ. This way of looking at trust is not easy, but it is better to trust God (His way) than to put confidence in man (our strong black selves).

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Tips for Activating Good Will

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    With Sisters in Christ

    1. Resolve in your mind that you want God’s will above your will (Matthew 26:39).
    2. Don’t vent to others unless they are wise counselors and you are seeking biblical advice. You may be unknowingly gossiping about the person.
    3. Meet with the person who has offended with you. Discuss your issues with biblical reconciliation at the forefront of your mind (Matthew 18:15-16; Philippians 4:2-3; 2 Corinthians 5:18-20; Galatians 6:1; and James 5:16).
    4. Meet again with a mediator if you two don’t come to a biblical resolution. Remember there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors (Proverbs 11:14). Make sure you both agree on who any additional people should be. These should be people who are known to strive to meet biblical standards of reconciliation.
    5. Understand that reconciliation may not be immediately available, but that doesn’t mean you don’t strive for it (Matthew 18:17; Romans 12:18).
    6. Continue to work to do God’s will with your sister in Christ or without her, making sure not to slander her.

    In the World

    7. Fulfill God’s commands to impact the world for Christ (Isaiah 61:1-2). In Christ’s stead, we must be his hands and feet on the earth to meet the needs of people.
    a. Preach gospel of Christ to those in need. Do everything you can to tell people about salvation through Jesus Christ. Don’t stop there. Show people, through your actions, the power and love of Jesus by
    b. feeding the hungry.
    c. clothing the naked.
    d. binding up (bandage or heal the wounds of) the brokenhearted.
    e. comforting all that mourn.
    Do all these for individuals you know, through your church, established organizations or a ministry you begin. The point is: Don’t make an excuse for not doing good: being kind to your brothers and sisters in Christ and showing benevolence to those throughout the world. This is the call for all Christians, including the strong black woman who’s trying to refocus her attitude from simply doing good to look good but doing good because goodness emanates from her changed heart that seeks to be like Christ.

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith