Tag Archives: EEW Magazine

The Primacy of Marriage

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Living this life can be tough. We all have so many responsibilities that seeking to manage them all indeed is more than a full-time job. Juggling several responsibilities often leads to a high level of stress and can cause us to handle issues out of their proper order just to get them done. For recovering strong black women, who have traditionally made things happen their own way, following another’s design for order may not be something we are inclined to want to do. But God has an order for all things, including marriage, and expects us to follow. I am so grateful God has continually impressed on my heart the importance of marriage though I have stumbled at times with putting it first. Read more of what I have to say about the primacy of marriage, for married and single women, in my latest EEW Column, which begins below:

I wake up rushed many days, having slept longer than I wanted, keeping me from having a few hours alone before the children arise. On these days we rise within 20 minutes or so of each other because I have stayed up late hanging out with my night-owl hubby. This wasn’t always the case. While I worked hard in some areas to have a strong marriage, like seeking to be gentle in my speech, I was a stickler about going to bed at 9 p.m., well before Flynn wanted to call it a night.

I wanted to be able to wake up at 4 a.m. to have half the morning to myself to pray, study the Bible, clean the house and help my husband get off to work. I would spend the rest of the day pouring into the children and in the evening I was too wiped out to talk much beyond children updates, let alone have regular physical intimacy with my husband. Though my husband and I have always been good friends, I knew there was a level of closeness we didn’t have and I knew it was because we both had opted for me to rest from being so tired from giving to the children. Even on this “small” scale we, without even being conscious of it, were allowing the children to pull our marriage apart by putting their needs above our own.

Maybe you can relate to this because this happened to your parents or is happening to you. Most of your hours are spent doing for the children, carting them to this practice and that program, assisting with homework and engaging in the everyday life of nurturing children. Yes, our children need us, but we can’t put our children before our marriage, be that marriage to a spouse or, for single women, to God. And when Christian marriages are torn apart, the Kingdom of God is torn apart. Read more at EEW Magazine.

My One Thousand Gifts List
#541-550
Editing an article for a website
Skinning and seasoning chicken with amazing quickness
Flynn grocery shopping
Being able to iron Flynn’s clothes for church
Justus lying on my chest after nursing
Justus holding my finger, leading me to the den and not wanting to let go
Great, clear direction from God
A fast and informative blog post
An interview on the Chocolate Pages Network
Kamil picking up and babysitting the boys so I could go to court

Mother Respect

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What Do You Think? Wednesday

Being a mom is hard. Whether you juggle work outside the home or seek to balance life while caring for children full-time, the work of mothering can make you want to quit, at least temporarily. I know I’m not the only one who may have that momentary thought. Though the calling is full of blessings, we need mothering breaks, but we have to know what breaks are appropriate. The break we take to regain our sense of self, sanity or anything else we may have lost giving ourselves to mothering may be the one to cause us to lose our children’s respect. Like any calling from God, we can’t delegate mothering, put it on hold or simply hope for the best as we take a hands-off approach. Though we recovering strong black women have full lives that may be rich with variety, the greatest contribution we can give to the Kingdom of God is disciples sold out for Jesus Christ. Whether our children are spiritual or biological they must respect our authority in their lives so we have the foundation we need to impart all that God intends for them to have. Read more about this in my latest EEW Magazine article, which begins below:


She was asleep on the couch, taking a short rest in the comfort of her own home. This was her bed for the minute but became her last resting place alive after her 14-year-old son shot her because she forbade him to associate with alleged gang members. In another case, a 15-year-old boy stabbed his father to death as the father tried to physically restrain him from leaving the house to hang with gang members. Both these incidents happened a few weeks ago in Michigan but we too often hear stories like this across the nation where children have taken the lives of the very ones who gave them life. What is it that would make a child kill a mother or a father, the ultimate act of parental disrespect? Barring the child being sexually, physically or emotionally abused or having substance abuse or mental illness issues, perhaps the one reason a child would cuss out, strike at, steal from or kill a parent is simply not respecting their parents’ authority.

“Respect is not given but must be earned,” goes the old adage. Though some of us would like to believe that respect automatically comes with being a parent, that simply is not the case. We see the disrespect with the three-year-old cutting up in the grocery line, the 12-year-old with the attitude at the mall. or the 16-year-old who refuses to come out of the bedroom because of conflict with a parent. We see parents (and we ourselves may) negotiate, ignore or just accept this type of behavior, but this shouldn’t be the case. As our children’s first teachers, no matter how we may have messed up in the past, we have the responsibility to raise disciplined children and that works best when our children respect our authority. We must earn our children’s respect by establishing our authority in their lives. Doing so will curb this ill behavior until it becomes practically nonexistent.

“To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child”
(Proverbs 29:15).

So the key is teaching our children wisdom through discipline and this works in a number of ways: Read more here and please tell me what you think.

Demand Justice

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Today marks one month and the killer of 17-year-old unarmed Trayvon Martin still has not been arrested. His killer, George Zimmerman, admitted to shooting Martin, but his cry of self-defense seems to have more weight than the death of an innocent boy who seemed like he “was up to no good.” Today folks are gathering across the nation in solidarity to demand justice for the death of a boy whose crime appears to be walking while black in a hoodie. One writer wants to know why hasn’t the public been as outraged over the deaths of other young black people before Martin. To him I say my outrage over Trayvon’s death is more demonstrative because of the utter disbelief that this case has a host of witnesses and an admitted killer who is still roaming free; my demand is that law enforcement agents do what is basic. There’s no need to search for the killer or the weapon. The police know where he lives and what gun he owns. With a case so cut and dry, I cannot understand the wavering except to say the delay seems to be a statement of the devaluation of Martin’s life, of black life, and that needs to change for all. Martin’s case has made people stand to say enough is enough and we won’t take it anymore. All of us, including Christians, have to demand justice and do so in whatever way the Lord leads us. I thank God that His word is chock full of scriptures that require us to fight for those who’ve been done wrong. We have our blueprint. Let us implement the plans. Read my latest EEW article that begins below that gives us ways to fight and to teach our children to fight injustice.



The sweet-faced boy popped up on my computer screen, well at least his picture, the only vision I have of Trayvon Martin, the 17-year-old shot in cold blood by a self-appointed neighborhood watchman in Florida last month. My son was there, sitting by my side, wanting to know who this boy was and why he was on the computer. How do you explain to a 9-year-old that a boy that looks like him, plays like him, is carefree like him, was just walking down the street with some candy and iced tea, got killed just for being him? How do you explain to your boy that a likely fate for him could be the same as that for Trayvon while we live in this crazy mixed up world? How do you tell your black son that to some being a black boy is a threat that many want to get rid of?

I told him straight, no chaser because nothing can chase the lack of respect for other humans, for black boys in particular, out of this situation and he needed to know that. Joshua needed to know that some people think being a black boy is a crime and law enforcement agents seem to do what they can to put away those who commit that crime. While sharing these harsh realities of living while black, I reminded him that he was beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made black boy, and that God committed no crimes with His creation. The great crime in George Zimmerman killing Trayvon Martin is the lack of respect for authority that has been revealed. While we teach our children about injustices and how to seek justice, I believe they need to understand God’s purpose for authority and how the Bible teaches us to engage those in authority, including when they are wrong. When we violate God’s law of authority, as George Zimmerman did, situations go horribly wrong, even criminal, like with Trayvon Martin. Read the rest here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#501-510
A leisure day of rest
Charyse bringing me birthday gifts of a card, nail polishes, earrings and hair grooming
Being able to visit a friend to show our love and support as he grieves the death of his mom
Flynn snuggling with me and saying how he’s still smitten after 14 years
Watching episode three of Wives and Daughters
Making it to see another birthday
A gift of an iPad cover and keyboard from Flynn
Thoughtful birthday cards
A revelation about feeding my spirit when I literally want to feed my flesh (eat)
An overwhelming amount of birthday wishes and gifts (including nail polishes I like but would never have ventured to buy for myself)

Been There, Done That

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“Been there, done that.” I don’t know who originated that saying but it bothers me. I admit that I am guilty of having used the phrase myself, but stopped after people have used it in conversations with me that seem belittling. Most times folks’ use of the colloquialism was not the thought of “I can’t go back into that foolishness” but the declaration of “You’re still there? I’m past that stage.” People who are conquerors, recovering strong black women among them, sometimes forget that as Christians we are MORE than conquerors but only so through Jesus Christ (Romans 8:37). He deserves the credit for every hurdle we jump, every river we roll through, and every storm we survive, for us being alive. “Been there, done that” just seems to place the focus on us and not God who has worked through us. Maybe it’s just me, but you can read more about my thoughts in my latest EEW article where I discuss people’s use of “Been there, done that” in the context of parenting and a suggested biblical response for handling those who use the phrase to belittle you. The column focus is on parenting but has broader applications. Read it and make your comments here on the blog or feel free to comment on the magazine site. I am thankful for a God-given response to “Been there, done that” belittlement so I can maintain my Christian testimony even in this area.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#481-490
Leslie’s book of poems arriving in the mail
Dinner with friends to celebrate my birthday at Benihana
My wonderful husband for planning my birthday celebration (his first time in 14 years)
Flowers from the Criners, bringing a touch of spring in my home
My iPhone arriving
A letter from Daniel (a thank you note and a small picture)
Studying 2 Peter 1 early and getting an outline for the discipleship lesson
Josh and Nate using their manners with and helping each other
Getting my blog done without stress
Visiting a friend at the hospital

Release the Secret, Release the Pain

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There are deep dark secrets no one wants to talk about. We’ve all had them and may have believed sharing was forbidden. Shame says we are to blame. Peace takes a back seat to shame and has us wearing our feelings on soul’s edge, always there ready to direct us, keep us in bondage. After all, strong black women have to keep it together even if we’re in prison. Well, I know prison was never meant for me so I let my secrets out. They ran from me and into the arms of those who needed to embrace my story to help them release theirs. When I let my secrets loose so too went my soul, and others’, free from the enemy’s lies about who I am and what I’ll never be.

Freedom is sweet when you can speak the truth and not allow what happened define you in a negative light. The future is always bright for believers in Christ, for faith stands and provides penetrating light for needed transparency. This is the case, I believe, with my latest EEW column that begins below on protecting our children from sexual abuse. Please read, glean and offer your insights and questions in the magazine comment section. As always, please feel free to comment here on the blog, too.




She didn’t think anyone would believe her. He told her this, said they would believe it was her fault, that she wanted to play their game, that she would shame her name. So she shrunk in silence, only the tears crying out her pain during their touching game. Maybe the abuse occurred a few times, but she was forever changed.

We have heard this before. Some sexual predator targets a child, our child, and we find out about the abuse long after it stops. Our once outgoing child now seems nervous and scared. Perhaps she doesn’t want to visit with a certain relative, is acting out in school, is sexually active or is chronically depressed. We don’t understand the behavior, then the child finally reveals the unmentionable happened to her. Maybe it was her father, stepfather, uncle, cousin, pastor or his neighbor. Little girls and boys are being sexually abused right in our midst. Somehow some of us don’t think it’s supposed to happen to us. We’re good church folks and this doesn’t happen, shouldn’t be happening, to us. So when the abuse occurs some of us perpetuate the cover up. We don’t want it said that it happened to our family. Then some of us are unknowingly complicit; we sit in silence because we just don’t know what to do. Read the rest at EEW Magazine.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#461-470
Showering and dressing the boys without stress
A meeting that provided much-needed revelation
Having a breakthrough moment with a friend who challenged me to interrupt her to talk about me when she is talking incessantly about herself
Folding all and putting away most of the laundry
A shower before Justus awoke and without interruption from Nate
Devotion time early with Nathaniel
Visiting my grandfather and giving him water and reading John 1 to him
Attending Science Night at Joshua’s school and hearing him say, “I wish we could stay here. I’m loving this.”
All the boys competing then taking turns to kiss Flynn
Carla calling to check on me