Making a Habit

This day has come to be the one when I share with you my gifts, the 1000 plus items I’ve chronicled that I am thankful to God for. I began keeping this list January 31, 2011. I stopped keeping this list September 29, 2011. It’s not that I consciously stopped. One day and the next and the next I had stopped writing my thanks in my journal and began speaking aloud my thanks. Sometimes I would smile as I acknowledged my gratitude in my mind or I showed it by doing something pleasing for someone else. I then understood that I no longer needed the practice of writing thanks in a journal but that I had become that living journal, going from “thanksgiving to thanksliving,” as Ann Voskamp says.

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Me holding Justus and my copy of “One Thousand Gifts” by the incredibly talented Ann Voskamp

Voskamp is the author of the New York Times bestselling book “One Thousand Gifts,” based on her own challenge to record that many thanks. Her challenged revolutionized her life and taking on the challenge has revolutionized mine. I went from a chronic complainer (though mostly in my own mind) to one who more often assumes the best and doesn’t allow the worst to control me. This exercise has increased the evidence of my joy. My perspective is eternal and temporal things have been put into their proper temporary place; I engage them only but for a moment and turn my attention to Who and what matters: Jesus Christ and all the many blessings, big and small, that come from Him every single moment of every single day. Though I have stopped recording my gifts, I still have hundreds to share with you and even more if you follow me on Twitter (@RhonJSmith) thanks to the new “One Thousand Gifts” app. This app lets you chronicle your gifts on your phone or tablet and gives you the option to share them on Facebook, Twitter or Flickr. Sometimes I would forget to take my journal with me and would miss out on recording gifts. I rarely forget my phone so writing something that gives me great delight is so easy and I will have a record of a great memory.

Won’t you join the challenge and record your own 1,000 gifts or more? You can get the app through Apple and Android stores.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#331-340
Catching up with Kim and her volunteering to do the PR for the book signing
The church approving space for the book signing
Ruth visiting and bringing the boys nice gifts and the two of us lunch and having fine fellowship
Not having angst about Flynn being away three evenings in a row
Visiting Nana as she bereaves Dan
Discovering in Joshua’s school bag a carton of curdled milk, the source of the stinky smell
Feeding birds and watching them swoon on the food
The fluttering of happy bird wings
That I didn’t snap when I heard “Mommy, Mommy” for the umpteenth time
The love and joy of family

Don’t Go There

My morning burst forth like a classic night terror movie scene. With crisp precision, my eyes popped opened, scanned the room and wondered why I saw him, felt that way and what I was doing there. We just talked, but nothing about the encounter was holy and I hesitated about leaving, wondered what life would have been like if our paths hadn’t diverged. At that moment I woke up, transported back to reality and left with a memory of what happens when we allow ourselves to “go there.”

We go to our past, pick up the scraps and try to piece them to our present, not recognizing we are jeopardizing our now and future. We are Lot’s wife, knowing we have—even being forced—to leave our old way yet looking longingly back and finding that the look paralyzes us (Genesis 19:26). We are a pillar of salt, a lump, unable to make moral decisions even though God has saved us. He came into our cities of sin, told us where to go and why, but we want to stay. So we become an unusable seasoning, salted by God to create great flavor in the world but our turning keeps us from being sprinkled (Matthew 5:13). Still belonging to God He again steps in to save us, sending us a dream, a friend, a song, a verse, a sermon, anything to warn us to not go there, to come away from there so we don’t wreck our lives.

Whatever place you have a yearning to go that will threaten your life, protect yourself before you turn back. Get an accountability partner, avoid triggers (like listening to certain songs or hanging with certain people) and dwell on the right thoughts, with the right people and in the right places (Philippians 4:8, 1 Corinthians 15:33; Psalm 91). We recovering strong black women need to do these things because so often we think we are strong then we fail (1 Corinthians 10:12). Even if we struggle, we must remember God is faithful and will jolt us back to reality, saving us from needless heartache and helping us maintain our ability to sprinkle the world with our flavor just as He intended (1 Corinthians 10:13).

My One Thousand Gifts List

#241-250
Joshua’s stomach feeling better
A self-inspiring blog
Sharing One Thousand Gifts with Christen and seeing her moved by it
Reading Nichole’s essay and her excitement about writing again
Getting my two books by Priscilla Shirer
Swiftly reconciling with my sister after reacting to an old offense
Feeling free after confessing my fault to my sister
Running with Joshua
Playing Hangman with Joshua
Playing the Matching game with Joshua and Nathaniel as Justus ate an apple and watched us

Vacation Tribute

For leisurely mornings and late-day breakfasts
Traveling roads of grass-feeding cows and streaked-clouded skies
Feeding giraffes and following red panda, other world animals, in our state’s backyard
For restaurants with vegetarian fare, swimming pools, play and rest
Time and talk with friends
Exchanging light-hearted banter, running dreams and plans past one another
Walking bodies, busily and lazily, at our choosing
Double-features at home and away
Long, late talks touching tummies and hearts
Melted ice cream on hands and cement porches
Laughing loud and hard at made up dances and other antics
The five of us, sometimes just two, cuddled up, snuggling real good
For this, our vacation, I am thankful.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#191-200
Early morning time with Nate enjoying his company
Being able to return Joshua’s clothes to JCPenny
Nate initiating playing with matching color and shape cards
Taking children to the library
Joshua finishing homework before 4:30 p.m.
Seein the children’s joy at being at the library
Sweet fellowship with God
Nate loving fruit
Nate wanting to mingle with the older children at the library
Flynn buying chicken so I didn’t have to cook dinner

Still Thankful

I’m still on vacation, but I’m still thankful, particularly for God’s creation that effectively calms a strong black woman learning to take a rest from the superwoman cape.

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My One Thousand Gifts List

#181-190
God giving me beautiful words for my blog
Completing the LSCO minutes
Patience with the children
Lunch prepared right as Josh and Nate were coming to eat
Being able to cook with little interruption from the children
Flynn and I being able to talk about my concerns on a touchy subject
Participating in the LSCO
Mrs. Carethers appreciating me
Justus going to bed and falling asleep without nursing
Sleeping almost five hours straight through the night

Breathing Easy

Last week I was breathing easy. Even on Wednesday with a writing deadline and meal for 12 AND my family to fix, I didn’t stress but said, “God you knew I had all of this to do so I’m looking for your grace.” And with that, I got my family fed by 7 p.m., the crew of 12 by 8 p.m. (1/2 hour late, but it turns out they needed the extra time) and I finished my piece before midnight, at 10:30 p.m. to be exact. I kept stopping to take a self stress test, wondering why my insides didn’t match the chaos outside. This day was a manifestation of a painfully stressful journey that I had completed.

I had “lived with bated breath, sat rapt at attention, clinging to the last inhale, waiting for what’s to be. Anticipation has been my oxygen, it’s unreliable tank shooting spurts of air, giving me just enough to just be. This is a stilted life, never fully being and never fully feeling life….” If you haven’t already, I invite you to join me at the (in)courage blog to read the rest of my story of new found freedom of breathing easy.

I thank God for such a wonderful change in me and pray you lean on Jesus for whatever wonderful change you need to happen in you.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

My One Thousand Gifts List

#161-170
A delicious meal
A quiet house
Clarity from God
Flynn buying me a watch
Justus’ cry
Sister Shirley buying me so many journals
Justus is a happy baby
Justus being a fun-loving baby
Nate giving me apple suga
Another day of structured learning for Nate