If you have filled the job of a Strong Black Woman (see previous entry) then you’re likely on The List:
• Self-reliant
• Controlling
• Reliable
• Career-focused
• Feminist
• Sharp-tongued
• Mothering
• Afrocentric
Are you on the list? Is it stereotypical? True? A little of both? Let’s discuss The List.
Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith
(Picture copyright by Jepchumba. ©All Rights Reserved)
Have you filled this position? I want to hear about your job.
Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith
This is a great forum. I appreciate the feedback I have been receiving through comments here, my email and face-to-face conversations. As I seek to pick your brains regarding your thoughts on who the strong black woman is I want to make sure that you clearly understand what my ponderings are based on. To that end, please take note of my definitions (below) and check out the newly added “About Blog” page.
One of my friends said she has two definitions of a strong black woman, a BC (Before Christ) one and an AC (After Christ) one. So far in this blog I have been discussing what I have termed “misguided notions” about who a strong black woman is. To use my friend’s classification, this would be a before Christ view. I have also expressed my desire to walk in the strength of God and to be called by a new name, one other than strong black woman, so there is little confusion about who I now am. There is no shame in being strong, black or woman. As a Christian there should be shame in walking in your own power and prioritizing race and gender over your faith heritage. This is a BC attitude. This is who I once was.
But because my memory is so strong, the BC keeps coming back and interfering with my AC walk. This blog talks about the BC strong black woman and aims to more fully focus on the AC strong black woman who I want to simply call God’s Woman.
Definitions
My perspective will reflect the following definitions:
(BC) A strong black woman is one who has a keen racial and gender identity and her thoughts, speech and acts primarily reflect an emphasis on these attributes.
(AC) God’s Woman is one who has a Christ-centered identity and prioritizes her thoughts, speech and acts from this perspective.
Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith
Oooooo. The title just sounds like I’m trying to start something. Really, though, I’m not trying to pick a fight, but I do want to incite some wrestling, just a little tussle, in your soul, to identify some strong black woman issues (particularly yours if you’re an SBW). Now if you’re not a strong black woman, you’re welcome to identify, but be ready for a fight. Doing so is like white people using the N-word or somebody else talking about your crazy mama. You just don’t do it aloud and not expect some resistence. But I want to know what anyone thinks. Hearing from “outsiders” often gives a much needed perspective to move from where you are to where God would have you to be.
As I continue to consider the definition of a strong black woman, one of the main characteristics I see is oppression. Discrimination comes because of race and gender. And don’t be talented, too. Whew!!! It can be rough. I don’t know how many times I received that “You’re normal like me,” “How did YOU do that?” or “We didn’t think you could handle this assignment” look or comment, been altogether ignored or just flat out called a name. Other oppression is real and a real pain.
Besides other oppression, there is self oppression, and this is what we don’t like to talk about. This is how we oppress ourselves as we attempt to combat other oppression and even fulfill expectations that people have of us. It’s even when do harm to our sister to try to maintain where we think we should be (Ouch!). I realize that I’m in recovery because of the scars of other and self oppression. Yes, there have been some “white man” problems, but what about those problems I caused. How have I contributed to my need for recovery?
You know I want to hear your story. What are your other and self oppression issues? We can’t ignore what’s happened (and continues to happen) from without, but let’s wrestle with our own mess.
Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith
The heartbeat of what I have read over the years, recent links and even some of your (and definitely my) comments are the reasons I am a “Parenthetical Recovering Strong Black Woman.” What is the heartbeat of most strong black women writings that I have seen? There is this doublespeak that takes place: On one hand we revere this woman who believes she has to take on everything and take others to task who don’t respect her; and on the other hand we say we don’t want to be her but are proud that we are her. There is a sense of schizophrenia happening, and this dual reality has me in a tailspin.
I am a Parenthetical Recovering Strong Black Woman because I recognize the need to pause about why I accept being called a strong black woman. I recognize my strong black woman wounds and the need to heal from those wounds. And I understand the need to be a woman, always recovering but never quite looking the same as the strong black woman without the parenthesis. I am a woman still in process, learning to properly redefine myself as a strong black woman, and in doing so I realize that I not only need to behave differently but I need new terminology to reflect the change. I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a strong black woman because of all the dizzying doublespeak and labels (deserved and undeserved) that come with that name. I declare a new name, though I don’t know what it is. But one thing I do know: In Christ I am new. Old things have passed away. All things are new (2 Corinthians 5:17). I just need to catch up with Christ’s declaration of who I am. With his leading, I know I’ll get there.
Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith