Tag Archives: Control

Consecrate Yourself

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Yesterday I had the privilege of being guest speaker for the Women’s Consecration Service at Ebenezer AME Church in Detroit. This was a kick-off event to get the women focused for Ebenezer’s women’s month in May. The Lord led me to discuss their theme—“Pursuing His Presence”—in light of the need to be consecrated; you can only remain in the Lord’s presence if you live a consecrated life–a life set apart from worldly pursuits for the service of God.

As God spoke to me what to say to the women, He was speaking to me about areas of my life that could quite possibly disqualify me from claiming to live a consecrated life. In the forefront of my mind were trying to figure out how to attend professional school, having a movie marathon, and avoiding, instead of trying to love, that pretentious sister in the Lord who just keeps irking me. There is nothing wrong with going to school or having a movie marathon, but when God hasn’t given me the okay to do these things I love, I am following worldly (or fleshly) pursuits and have not set myself apart for God’s service.

What about you? Are you having a hard time giving up some things you like but you know are keeping you from being consecrated? If you have found a way to always seek to set yourself apart for God’s service, tell us how you do it. This recovering strong black woman looks forward to hearing from you.

Silence for Survival

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Silent Voices by Josephine Carson

Silent Voices by Josephine Carson

Silence for survival is a strategy for sickness. Shout to the Right(eous) One; he’ll send you to the right ones to speak.—Luke 12:11-12

Who do you shout to when you want to get something off your chest, when you want something to change? Who has tried to keep you silent for your or their so-called survival? Talk to me. Let me know.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Reproductive Rights

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The age old argument for abortion goes: “I’m not in favor of abortion for me, but I believe women should have a choice to decide what they want to do with their own bodies.” I used to think that, too. In my teens and early 20s, I was vocal about it and placed money on it, giving $200 to help fund a friend’s late term abortion. An age old argument for birth control methods goes: “I don’t want to get pregnant so I’m going to take birth control pills. I am being responsible.” That I used to think, too, and placed my money on it, offering a nominal fee to Planned Parenthood for my birth control pills. Even after Jesus became my Savior at 26, I still took birth control pills and did so for the first few years of my marriage. Well, I changed my mind on both when I began to see what use God had for my body:

    “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth”—Genesis 1:28 (KJV).
    “But did He not make them one, (h)aving a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.”—Malachi 2:15 (NKJV).
    “Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself. . .”—1 Corinthians 6:19 (NLT).

God wants me to have children so the earth will be filled with people who live for and worship Him. I can’t decide what I want to do with my body because it doesn’t belong to me, but to God. He is the owner and has the right to tell me what to do with it. So while I understand the classic arguments why people should be able to choose abortion or to control whether or not they have children through other birth control means, I believe that the imminent death of the mother (like in the case of a tubal pregnancy) is the only time an abortion should be performed. And I personally believe that thinking that I can’t handle having another child because of economic or emotional reasons is definitely not a reason to abort and may not be cause to use birth control, especially those designed to kill the fetus after conception (like the Morning After Pill). So the only reproductive right I believe the Christian woman has is to remain in concert with her maker’s intent for her body. This is what I think. You know I want to know what you think. Please give your comments and let’s hash this out together.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Marital Oneness

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“I don’t need no man,” many a strong black woman has said. And she is right. In fact, if you look at why God made woman, you could infer that the man needs a woman (Gen. 2:18-23). But I don’t think this is what God wants us to get from that passage. It’s about two whole people coming together to enhance each other’s wholeness and being on one accord. This is what I think typifies oneness; two people can come together knowing their strengths and weaknesses and contribute and accept enhancement from the other (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). The two agree, based on God’s word, how they will develop this oneness.

Oneness wasn’t even in my mind when I was demanding a new family structure from what my husband-to-be was accustomed to (see previous entry). I told him that we were not going to his people’s house. I didn’t tell him what I thought and ask him what he thought so together we could decide what a new family custom might be. I was also drawing the line between what’s his and what’s mine, by referring to his birth family as his people instead of seeing them as our people. Being one means his family becomes my family. He leaves them and becomes one with me, not being under his parents’ rules anymore but operating based upon the guidelines of our new family (Genesis 2:24). Our oneness now requires synergy based upon a scriptural model. And part of the scriptural model for marriage is the different roles assigned to husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:21-33). I’ll talk about that more next time, but for now, in what ways may you have disrupted oneness in marriage? What about others you know? You know I want your feedback. I look forward to receiving it.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Marital Equality

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I had it all figured out. I told my husband to be: “When we get married, we ain’t going over to your people’s house every week for dinner. And I’m still going to present at academic conferences. I’ll just have our baby strapped to me, but I’m going.” There was no way that I was going to be obligated to his family’s idea of together time, and there was no way that I was going to stop my career aspirations. I knew the scriptures told a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and I knew that God had gifted me to work just like He had gifted my man (Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 12:4-11). I wanted to assert myself, make sure that he knew how things were laying before he gave me the ring, before I said I do. I wanted him to know that he couldn’t make all the decisions because we were equal. But none of my thoughts considered what God had to say about marriage, namely that the two shall be one and that husbands and wives have different roles. I’ll discuss both more fully in future entries.

I didn’t consider what God had to say because I thought what I had to say was more important (Proverbs 3:7). My wisdom told me that we could still operate married like we were single and that we were equal in how we should function. And though I talked about the 50/50 split in marriage, I always wrestled with that one because my common sense let me know that would be impossible (though it would be ideal, I thought); the only way you could split everything 50/50 in marriage is if you marry your clone.

Marital equality calls for each spouse to seek to operate fully in their functions, not to perform the same functions. And sometimes these functions require what you’d rather not do, like submit to attending a family dinner or postpone an academic career to properly care for children. Initially both seemed hard, but God’s wisdom has proven that my notions were the way of death (Proverbs 14:12).

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith