Tag Archives: Controlling

Lose Control

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One day last week I was fed up, spiritually spent and didn’t have the remedy to get filled. God told me to call my sister, but I reasoned that it was too early. I didn’t want to tell her that I felt like I was in a spiritual wasteland, that my weariness had caused me to be weak, that while I desired to do what I needed to get spiritually strong, I felt too physically and emotionally weak to do it. I didn’t want to say that I was weak, that this spiritually fit strong black woman had become flabby. But God repeated, “Call her,” and I did.

After a few quick updates I had to interrupt her so I wouldn’t lose the courage to tell her I had no idea what I needed to do to escape this place that I don’t remember traveling to. She spoke life to me in so many ways and then said, “I heard the Lord say, ‘Lose Control.’” I knew then why God told me to call her.

I have been talking these past few weeks about the need to give up what we believe is the proper control. My wrestling was that I didn’t want to admit to my sister, my best friend, that this spiritually mature woman was having a weak moment. I didn’t want her to know that I wanted to maintain the appearance of being in control. How could I, a spiritually fit strong black woman, not know what I needed to do to get through this spiritual crisis? I teach on fasting and studying and applying God’s word. I understand the need to confess my sins and repent of them. And even though none of this seemed to be working for me, I still wanted to be controlling, choosing silence instead of speaking to the woman God ordained to give me my breakthrough.

Losing control (read being controlling) doesn’t mean chaos for your life; it means God’s control of your life, surrendering to His will so that you will not only prosper but also have good success (See Joshua 1:8), the kind that God wants you to have.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Abusing Authority

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“So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all” (Mark 10:42-44 NLT).

“I don’t want no silly women,” I remember one of my early spiritual mentors saying during a women’s service. She went on to talk about women sitting around cackling and being clueless about how to serve in God’s kingdom. A hush fell on the room, as if every woman was contemplating if she was a silly woman. My mentor had the power and authority to challenge us: she was our pastor and she spoke biblically (2 Timothy 3:1-7). I understood what she was saying, and I was with her. I even started adding items in my mind: “And yeah, don’t be no weak, wimpy, whiny woman.” We have to be strong in order to take God’s kingdom by force and snatch people from the gates of hell. But while we need to be strong in the power and authority of Christ, and we need to tell that to those we’re leading, we have to be careful how we tell them (in what voice tone) and how we get them to act upon what we tell them (with what persuasive methods).

As we continue to talk about control we must find a balance. The balance is not just between taking your rightful place with the authority and power Christ has given you and taking someone else’s place. We also have to contemplate how we are exercising the authority that we have been given. Any leader, whether spiritual or secular, in the workplace or in the home, has to lead in an encouraging way, even if the words themselves cut like a sword (Hebrews 4:12; Proverbs 27:6). Threatening tactics, like loss of position if your personal needs aren’t met; telling or implying to followers that you are their only authority; or speaking harshly because you think your position allows you to, are simply abuse. Let it not be said that you are abusive and call yourself a strong black woman. Abusing authority is just as bad as taking someone else’s authority and that gives God and women who are strong in the Lord a bad name.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

I Give Up

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When I find that I’m being controlling, sometimes this has to be my battle cry:

I Give Up!
I give up
the fight is yours
upon me Lord, your grace, please pour
to do your will
no questions asked
for it is your job to complete the task.

The life I Iive
it is not mine,
I am leaving that behind.
The fight, the struggle,
all my pride,
and all those other little things we hide.
To live a life that’s free of sin
True life in Christ, I shall begin.
“Go straight ahead with faith in Me
then you will find full life of peace.
They’ll strike you once, they’ll strike you twice,
you’ll realize life just isn’t nice.
Be brave my child, be brave my friend,
they’re gonna mock you ’til the end.
But if your attitude is right,
you’re gonna lead them to the light.”
©2009 Helena Nunn

Taking Authority

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He may have missed the work that I did, but I’m sure he didn’t miss my input at staff meetings. I’m talking about one of my old bosses who consistently wrote on my evaluations something like this: “Rhonda is a good worker, but she has to learn the times to contain her thoughts or phrase them in a more diplomatic way.” He said this because I didn’t hold my tongue when he used all types of euphemisms to discuss problems we were having with other departments or even the president of the college. I would raise my hand and say, “Mr. Man doesn’t want to say, but” and proceed to make the situation plain. I would tell it like it was. I would keep it real. But I was real out of bounds; I had crossed the line. I would usurp my boss’ authority.

Mr. Man had decided to be diplomatic when talking about colleagues and his superior, and I decided that his approach was incorrect. We didn’t need anyone tiptoeing around the problems, I thought. We needed someone strong enough to lay it all out so there would be no confusion. And my attitude was that if my boss wouldn’t do it, I would. Maybe I was right about the need to be more straightforward, but I had no right to take over the meeting when I wasn’t asked to do so. As a subordinate, this is the wrong type of control. I needed to stay in my place (Ouch!) until given permission (Double ouch!!!) to leave. This was not the way I operated, and sometimes it’s still not the way I operate though I know it’s what God commands (Romans 13:1-3; 1 Timothy 2:12). This is yet another reason that I say I am a (recovering) strong black woman.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Wrong Control

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janet-jackson
I’m a child of the 80s. Post-civil rights, post-women’s rights. It was about my rights. I was a child of the me-generation, and it was about me. It’s no wonder one of my mantras was Control by Janet Jackson. And I know I’m not alone. Check out the lyrics (particularly the highlighted parts) and see how she helped form the foundation of being in the wrong type of control:

[Spoken intro:]
This is a story about control
My control
Control of what I say
Control of what I do
And this time I’m gonna do it my way (my way)
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready?
I am
‘Cause it’s all about control (control)
And I’ve got lots of it)
When I was 17 I did what people told me, uhh!
Did what my father said, and let my mother mold me
But that was long ago

I’m in
Control
Never gonna stop
Control
To get what I want
Control
I like to have a lot
Control Now I’m all grown up

First time I fell in love, I didn’t know what hit me
So young and so naive, I thought it would be easy
Now I know I got to take

Control
Now I’ve got a lot, ow!
Control
To get what I want
Control
I’m never gonna stop
Control
Now I’m all grown up

Jam, ooh ooh
Rebel, that’s right
I’m on my own, I’ll call my own shots
Thank you
Got my own mind
I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life, my life
I wanna be the one in control

So let me take you by the hand, and lead you in this dance
Control
It’s what I got, because I took a chance
I don’t wanna rule the world, just wanna run my life
Ooh
So make your life a little easier
When you get the chance just take

Control, ooh ooh
Now I’ve got a lot, ooh
Control
To get what I want, ow!
Control
I’m never gonna stop
Control
Now I’m all grown up, ooh!

Free at last
Out here on my own
Ooh ooh ooh yeah, eee

Now control this, uhh
Control
That’s right
Control
Career moves
Control
I do what’s right for me
Control
And me wants to groove
Is that okay?
Yeah!
Ooh, control

I’ve got my own mind
Ooh baby
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
I’ve got my own mind
Wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life
I wanna be the one in control

Hop to it
I’m in control, and I love it, hahaha, that’s right

Control
Now I’ve got a lot
Control
Now I’m all grown up, ahh!
I’m in control
Uhh
I’m in control
Ahh
I’m in control
Uhh
Don’t make me lose it
Control