She’s all that. She’s got it goin’ on. She is a together sister. These are common descriptions of strong black women. Even those of us who are cool under pressure have weak moments. We are human. And though we know this, we sometimes bask in the superhuman status that has been bestowed upon us. We like the view from the pedestal and fear that a fall from ‘grace’ would be great. The view is better from above, and we want to stay there. This is reason enough to choose silence, keeping to ourselves our weak moments so others continue to believe we are always all that.

We may say, “I just process internally” or “I’m trying to get my thoughts together” as reasons why we don’t reveal our internal struggles. These excuses may be true, but do you eventually tell someone about them or do you just try to work the situation out yourself? James 5:16 tells us to share with others what’s wrong with us and pray for each other so we can be healed. If we keep our stuff inside, veiled under the guise of spiritual processing, we are in sin. Yes, you must be selective about who you share with. You have to be Spirit led, but once you are, don’t choose silence to control others’ thoughts of you. Speak out so that you take yourself off the perch and receive the healing that is meant for you.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Think before you speak. Breathe before you speak. Pause before you speak. Count to 10 before you speak. We are given all these warnings so we don’t regret saying something that will hurt someone’s feelings, damage a relationship or even mess up our reputation. This can be hard for strong black women who believe in telling it like it is and setting the record straight. But what about when we go to the other extreme, choosing silence not to practice self control but to control?

Sometimes we choose silence as a method of control. Here are some ways:
1) We don’t tell others about our weak moments because we want to control how they view us;
2) We want others to suffer so we give them the silent treatment; and
3) We take God’s silence as permission to do what we want.

Have you ever chosen silence to control how others view you, to punish them or to do what you want? Look forward to hearing more on these. In the meantime I’d love to hear your control stories.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith