Tag Archives: Pride

Reasons for a Strong Black Woman to Skip Town

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Pride has been the theme these past few weeks, and as you know maintaining pride can wear you out and make you act crazy when you realize the cost of maintaining it. So what’s a (recovering) strong black woman to do when she finds herself at her wits end? Skip town, of course:

    1. So she remains in recovery and won’t kill her kids.
    2. So her husband or boyfriend will still like her.
    3. So her friends remain her friends.
    4. So she maintains her brilliance.
    5. So she won’t curse out her boss.
    6. So she remains sane.
    7. So she won’t neglect important commitments.
    8. So she won’t go into permanent seclusion.
    9. So she doesn’t lose her Christian testimony.
    10. So God will be proud that she decided to refresh herself so she wouldn’t lose her Christian testimony.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Pride is a Mother

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Pride is a mother, and if you don’t disown her you will forever be a momma’s girl with “no ugly friends.” This is the conclusion I came to years after one of my closest friends reported to us, her girls, that she told a relative “I don’t have no ugly friends.” This was about 15 years ago when we were young, fly and high on ourselves. Though I wasn’t the one to say it, the glory of having attractive friends remained in my heart. I thought of what made them cute: genetics played a big part, and then their hair, clothes, makeup and other assets added to their beauty. And they were fun to be around, but I never attributed this to their beauty. Nor did I count their wit, intelligence, kindheartedness or “breaking their back” for you style to their beauty. Now, I always recognized my sisters’ internal qualities, but these weren’t foremost in my mind. I never considered myself shallow. But after my friend made the “no ugly friends” comment, I found myself internalizing it when I was with them. When we went out, I found myself smiling a bit more, sticking my chest out and looking around to see who was looking at us. We had careers, cars, clothes, and nice homes, and we looked good. I was proud.

As I reflect on how I felt, I realize that I was being shallow, though never blatantly so. But does it matter that my friendship pride wasn’t blatant? Isn’t what matters is that I was prideful at all? I thank God that He transformed me to look more at people’s inner beauty that seemed to give them so much outer beauty. I don’t remember exactly when this began in me, but about 10 years ago I met a stay-at-home mom, with a crisp and clean outdated dress, neat home-styled hair and a peaceful smile that said “I am content.” She may not have looked the strong black woman part, but she walked it because she was sure about herself, and it wasn’t because of her outward appearance. She knew that she was beautiful and she beamed it so (1 Peter 3:3-5).

After meeting her was when I knew I wanted to be different, not dress or wear my hair like hers, but to act like her in spite of my clothes and hair. I wanted to greater emphasize the eternal and not the external and get my friends to do the same. The road is still a challenge as I seek to disown pride, become a Daddy’s girl and rejoice in my friends no matter how they look. The big switch truly is easier as I seek to let Christ reign in and shine through me.

An Extraordinary Life

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“You can’t achieve the extraordinary if you don’t attempt the extraordinary.”
—Pastor Phillip C. Carr

Yesterday at church, my leadership development pastor, Phillip Carr, challenged the congregation to be extraordinary Christians. He said many of us fight more for the ordinary life we lead instead of the extraordinary life that Jesus Christ means for us to have (1 Peter 1:3; John 10:10). I so related to this, with my recovering judgmental self. You know that trifling, lazy people bother me. And those of us who have the Spirit of Christ have no excuse. So as a high achiever, I was in the amen corner yesterday but felt myself shrinking a bit when he talked about those who are satisfied with our achievements just because they may be better than someone with low standards. Though I’m not prone to compare myself to a low achiever, I find myself—from the pressure of being a strong black woman—settling for that’ll do because what I’ve done is better than most and not so bad for me, and I have a whole bunch more to get done. I was going to do that today, by posting a piece that I really want you to read, but it’s not quite finished yet. But I decided to be extraordinary, better than average, and allow God to use me in that piece. So today I just want you to ponder “An extraordinary Christian is an ordinary Christian who has allowed God to have His way in (her) life” (Pastor Carr). And ask yourself (and tell me in the comments section), “Am I being an extraordinary Christian?”

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

More Signs of Pride

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Okay, just a few more. These six just seemed to have begged to be put on a list. I’m sure I have missed some signs of pride, but these I couldn’t let go:
1. You expect people to cater to you.
2. You gloat about you.
3. You don’t forgive.
4. You must be #1 all the time.
5. You have to have the last word.
6. You stand by your word, even when you know you’re wrong.

15 Signs of Pride

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If any of the following describes you, you might be dealing with pride:

    1. You don’t like to apologize.
    2. You don’t apologize.
    3. Your apology is “I’m sorry you feel bad.”
    4. You hold grudges.
    5. You envy what others have.
    6. You compete for the attention others get.
    7. You don’t like to give compliments.
    8. Your compliment to another woman is “Oh, I have one just like that.”
    9. You compare your achievements to others’ achievements (e.g., I used to be able to do that).
    10. You compare your failures to others’ failures (e.g., At least I’m not as bad as …).
    11. You belittle someone’s accomplishment (e.g., I remember when you used to be wild or I remember when we used to hang out together at Charger’s Bar).
    12. You don’t ask for help.
    13. You reject the help given to you.
    14. You don’t like to admit when you don’t know something (e.g., the meaning of a word someone uses or the name of someone you see all the time)
    15. You don’t leave the house (or have an attitude when you do) because you’re not perfectly put together (e.g., You refuse to wear sandals if your toenails aren’t polished).