The Man Behind the Woman?

Posted on December 19, 2008 by Rhonda J. Smith

Recently I was watching a political debate, and I was reminded of 1 Timothy 3:2-7 that gives the qualifications of a church leader. One requirement is that this person lead his own house well and questions whether he can lead the church if he doesn’t. Though the incumbent of the debates was a political and not a church leader, some have wondered about these verses when it comes to the man. I don’t know who rules his house, but I found his response to a question to be quite curious.

The moderator asked the politician if he thought it was appropriate to have a family member who is not on his staff to be on conference calls giving directives to paid staffers. First he got defensive and said he didn’t know what the question was in reference to. He went on to say that it is inappropriate to have nonpaid family members giving directives to staffers. But the final comments centered on his defending that he is in charge of his political office, not his wife, “who is a volunteer” like others. Then finally he said, “she’s a strong black woman” and he wasn’t going to apologize for that.

I was confused. What does his wife being a strong black woman have to do with whether or not he runs his office? What allowances was he making for his wife by saying she’s a strong black woman? Then I wondered, ‘Do her attitude and appearance overshadow his leadership? Does she speak when she should be silent? Does she push when she should stand still? Does she direct when no one has appointed her director? Is playing the strong black woman card easier than the leading my house well card?’ I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I tell you this: I never want to be called a strong black woman because I don’t know how to restrain myself when restraint is necessary. The meek shall inherit the earth (Matt. 5:5). If I’m meek, having my power under control, I will gain a lot more than if I push for my influence. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking for a great inheritance, the one promised through meekness.

Death of a Superwoman

Posted on December 17, 2008 by Rhonda J. Smith

granny

This season has been one filled with death for my blood and church families: loss jobs, broken marriages, foreclosed homes, dissolved friendships, and transitioned loved ones. What’s impacted me most is the loss of my Granny, Brunice C. Lewis, my husband’s grandmother. She, like many family matriarchs, was strong, a rock in our family. Granny worked for years as a domestic cook for a wealthy family, but didn’t give all her love and skills to them. She planned and cooked all our holiday meals, bought us gifts apart from holidays, loaned us money, scolded bad deeds, loved us whole. With Granny’s death, we loss the security of a loving woman who took away the need to be strong. She was our strength, the rock on which we leaned. And her death has been causing me to reflect on some lessons that I thought I learned as a recovering strong black woman.

The first lesson is that our trust and hope can’t be in our grannies and big mommas. As much as we love them, as much as they do for us, as much as life knocked them down and they kept getting back up, they cannot be our gods. In our hoping in and running to them for needs we unknowingly deified them. We remember the stories and have seen their lives of how they got over and we know they can help us get over. But many big mommas will tell you up front, “If it wasn’t for God, I wouldn’t have made it.” Hearing their war stories gives us strength, and we often go back to hear the stories as if the stories themselves are the source of our power. But God says, “When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up—the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, your Savior, the Holy One of Israel” (Isaiah 43:2-3a TLB). God is the source of our power and He is the only one who can save. As I recover from the many deaths in my families, particularly my Granny’s death, and from being a self-empowered strong black woman, I remember that Granny did nothing and I can do nothing without the Rock, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman aka Superwoman

Posted on December 15, 2008 by Rhonda J. Smith

For six years it’s been, me toying with the notion of the strong black woman. Who is she? Who am I? How is she doing? What should she be doing? Should she even be? Should I even be this iconic superwoman? Well I believe the answers to these questions will inevitably surface as I muse on this topic and receive your responses to this woman that we all know. She is our friend. She is our mother. She is our grandmother. She is our pastor. She is we. But is she something that enlightened 21^st Century women should claim, particularly those whose faith is based on the ways, will and word of Jesus Christ? My husband calls me strong. All my friends seek my strength. Those I minister to embrace my virtue. My skin color reveals that I am what we call black. And my biological and physiological makeup undoubtedly make me a female human. So ain’t I a strong black woman? Stay tuned.