Tag Archives: Control

Watch Your Body

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Sometimes I get overwhelmed when I think of my job as a keeper at home. This job is big enough for two or three women in one household. Of course I’m not advocating polygamy (though a hired housekeeper would be nice), but when I think about why this job is necessary, I recollect myself, call on God and know that He gives me nothing more than I can handle. I remember that being a keeper at home, or a homemaker, is a wonderful role and is required of all women, not just married ones who don’t work outside the home. Titus 2:5 says this job is for women to serve as the home’s gatekeeper to let in the good and keep out the bad so the family can meet its spiritual goals. If women do just this job, we would see a world of difference:

• Guard your ears. Women must guard what the family hears: “Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly” (2 Tim. 2:16). This hearing includes any talk, whether one-on-one, from the television, radio, Internet and even from the pulpit. When family members hear not just godless talk, but talk that is vain (words that have no value to the hearer), they will desire to hear more ungodly and vain talk, which will impact what they say and what they want to see.
• Watch your mouths. Women must guard what the family says: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29). What you speak is often learned from what is heard and gets into your heart. Once the talk is in the heart, it eventually comes out. Mark 7:21-23 says, “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
• Guard your eyes. Women must guard what the family sees. Matthew 6:22-23 tells us that when we look at healthy things, our entire bodies will be healthy. This makes me think about reading the Bible, Christian literature and other inspirational materials. These things positively impact my mind, empower my limbs and infuse my talk do duplicate good.

Without a doubt, what you hear, say and see impact the person you become and dictate your actions. Guarding these key areas will help shape your family and (one family at a time) the world to be who God has called us to be. I would love to hear from you some ways that you have guarded your family’s ears, mouths and eyes. I know your sharing that and even how you wish you had been more vigilant will be beneficial for all of us. I look forward to hearing from you.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Be Level-Headed

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Mental instability is sobering. It affects the young and the old, the rich and the poor, and males and females all over the world. Without a doubt the increase in the reported numbers of heinous crimes, hospitalizations and people I have encountered surely has more to do with oppressed social and economic times than with genetics. I say this because many of us have had a “crazy” in the family, whether certified or not. We know that this person couldn’t be counted on to hold an entire sensible conversation because he has “always been that way.” But now it seems people have more than just the crazy uncle or friend, at least that’s what I see.

Maybe people are more vocal about their instabilities, whereas in years past speaking about them was taboo. Or maybe I notice more people because there are few asylums where they can go and others who want or need short-term care don’t get it because they can’t afford it. Whatever the reason for the instability, God has called us to be level-headed; discreet and sober are the words given to women in Titus 2. This is a great call and equally difficult.

At first glance, the definitions for discreet and sober seem to be the same, with both suggesting having self control. But a deeper look shows the distinction: Discreet has more to do with discipline in terms of completing a task that you have committed to and sober would “involve the cultivation of sound judgment and prudence.” So God is calling us to do what we have committed ourselves to and to develop our minds so that we make good decisions, free from emotions. There is a definite connection between these words beyond their definition: If your mind isn’t developed to make good decisions, then you’re unlikely to complete tasks that you have committed to. A sound mind leads to consistent completed tasks.

Though being sober and discreet is difficult, this is what we are called to be so we don’t permanently end up in an institution or making and breaking commitments. God never commands something from us without equipping us (Philippians 2:13). So rest assured that stability in body and mind is something that you can achieve if you believe and trust God.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Reasons for Sexual Purity

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Through the lips of a nervous smile, she could barely speak: “Would you pray for me about something I did that I regret. I had an abortion a few years ago and I regret it.” Her emotions gripped her now because of what she didn’t know then: Doing what you want with your body may make you feel in control, but because of sexual impurity there are so many consequences that may haunt you for years to come. To wear the badge of strong black woman, so many of us have believed the lie that we are in control of our own bodies, but those bodies then begin to betray that notion in several ways:

? Death may come.

    1) This could be a physical death—for you by way of a disease like AIDS, or your baby by way of an abortion for not wanting a child with someone you just slept with (1 Corinthians 10:8);
    2) an emotional death—by way of feeling unfulfilled after the sexual act and shame because your sexual partner now disrespects you or you disrespect yourself (2 Samuel 13:1-20); or
    3) a spiritual death—by way of a disconnection from God and other believers because of your disobedience (Romans 1:24-32, 1 Corinthians 5).

? You will have an unnatural attachment. Because sex is God’s way of connecting you spiritually to your spouse, having sex outside of marriage still connects you with the person you sleep with (1 Corinthians 6:15-20). You, therefore, may long to be with or even have stalker-like tendencies toward your “unlawful husband.”

? You may damage your reputation. Some of you may be discreet with your stuff, but it will catch up with you eventually (1 Corinthians 4:5). As a woman, you may not be deemed marriage material (“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”); as a Christian, you lose your testimony as a credible witness for God’s kingdom because you act like everybody else; and as a mother, “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t work. Your children are likely to mimic your illicit behavior (John 4:16-18, 1 Corinthians 9:27).

? You will likely have “baby mama drama.” This may be because you’re trying to get him to take responsibility of the kids you two had or his new girlfriend despises you or you despise her (Genesis 16:1-5).

I’m not insensitive to believe that these results only come to those who initiate sexual impurity. Like me, some of you may have been raped and had to deal with these deaths because of someone else’s impurity. Hear what I’m saying though: whether likely participant or victim, God has given us a choice: “I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19). If you can participate in illicit sex, don’t. Save yourself from unnecessary death and drama. Choose life. If you are a victim, choose life through Jesus and the resources that he provides for healing.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Understanding Sobriety

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The world tells us to drink responsibly: Don’t drink and drive and don’t let anyone younger than 21 purchase or consume alcohol. But for the Christian, handling alcohol properly goes beyond drinking and driving and being a certain age. We have to consider the spiritual implications for ourselves and others:

1) Being sober enables us to do what God wants. “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). When you’re drunk with wine or any intoxicating drink, you’re under its power. Christians should always be under the power of the Holy Spirit so we can a) clearly hear from God; b) understand proper actions; and 3) have the strength to do what we have heard and know to be right. If you don’t do what’s right, you bring judgment upon yourself (1 Corinthians 3:16-17). And what good is being a Christian if you aren’t able to follow God’s commandments?

2) Not drinking helps others to do what God commands. “It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble” (Romans 14:21). Though we have freedom as Christians to consume fermented drinks, we are told that everything we do is not helpful (1 Corinthians 6:12). So if drinking in front of others causes them to disrespect you, misunderstand Christianity or drink more than they should, you should not drink. And if you do drink, you’ll have to be so much on the down low that they won’t find out because whether you drink in their presence is really not the issue. It’s just knowing that you drink that may cause them to make improper judgments. For me, being a down low drinker is not worth the hassle. I’ve just given up drinking altogether.

So can a Christian drink alcohol? Yes. Should a Christian drink alcohol? No, if 1) you will get drunk; 2) you want or need alcohol to control you; or 3) doing so causes others to make improper judgments about you, Christianity and how they can relate to alcohol. Truly, we are our brothers’ and sisters’ keeper, not just for physical safety but also for spiritual guidance, understanding and protection. This is a big job, but we are called and equipped to do it.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Sober Vision

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To drink or not to drink, that is the question so many Christians have. As a recovering strong black woman who likes to make her own decisions, I wrestled with this question for awhile. People I know would invite me to mix and mingles and without exception these events would have beer, wine and alcohol. Or maybe I would attend a wedding reception, and they would have an open bar and a champagne toast. Should I participate? And if I could, what could I drink and how much could I drink? Outside of mix and mingles and wedding receptions, where should I drink, around whom could I drink, what would people think about me if I drank, and should I care what people thought about me if I drank? Maybe you, too, want to know as a Christian whether or not you should drink and what may be the stipulations of doing so. I believe after reading this series of posts on being sober, you will have an educated biblical response regarding whether or not Christians should drink beer, wine or alcohol.

Scripture gives us the positive and negative side of drinking:
Positive sense—Paul tells Timothy to use wine medicinally (1 Tim. 5:23). We also see that people drank wine at a wedding. So they drank at a time of merriment, to celebrate (John 2:1-10).
Negative sense—Wine has the power to make you talk rough and alcohol makes you walk tough, causing you to argue and fight people. They both cause you to be under their power (Proverbs 20:1). Titus 2:3 puts it this way: The biblical woman “is not given to much wine” which means that she doesn’t allow the drink to control her.

So God’s vision of a biblical woman is for fermented drinks not to control her with their intoxicating effect. Even if you don’t get sloppy drunk, where you’re stumbling and cussing out and fighting people, fermented drinks control you if 1) you have to drink to have a good time; 2) you have to have a drink to become calm; or 3) you can’t stop drinking until you get drunk. All of these instances make you a slave to the bottle, and you are out of control.

Am I saying you can’t get your drink on? Maybe. It depends on you assessing yourself according to who God wants you to be as I laid out here and as I will further do next time. Until then, I welcome your stories of struggle and success with beer, wine and alcohol.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith