Oooooo. The title just sounds like I’m trying to start something. Really, though, I’m not trying to pick a fight, but I do want to incite some wrestling, just a little tussle, in your soul, to identify some strong black woman issues (particularly yours if you’re an SBW). Now if you’re not a strong black woman, you’re welcome to identify, but be ready for a fight. Doing so is like white people using the N-word or somebody else talking about your crazy mama. You just don’t do it aloud and not expect some resistence. But I want to know what anyone thinks. Hearing from “outsiders” often gives a much needed perspective to move from where you are to where God would have you to be.

As I continue to consider the definition of a strong black woman, one of the main characteristics I see is oppression. Discrimination comes because of race and gender. And don’t be talented, too. Whew!!! It can be rough. I don’t know how many times I received that “You’re normal like me,” “How did YOU do that?” or “We didn’t think you could handle this assignment” look or comment, been altogether ignored or just flat out called a name. Other oppression is real and a real pain.

Besides other oppression, there is self oppression, and this is what we don’t like to talk about. This is how we oppress ourselves as we attempt to combat other oppression and even fulfill expectations that people have of us. It’s even when do harm to our sister to try to maintain where we think we should be (Ouch!). I realize that I’m in recovery because of the scars of other and self oppression. Yes, there have been some “white man” problems, but what about those problems I caused. How have I contributed to my need for recovery?

You know I want to hear your story. What are your other and self oppression issues? We can’t ignore what’s happened (and continues to happen) from without, but let’s wrestle with our own mess.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

The heartbeat of what I have read over the years, recent links and even some of your (and definitely my) comments are the reasons I am a “Parenthetical Recovering Strong Black Woman.” What is the heartbeat of most strong black women writings that I have seen? There is this doublespeak that takes place: On one hand we revere this woman who believes she has to take on everything and take others to task who don’t respect her; and on the other hand we say we don’t want to be her but are proud that we are her. There is a sense of schizophrenia happening, and this dual reality has me in a tailspin.

I am a Parenthetical Recovering Strong Black Woman because I recognize the need to pause about why I accept being called a strong black woman. I recognize my strong black woman wounds and the need to heal from those wounds. And I understand the need to be a woman, always recovering but never quite looking the same as the strong black woman without the parenthesis. I am a woman still in process, learning to properly redefine myself as a strong black woman, and in doing so I realize that I not only need to behave differently but I need new terminology to reflect the change. I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a strong black woman because of all the dizzying doublespeak and labels (deserved and undeserved) that come with that name. I declare a new name, though I don’t know what it is. But one thing I do know: In Christ I am new. Old things have passed away. All things are new (2 Corinthians 5:17). I just need to catch up with Christ’s declaration of who I am. With his leading, I know I’ll get there.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Happy Year 2009, Everyone!

Some have wondered why the word recovering is in my blog title and in parenthesis for that matter. Well, that’s the type of discussion I want to have. Without yet telling you directly why recovering is in the title and why I placed it in parenthesis, let me start the discussion by talking about the meaning of recovering and the purpose of parentheses.

As we know, recovering means the process of getting back; restoring to a normal state; regaining. I placed recovering in parenthesis because this type of punctuation is meant for you to pause and consider what’s inside it. The parenthetical word can sometimes be deleted without affecting the writer’s true intent. But pausing to consider the verbal interruption surely adds another layer to the original thought.

What do you think of when you see the phrase (Recovering) Strong Black Woman? What affect does the parenthesis have on your understanding of the title? And based on your understanding, would you say you are a “Parenthetical Recovering Strong Black Woman”? I won’t keep you hanging. I will eventually tell you my thoughts behind the word and its parenthesis, but I first want to hear from you.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith