Tag Archives: Motherhood

My Mama Said

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Me and my mama

My mama, Santranella Anderson, was quite the philosopher. These are some of the things she said that helped get me over:

1. Don’t be envious of others. Even though I didn’t put these in rank order, I think this may be the biggest lesson that my mama shared with us, her children. She would say, “Be happy you can be friends with somebody who has something you don’t.” This has helped me get along with so many people, including the ones who have been envious of me. I find myself ingratiating them, letting them know we can show love even when we want to hate. And if I weren’t friends with them or they still hated on me, my mama would make sure to emphasize numbers 2, 3, 4 and 5.
2. Celebrate with others. She would always say that we won’t get everything we want so when someone else achieves, celebrate with them. Be happy for them. “It takes nothing away from you,” she would say.
3. Know that you are good but may not always be the best. She had to tell me and my siblings this because for the first few years of life we were at the top of the class. She wanted to squash disappointment and despair before it happened. It worked for me. I had who would become my high school class valedictorians help me in honors geometry because I realized they were the best and I sure wasn’t. Till this day, I seek out the experts and thank God that I can.
4. Treat people like you want to be treated. The Golden Rule was golden in our house and prevented a lot of fights. This rule has also helped me to gain and maintain endearing relationships.
5. You don’t have to live with those people. She would say this when I couldn’t get along with my classmates, teachers or co-workers. Even though I would spend a majority of the day with them, she was letting me know that my refuge was at home. And what a wonderful refuge it was. I was always prepared to face my giants in the morning because I could look forward to coming home.
6. Share what you have. “Never be stingy. Everybody needs some kind of help,” my mama said.
7. Read between the lines. “I can’t stand when grown people can’t tell what’s going on and understand what’s being said by what’s not being said,” my mama would say. “Learn to read between the lines.” She taught us how to observe people’s body language, facial expressions, tone of voice and euphemisms. This tool has been invaluable as a writer, a minister and in all my relationships.
8. Nothing beats a failure but a try. My mama always said and lived up to this. Like I told you before, she has a lot of nerve and often gets what she desires because of this attitude. She wanted us to seek the best and not ever have a defeatist attitude.
9. Be yourself. “I can’t stand no phony people. Don’t be trying to be like nobody else. Ugh! Be who God made you to be. You look foolish trying to sound like or look like somebody else,” my mama said.
10. Walk straight and hold your head up. “Don’t be walking like you are afraid. You aren’t afraid of anybody. Be proud of who you are,” my mama said.
And what anchored all these was her constantly saying, “Trust God.” I’m glad I did trust Him, not just to help me with those 10 lessons but to help me believe that Jesus Christ is the only way to Him. I placed my faith in Jesus as my Savior and Lord in November 1995, not understanding how this salvation worked but trusting God for further revelation. God has shown Himself to me and given me a greater understanding of Him and my salvation. I thank God for all my mama’s lessons, but most of all for the command to trust God.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Mama Love

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My Mama Santranella Anderson

My mama
My hero to the extreme
She’s had about 10 jobs
Two careers
Three vocations—
Not unstable
She’s just able to maintain that her anthem belter is Frank Sinatra
She does things her way.
From “My Heroes are to the Extreme” ©1997 by Rhonda Anderson

My mama, the “crazy” lady, the one with the wicked laugh
No matter where she goes she leaves an unforgettable path.
Her heart so big and ways so forgiving, her spirit teaches and keeps me living.
From “My Family” circa 1990s by Rhonda Anderson

She moves the earth with style and grace
Especially with that size 26 waist
And 40 hips
And busts so firm
You know the brothas wouldn’t leave her alone.
She was the life of the party
Personality beyond belief
But that all changed.
The crutches came.
From “Crutches” ©1995 by Rhonda Anderson

This is my mama, a woman ever-giving and beautiful inside and out. Don’t be offended that I call her crazy. She never is. But she is crazy: I just mean that she is a lot of fun and likes to laugh and there are few things she wouldn’t try or say. She got a lot of nerve and doesn’t scare easily. She had to be this way. She had three children in 2 ½ years.

Mothering us never seemed to take a toll on her even though she was sickly. She always made life fun for us. She orchestrated our dress up and in-house show times where we entertained her, and she demanded repeat performances when her girlfriends would drop by to say hi or for a counseling session and to eat. We’d have picnics at her bedside when she was too ill to cook us a meal. She’d tell us where to get a butter knife, crackers and peanut butter and we’d snack until my dad got back from work. We always had two cars, but she took us on bus rides and drives in cabs to experience other modes of transportation and other ways of life. And she would often “splurge” on restaurant food and outfits we didn’t need because “we ain’t gonna have it* anyway,” speaking of how fleeting money and other stuff can be. Though she never gave a lot of kisses and hugs but we always felt loved and safe, even when she would drive fast down a deserted path with no hands at our command in her 1972 Blue Chevy. “Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee,” she’d roar as we laughed and said, “Do it again, mama. Do it again.” We’d be on our way to a fashion show practice or dance practice or gymnastics. In later years, we might be going to a baseball or basketball game or some other school event.

She took us places and told us things that kept our heads held high and hearts open wide to others who needed the love she showed us. We didn’t go to church every week, but she laid the foundation for our faith even though hers is “not what I want it to be,” she says. My mama has a few crutches in her life, some needed, some perceived. Despite the lean, I love my mama for giving me life, sacrificing to make it good and paying the price to raise a healthy, happy and whole woman. At 41, I could say a lot more, but in that nutshell you have met my mama, the crazy lady, the one with the wicked laugh, and she is indeed my shero.

*not her choice word

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Free to Love

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Henry's Freedom Box by Ellen Levine

Today I write about not who I thought I would but about Henry “Box” Brown, one of the most famous runaway slaves of the Underground Railroad because he mailed himself to freedom. Henry has been on my mind because of a statement an old acquaintance made when she found out I was a stay at home mom. Referring to her brief time off with her child, she said, “I was bored. I didn’t know what to do.” I told her that I had heard that before. With others the statement had been apologetic as if the women were sorry they didn’t have the stamina to hold their post at home. But there were no apologies with this woman. With a raised eyebrow, the squint of the opposite eye, and the slow shake of her head, she said, “Go ahead. I couldn’t do it.” Then I thought about Henry and his mom and how they would have loved to be in this woman’s place.

As a boy in the early 1800s, Henry’s master took him from his mother and gave Henry to work as a slave for his son. Henry eventually married and had children, who all were sold away from him. His heart ached for his loved ones but he realized he wouldn’t see them anymore. With the help of friends, including a white abolitionist, Henry decided to ship himself to freedom. He got into a box and mailed himself from Virginia to Pennsylvania. In 1849 he was free from slavery but neither he nor his mom was free to be with their children, something they longed to do. Now I’m sure if my acquaintance had her children stolen from her, her heart would ache and she would fight to get them back, but her attitude conveyed an unwillingness to care for her them in a hard place. And I imagine there are few harder places to care for children than in slavery.

Joshua, 7, has a mouth that moves more than his busy body. And Nathaniel, 2, grabs and seeks to destroy everything in his sight. And Justus, 3 months, needs me for everything. Yes, my children are a challenge, but I’m so glad I can hold them, be around to scold them and to pour into them my values most of the day. Henry didn’t have that. Neither did his mom or wife or thousands of other enslaved Africans. Henry is my hero and so are the other men and women whose families were torn apart but they didn’t fall apart completely. They kept on because they chose to. And we get tripped up over some crying, demanding children who God has granted us favor to have. They weren’t sold or swindled from us like some Haitian children whose parents believed would have a better life if they gave them over to an agency that promised that. I hope we reassess our attitude toward being with our children and are grateful for the privilege to care for them, even in the hard places.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Maternal Vision

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Welcome my guest blogger, my pastor and friend Renee M. Carr, who will talk more about what it means to have maternal vision.

By Pastor Renee M. Carr

Too many women don’t recognize that they have the world in their womb, meaning the children they bear will impact the world, whether for good or for bad. As Christian women, we must recognize this reality and work to make sure that our children will make an impact on this world to the glory of Jesus Christ.

To help birth spiritually nurtured children who will affect change for God’s glory in the earth, mothers must have maternal vision. In Rhonda’s last post, she defined my notion of maternal vision as perceiving by any of your senses what must be done with your child; to have regard for and to cherish them; in essence, the ability to see what your child can become and, therefore, understand what needs to be done to help him or her to that point. Having maternal vision is the starting point for spiritual nourishment, but many women can’t begin because blind parenting is blocking their vision.

Blind parenting is interacting with your child but having no sense of who they will become (not seeing them) and, therefore, not knowing what to do to help them get there. It is the opposite of maternal vision. In order to not be a blind mother, you must work against the following:

1) Being a lazy mom, constantly delegating your maternal role to others. This could be an older child, grandparent or television. A good way to tell if you’re lazy is if you find yourself dropping off your child more than taking your child with you.

2) Lacking priority and education. You don’t prioritize the spiritual welfare of your children. You may give greater emphasis to non-spiritual activities, such as sports. And chances are you have never read a book on parenting or child development.

3) Being ill-focused or lacking balance of perspective. Focusing too much or too little attention on your child’s weaknesses or strengths or constantly prioritizing one child above the other are examples of being ill-focused or lacking balance of perspective.

4) Being spiritually, emotionally and mentally immature. When you have not developed in these three
areas, nine times out of 10 you will teach your children how to be spiritually, emotionally and mentally immature.

If at the heart of your character you are lazy, lack priority, education and balance of perspective, and are spiritually, emotionally and mentally immature, you are at risk for aborting your children whether physically or their purposed destiny. I know some of you reading this may have had a physical abortion. Please know that if you have repented, God has forgiven you. Receive His grace (1 John 1:9). If you haven’t repented, please know that God is there for you and wants to provide you with forgiveness. Please repent. And if you suspect that you have aborted your child’s purposed destiny, God wants you to repent, too. Now is the time to seek to have maternal vision so you don’t continue to alter any more of God’s plans for them.

In order to see who your children can become, do the following:

1) Cherish the basic and complex call to parenting (See Nurture Your Children).

2) Operate in faith. Just like Moses’ mom saw that he wasn’t an ordinary child, you too must see that your children are unique (Hebrews 11:23).

3) Pray. You need to constantly get wisdom from the Holy Spirit.

4) Spend quality time with your children. Know their likes and dislikes. Know who their friends are. Inquire about their academic development. Take them places they love and to new places to explore. Have bible study with them.

5) Obtain knowledge about child development. Study biblical material and apply them. Some good sources are “Growing Kids God’s Way” by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, “What the Bible Says About Child Training” by Richard Fugate and “The New Strong-Willed Child” by James Dobson.

6) Sacrifice and be positive about the sacrifice. People don’t need to hear you talk about being a martyr for your children. Realize that sacrifice is a part of motherhood and get to work.

By the grace of God, women, we can have maternal vision and set our children on a spiritually righteous course from our wombs to impact the entire world.

Copyright 2009 by Renee M. Carr

This was developed from the sermon series “The World in Your Womb” by Renee M. Carr, women’s pastor of Evangel Ministries, Detroit, MI. To get copies of the series, visit www.evangelministries.org or call 313-836-7732.

The Challenge to Nurture Your Children

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My heart ached, feeling like it was breaking in two, when I heard she didn’t want him, her two-year-old son and second child. The first she put up for adoption. Now after trying her hand at raising him, exposing him to a sexually abusive and otherwise violent man, she says she “doesn’t want him.” She tried to be a mother but hadn’t healed from what hindered her nurturing instincts when she birthed the first child. She gave up on her calling, too weak to focus on mothering, let alone accomplish it. She’s a victim herself and now will likely place her son in the care of the State, diminishing his chances of going from victim to victor.

My heart aches for this woman and child and so many others that I have heard too often in the news: a mother sells her 7-year-old daughter for crack; a mother turns a blind eye at her husband molesting her children; a mother abandons her one and four-year-old children in a home for days, leaving them to fend for themselves; and a mother locks her child in the closet, only feeding her every few days, stunting her physical and emotional growth. There are many others; I’m sure you’ve heard them, and like me find it hard to imagine doing these things. I cry as I type this because of the incessant abuse that I can’t fathom but understand can happen when women don’t understand they are called to nurture their children.

“Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth. . .”—Genesis 1:28 (KJV).

Too many women stop at being fruitful (getting pregnant), multiplying (having a lot of children) and replenishing the earth (so those children occupy various parts of the land) and don’t consider for what purpose. First, God called humans to have children so they can control the animal species, and, second, to produce a godly offspring, children dedicated to serve Him (Malachi 2:15). And the only way children will be dedicated to serving God is if they are taught to do so; they must grow to this point, and this is the job of a nurturing mother.

Most mothers I know are dedicated to nurturing their children in some way. Whether it’s imparting good hygiene skills and manners or helping to cultivate academic or sports prowess, they are constantly teaching their children in these areas that seem to be of the utmost importance for their children to succeed in this physical world. But the calling on a child’s life, including any mention of excellence for a believer in Jesus Christ, is always to benefit God’s kingdom, a place that we help control in the spiritual world while on this earth.

So with learning good hygiene skills and manners and academic and sports prowess, teaching your children that God should get the glory in each is the key to nurturing. We must focus here because we will get off track, on one extreme grossly abusing them like the mothers above or on the other extreme building up their humanity apart from God; either way we fail to impart to them the ultimate purpose of their existence: to give God glory. Let’s nurture our children based on God’s call to mankind to fill the earth with people who will live for and worship Him.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith