Tag Archives: Faith

Marital Roles

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I remember reading an analogy in PB Wilson’s Liberated Through Submission about the daily requirement of submission from all people. She talked about driving and the need to yield (submit) to other drivers, particularly when merging in traffic. It’s not that the other drivers are better than you; it’s just that for the safety of all, yielding is necessary. This helped me see my role in submission in marriage differently. Her description in no way gave a picture of a doormat to be stepped on, but an act necessary for the benefit of all. This is the picture that Scripture paints.

Men and women in general, and husbands and wives more specifically, are the same in value in Jesus Christ’s sight (Galatians 3:28), and He requires mutual consideration in marriage, but each spouse has been called to different functions. I believe this is so for there to be order in the marriage (1 Corinthians 11:3-12). Two main functions for the husband are provider and protector and for the wife, submitter and respecter.

The husband was called from the beginning to be a provider and protector when he was told to dress (work) and keep (protect) the garden (Genesis 2:5-17). God didn’t change his mind about man’s responsibilities in marriage when he laid out the duties of sanctifier, nourisher, cherisher, cleanser and lover in Ephesians 5. Each of these duties fall under provider and protector and require the husband to do so spiritually, physically and emotionally (See also 1 Corinthians 7:3, Colossians 3:19 and 1 Peter 3:7). The husband is compared to Jesus Christ and the woman to the church (Christians). So just like Christians are to submit to and respect Christ, so are wives to submit to and respect their husbands. Jesus Christ is the perfect provider and protector, and through Him a husband can seek to fulfill these roles in marriage. And Christ was perfect in submission and the respect of others, and through Him we can do the same for our husbands.

The major roles of each spouse don’t exclude the other from operating in the other’s roles from time to time when appropriate, but they are not the other’s primary responsibilities. So strong black woman, you don’t need no man to provide for or to protect you, but if you’re married this is what God requires that husbands do for you. Don’t let a bad attitude or a confusion of roles keep you from receiving blessings from your husband. Remember, each spouse seeking to fully operate in their function is biblical equality.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Marital Oneness

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“I don’t need no man,” many a strong black woman has said. And she is right. In fact, if you look at why God made woman, you could infer that the man needs a woman (Gen. 2:18-23). But I don’t think this is what God wants us to get from that passage. It’s about two whole people coming together to enhance each other’s wholeness and being on one accord. This is what I think typifies oneness; two people can come together knowing their strengths and weaknesses and contribute and accept enhancement from the other (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). The two agree, based on God’s word, how they will develop this oneness.

Oneness wasn’t even in my mind when I was demanding a new family structure from what my husband-to-be was accustomed to (see previous entry). I told him that we were not going to his people’s house. I didn’t tell him what I thought and ask him what he thought so together we could decide what a new family custom might be. I was also drawing the line between what’s his and what’s mine, by referring to his birth family as his people instead of seeing them as our people. Being one means his family becomes my family. He leaves them and becomes one with me, not being under his parents’ rules anymore but operating based upon the guidelines of our new family (Genesis 2:24). Our oneness now requires synergy based upon a scriptural model. And part of the scriptural model for marriage is the different roles assigned to husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:21-33). I’ll talk about that more next time, but for now, in what ways may you have disrupted oneness in marriage? What about others you know? You know I want your feedback. I look forward to receiving it.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Feminist Notions

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I told you I have never considered myself a feminist, but consider the notions I had as a strong black woman (and maybe you did or still do have) that could be considered feminist:

    1) Men and women are equal in all ways.
    2) I don’t need a man to provide for or protect me.
    3) We will split everything 50/50 in my marriage (bills, duties, etc.).
    4) I’m not in favor of abortion for me, but I believe women should have a choice to decide what they want to do with their own bodies.
    5) You should be able to love whoever finds you loveable and you find loveable, no matter what gender.

As I examine my former thoughts, I realize that I gave priority to my womanhood; I considered my existence by giving preference to my female desires with little or no regard to the negative effects on men or children. These feminist notions truly are from the human spirit and not the Holy Spirit, but they made me feel good about myself and humanity. I believed that humanity could evolve from the bondages of patriarchal boundaries by removing the boundaries to freely choose unrestrained egalitarianism or even matriarchy.

Yes, we are free to choose, but we are not free to choose any natural consequences of our decisions. When we as Christians decide what’s best for us apart from God, we have eliminated Him as God in our life and have taken the throne (Judges 17:6, 21:25). Jesus Christ is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), and if we believe that, our decisions have to reflect that.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

God's Priorities

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As I have discussed in previous entries, with any worldview there are extremists. There is the extreme feminist, even among Christians. The radical feminist theologian challenges the authority of the Bible by judging it from her point of view. She also considers the Bible just as inspired as other texts and uses them equally to inform her views.

The extreme Afrocentrist is a black supremacist. She believes that people of African descent are superior to those of other races in all ways, including intellect and culture. It is dangerous to align yourself with either theory because of the extremes. I took a leap and called myself, for the most part, an Afrocentrist, because of Dr. Asante’s emphasis to bring Afrocentrism to the table along with other views; this has been his original intent.

Some may say I should be brave and call myself a feminist. After all, “You do believe in women’s rights.” And even though it seems a newspaper first called women advocating women’s rights feminists (http://tinyurl.com/dc88a7) , and not the women themselves, I am still hesitant because I don’t agree with some major issues being advocated, such as all the tentacles placed under reproductive rights (like abortion rights and contraception as birth control). Must I use a term determined for me just because it seems accurate or do I determine the label based on my prescribed priorities?

I keep asking myself, “Why, Christian, do you look to the world to name and define you when God has already given you parameters in His holy word?” While I cannot deny the racial and gender experiences that I have had in this world, I must use as a starting point the book that has declared me a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). God has prescribed priorities for me, and these are where I need to get my labels. So as I continue to develop a new theory for the Christian who is female and black, I will base what my focus should be and how I should be treated based upon what God says about Christian women and blacks. The next few entries should be really interesting. In the meantime, check out some of the Scriptures that have helped to inform my view: Psalm 9:9, 10:18, 103:6; Isaiah 58:6; Acts 2:17-18, 10:38; Ezekiel 22:29-31; Titus 2:3-5; Jeremiah 9:17-21; Leviticus 19:15; Ephesians 4:11; Galatians 3:28).

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Sheroe List

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100greatestafricanamericans
For his book “100 Greatest African Americans,” Dr. Molefi Asante used five factors for his selection criteria:

    1. “significance in the general progress of African Americans toward full equality in the American social and political system”
    2. “self-sacrifice and a willingness to take great risks for the collective good”
    3. “unusual will and determination in the face of great danger and against the most stubborn odds”
    4. “a consistent posture toward raising the social, cultural and economic status of African Americans”
    5. “personal achievement that reveals the best qualities of the African American people”

As Christian women who are black, how can we develop criteria for a Christian womanhood that includes the racial part of us without compromising biblical mandates? I would love your feedback to help me solidify a new theory, one that I have been developing for years.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith