“Quench not the Spirit”—1 Thessalonians 5:19
No one can control God, but we surely try with all our human tactics. Just like we don’t talk to others so they continue to see us in a positive way or punish them with our silence, we try the same thing with God. Even though we know that He already knows everything about us, we may choose not to talk to Him about our issues; we think that somehow talking to Him about our stuff will confirm for Him just how wretched we are (as if He didn’t already know).

When we get mad at God (Admit it, you get mad at Him from time to time.), we give Him the silent treatment. We don’t pray because we want to deprive Him of our company. Then there are those times that we don’t think He will approve of what we want so we choose not to talk to Him at all. Or maybe we did pray about what we wanted, but God didn’t respond. We go ahead and do what we want because “God didn’t say no.” We interpret His silence as permission.

These are all our attempts to control the God of the universe. We attempt to impress Him, punish Him and ignore Him all in hopes of getting what we want. Just like with human relationships, silence can be deadly. It kills our fellowship with God. It takes us to a place that’s easy to get to but hard to recover from.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Silence truly can be deadly. It can kill ill behavior. Cutting a look at your children when they’re doing wrong suddenly stops their wrongs because they know Mama has said a mouth full with her eyes.

Silence truly can be deadly. It can kill fellowship. You may have a close friend that you still talk to but your interactions just aren’t what they used to be. There is tension between you, but no one is talking about it. The change came when you or she decided to stop communicating like you used to. Someone said something to make the other one upset. Instead of talking it out you silence it out, changing the once easy interactions of your friendship into uncomfortable ones.

Silence truly can be deadly. Ultimately, it can kill relationships. If you use silence long enough to punish others you can go from lost fellowship to lost relationship, ending friendships that may have been meant for a lifetime.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

She’s all that. She’s got it goin’ on. She is a together sister. These are common descriptions of strong black women. Even those of us who are cool under pressure have weak moments. We are human. And though we know this, we sometimes bask in the superhuman status that has been bestowed upon us. We like the view from the pedestal and fear that a fall from ‘grace’ would be great. The view is better from above, and we want to stay there. This is reason enough to choose silence, keeping to ourselves our weak moments so others continue to believe we are always all that.

We may say, “I just process internally” or “I’m trying to get my thoughts together” as reasons why we don’t reveal our internal struggles. These excuses may be true, but do you eventually tell someone about them or do you just try to work the situation out yourself? James 5:16 tells us to share with others what’s wrong with us and pray for each other so we can be healed. If we keep our stuff inside, veiled under the guise of spiritual processing, we are in sin. Yes, you must be selective about who you share with. You have to be Spirit led, but once you are, don’t choose silence to control others’ thoughts of you. Speak out so that you take yourself off the perch and receive the healing that is meant for you.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Think before you speak. Breathe before you speak. Pause before you speak. Count to 10 before you speak. We are given all these warnings so we don’t regret saying something that will hurt someone’s feelings, damage a relationship or even mess up our reputation. This can be hard for strong black women who believe in telling it like it is and setting the record straight. But what about when we go to the other extreme, choosing silence not to practice self control but to control?

Sometimes we choose silence as a method of control. Here are some ways:
1) We don’t tell others about our weak moments because we want to control how they view us;
2) We want others to suffer so we give them the silent treatment; and
3) We take God’s silence as permission to do what we want.

Have you ever chosen silence to control how others view you, to punish them or to do what you want? Look forward to hearing more on these. In the meantime I’d love to hear your control stories.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith