Tag Archives: Gratitude

Forever Thankful

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Loving my freedom
Living my life
All because of US soldiers and Jesus Christ
Laying down their lives

I honor and thank them this Memorial Day.

May God bless you today as you remember those who gave their lives for us to live ours.

My One Thousand Gifts List

591-600
Perfecting my gluten-free pancake recipe
Family Fun Day at Joshua’s school
The kids in bed before 9 p.m.
Folding laundry
God speaking to me to cuddle with my husband when I didn’t want to
A devotional time where God challenged me and to share with others to think about the joy set before us from the crosses we must bear
Shopping at Forman Mills where I got two handbags, two skirts and shoes for Nate
Designer boots at a resale shop for $11
Buying items to create a new idea
Tabitha available to watch the boys

Release the Secret, Release the Pain

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There are deep dark secrets no one wants to talk about. We’ve all had them and may have believed sharing was forbidden. Shame says we are to blame. Peace takes a back seat to shame and has us wearing our feelings on soul’s edge, always there ready to direct us, keep us in bondage. After all, strong black women have to keep it together even if we’re in prison. Well, I know prison was never meant for me so I let my secrets out. They ran from me and into the arms of those who needed to embrace my story to help them release theirs. When I let my secrets loose so too went my soul, and others’, free from the enemy’s lies about who I am and what I’ll never be.

Freedom is sweet when you can speak the truth and not allow what happened define you in a negative light. The future is always bright for believers in Christ, for faith stands and provides penetrating light for needed transparency. This is the case, I believe, with my latest EEW column that begins below on protecting our children from sexual abuse. Please read, glean and offer your insights and questions in the magazine comment section. As always, please feel free to comment here on the blog, too.




She didn’t think anyone would believe her. He told her this, said they would believe it was her fault, that she wanted to play their game, that she would shame her name. So she shrunk in silence, only the tears crying out her pain during their touching game. Maybe the abuse occurred a few times, but she was forever changed.

We have heard this before. Some sexual predator targets a child, our child, and we find out about the abuse long after it stops. Our once outgoing child now seems nervous and scared. Perhaps she doesn’t want to visit with a certain relative, is acting out in school, is sexually active or is chronically depressed. We don’t understand the behavior, then the child finally reveals the unmentionable happened to her. Maybe it was her father, stepfather, uncle, cousin, pastor or his neighbor. Little girls and boys are being sexually abused right in our midst. Somehow some of us don’t think it’s supposed to happen to us. We’re good church folks and this doesn’t happen, shouldn’t be happening, to us. So when the abuse occurs some of us perpetuate the cover up. We don’t want it said that it happened to our family. Then some of us are unknowingly complicit; we sit in silence because we just don’t know what to do. Read the rest at EEW Magazine.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#461-470
Showering and dressing the boys without stress
A meeting that provided much-needed revelation
Having a breakthrough moment with a friend who challenged me to interrupt her to talk about me when she is talking incessantly about herself
Folding all and putting away most of the laundry
A shower before Justus awoke and without interruption from Nate
Devotion time early with Nathaniel
Visiting my grandfather and giving him water and reading John 1 to him
Attending Science Night at Joshua’s school and hearing him say, “I wish we could stay here. I’m loving this.”
All the boys competing then taking turns to kiss Flynn
Carla calling to check on me

Positioned to Plant

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“Give it up; give it all up.” This I heard God say when seeking Him about easing back into public ministry after taking a six-month maternity leave right before I had my second child. That was four years ago and I have yet to return to serve as my church’s women’s ministry assistant director, discipleship director and a regular bible teacher (all the positions that flashed in my mind when I heard God speak). I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I knew that God had planted me in women’s ministry and couldn’t understand why He would remove me from those positions. “How can I walk in my calling if I’m not in my positions?” Responding to my thoughts, I heard God say “They will come.” “How are they going to find me?” I responded. God was silent, probably laughing that I forgot that He was all-powerful and all-knowing and that He could orchestrate any scenario—in or out of my home—to help me fulfill my purpose. Of course, that’s exactly what happened.

In addition to the women who I had a direct discipleship relationship with, women began calling me to counsel and mentor them; I received two major writing assignments without having ever met the people who hired me; and my husband and I started counseling about some married and engaged couples. Through this blog, that God led me to begin after my transition out of public ministry, and other online sources, I have connected with so many women that I have ministered to and alongside. Yes, the women (and husbands) came right into my home, on my couch, through my phone and over my computer. In many ways my volume of ministry to women is more than it was when I was fully serving in public ministry. I would never have imagined this. Only God knew and He knows the same for you. Allow God to use you wherever you find yourself and whatever season you find yourself in. Though you may not have imagined being where you are, even thinking the timing of your season sucks, know that God wants to use you right where you are.

My friend Dianna just ministered a three-day revival where she, in essence, charged us to “sow the seed God gave us” wherever we are planted. She explained that God gives each of us a seed—a calling to win souls that we are to fulfill using whatever gifts and talents God gives us. And we are to use our seed, to sow it, right where we find ourselves, not where we think we should be. When she spoke, I thought of 1 Corinthians 12:4-7:

Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.
And there are differences of administrations, but the same Lord.
And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all.
But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal.

We may not have the same gifts as another but even if we do that doesn’t mean we should be in the same position (administration) or even use our gift the same way (operation). The difference in the administration and operation can depend on many aspects, including our calling, personality, ability, talent, season, and planting. I think those of us who know our calling and want to fulfill it get tripped up in the other areas. If we aren’t comfortable with how God made us (our personality, ability and talent) and place more emphasis on a position we have, then we will have a hard time being satisfied with operating in whatever season we are in. And the season dictates where we are planted.

So, we have to be scouts, looking for opportunities to sow our seed right where we are. If I weren’t forced to learn this I probably would have missed ministering recently to two of my mom’s friends—women in their 70s, right over my telephone. No, I didn’t imagine that, but God did and I am thankful that He had me switch positions so I could minister in places and to people that I otherwise would surely have missed.

What are some adjustments you need to make in your life so you can sow your seed right where you are?

My One Thousand Gifts List

#431-440
A great time in fellowship with one of my disciples with God giving me wisdom and prophetic words for her and me realizing why I didn’t feel led to eat breakfast
Nate sticking a rattail comb in a navel orange and saying, “It’s like a pirate (ship).”
Justus smiling after a bite of banana
Not being as upset as I normally would after not being able to book the date I wanted for an event
Switching my sad demeanor into gratitude after thinking how ridiculous my slumping was in comparison to the concerns of our Compassion son and folks who have suffered from recent natural tragedies
Joshua being out of school for two days so I got to sleep in
Being able to babysit for a new friend and feeding her and her son healthy food
Joshua and Nate playing outside
The entire family enjoying the meal
Taking the boys to the park

Reluctant to Come

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The clock rang and I barely heard it, calling me to get ready for the Early Risers, the 6:30 Sunday morning prayer service at church. I rolled over, tried to sleep another 40 minutes, but the call and commitment to go pulled harder than my comfortable bed. I debated, contemplated texting that I didn’t feel well enough to come, though I was expected there. I got up, even though prayer just didn’t seem that important. Through the mumbling of thanks in the shower, the slipping on of clothes, the wrapping in my bear coat, covering with my hat, gloves and boots, I bare the day, drive, get there and determine to stay in the moments.

The brothers greet me at the door, commenting on outer warmth, not knowing the cold that still chills my soul. I sit and quietly bow, pray forgiveness for wanting what could never soothe my soul like the soul-cleansing work of talking to Jesus. And we all know this, us gathered here to press into God’s presence, to seek His face to heal or give guidance to what we face. We know we must seek Jesus in the way we know how. So the brother with the jive, who jiggles, reaches, almost dives, gets all the way live for Jesus, is there. The wailer, who drowns, covers all our prayers, is there. The shouter, belly gutting hallelujahs enough for all of us, is there. The singer, melodiously speaking her thoughts to God, is there. The repeater, rhythmically rumbling the same phrases, is there. The pastor, homemaker, government worker, full-time encourager, the hugger and crier have come. We’ve all come, weathering our storms, holding on to cling to the One who wakes us and stays with us all day. For this bunch, I am thankful.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#411-420
Hosting unexpected guests
Forgetting that I was supposed to have “me time” away from the house today
Flynn grocery shopping and buying dinner so I didn’t have to cook
Getting to bed before 11 p.m.
The children going to sleep without a fight
Awaking with little anxiety about the long day
Recording six vlog takes before I had to go see about Justus
Not fretting when I couldn’t find my old computer CD files and remembering that they might be on my desktop (and they were)
Not fretting about the possibility of losing my work when the Internet was tripping
Seeing that my video upload was complete after the Internet was tripping

Traditions Aside

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Some of us didn’t go to church yesterday. It was Christmas and service interfered with our tradition of getting up early and allowing the children to open and play with their gifts to their hearts content. We didn’t want to mess with tradition, the one we’ve held for years. I understand tradition. Years ago I bought a book full of ideas for making family memories. This has always been my desire. I want my sons to have etched in their minds that the Smiths did this on that holiday, went there those summers, made that for the birthdays and did this just because. I haven’t read the book, only glanced through it and haven’t tried any of its suggestions, but I have worked to create on my own memories throughout the year with visits to the park and libraries, baking a treat at least every couple of months and me chasing the boys around the house about once a week.

And, of course, we have our Christmas traditions: making cookies, opening up stocking stuffer gifts and watching Christmas DVDs on Christmas Eve, and having Christmas Eve brunch with my mom, siblings and their families. We managed to keep up some of the traditions this year though they looked a little different with my mom being in the hospital, today marking six weeks her being there.

Instead of leisurely, we hurriedly made cookies during commercials of one Christmas movie we found on TV, tiredly opened up our stocking gifts, and had a rushed brunch after church at my brother’s so we could all go to spend some time with my mom in her hospital room. The weeks since prior to Thanksgiving have been full of care and concern for my mom, has had me pulling double household duties and has left my whole family with little time and energy to do what we normally do. I have been laser focused on honoring my mother while still caring for my children and loving my husband. If I weren’t in strong black woman recovery I would need to be in somebody’s recovery program because the stress of my life would have me stressed out. But I welcomed unsettled movie watching, quick cookie making, blurry-eyed gift exchanging, and brief brunching knowing that my change in traditions would be for my mom’s betterment. And to see her eyes brighten and cry upon seeing all her grandkids sealed my feelings all the more. God’s leading must lead our traditions out of our way.

One day some Pharisees and teachers of religious law arrived from Jerusalem to see Jesus.
They noticed that some of his disciples failed to follow the Jewish ritual of hand washing before eating. (The Jews, especially the Pharisees, do not eat until they have poured water over their cupped hands, as required by their ancient traditions. Similarly, they don’t eat anything from the market until they immerse their hands in water. This is but one of many traditions they have clung to–such as their ceremonial washing of cups, pitchers, and kettles. ) So the Pharisees and teachers of religious law asked him, “Why don’t your disciples follow our age-old tradition? They eat without first performing the hand-washing ceremony.” Jesus replied, “You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote, ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.’ For you ignore God’s law and substitute your own tradition.” Then he said, “You skillfully sidestep God’s law in order to hold on to your own tradition.—Mark 7:1-9 (NLT)

When we decide to focus on what we have always done we miss what God is doing now. When we focus on our tradition, we miss what God is teaching. When we honor ourselves, we dishonor God and sometimes this dishonor comes when we decide to stay home from church to have our Christmas, effectively taking Christ, the object of Christmas and the one who commanded us to gather together, out of the holiday. We decided that we would follow our tradition and forget God’s tradition of assembling with the saints to worship Him together (Hebrews 10:25). And this following ourselves and not God concerns me. God has our best intentions in mind, but when we follow our ways and not His, surely we will not receive the best for ourselves. So I wonder, what type of heartbreak are we setting ourselves up for when we focus on man’s tradition above God’s tradition? What happens when the tradition breaks beyond our control? When a loved one dies, when we get sick and don’t have the strength that we usually do? What happens when our esteemed traditions change or don’t happen at all?

Traditions will change because people and circumstances do. The only way we can prepare for the change and not fall and STAY apart is when we do our part and follow God’s traditions. I am so grateful for God’s plans, those that inherently unreliable man can never change.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#371-380
Justus gurgling
Joshua telling me I’m the best mama in the “entire United States”
Cancelling lunch with a friend without being overwhelmed because I couldn’t go
For children who have the ability to cry, fuss, holler and complain
Parkman Branch library
A blog message
A reimbursement check from my insurance company
Extra monthly income
God sustaining me through a long day
God inhabiting my praises when I REALLY needed Him to today