Marital Oneness

Posted on March 25, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

“I don’t need no man,” many a strong black woman has said. And she is right. In fact, if you look at why God made woman, you could infer that the man needs a woman (Gen. 2:18-23). But I don’t think this is what God wants us to get from that passage. It’s about two whole people coming together to enhance each other’s wholeness and being on one accord. This is what I think typifies oneness; two people can come together knowing their strengths and weaknesses and contribute and accept enhancement from the other (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). The two agree, based on God’s word, how they will develop this oneness.

Oneness wasn’t even in my mind when I was demanding a new family structure from what my husband-to-be was accustomed to (see previous entry). I told him that we were not going to his people’s house. I didn’t tell him what I thought and ask him what he thought so together we could decide what a new family custom might be. I was also drawing the line between what’s his and what’s mine, by referring to his birth family as his people instead of seeing them as our people. Being one means his family becomes my family. He leaves them and becomes one with me, not being under his parents’ rules anymore but operating based upon the guidelines of our new family (Genesis 2:24). Our oneness now requires synergy based upon a scriptural model. And part of the scriptural model for marriage is the different roles assigned to husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:21-33). I’ll talk about that more next time, but for now, in what ways may you have disrupted oneness in marriage? What about others you know? You know I want your feedback. I look forward to receiving it.

Marital Equality

Posted on March 23, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

I had it all figured out. I told my husband to be: “When we get married, we ain’t going over to your people’s house every week for dinner. And I’m still going to present at academic conferences. I’ll just have our baby strapped to me, but I’m going.” There was no way that I was going to be obligated to his family’s idea of together time, and there was no way that I was going to stop my career aspirations. I knew the scriptures told a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and I knew that God had gifted me to work just like He had gifted my man (Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 12:4-11). I wanted to assert myself, make sure that he knew how things were laying before he gave me the ring, before I said I do. I wanted him to know that he couldn’t make all the decisions because we were equal. But none of my thoughts considered what God had to say about marriage, namely that the two shall be one and that husbands and wives have different roles. I’ll discuss both more fully in future entries.

I didn’t consider what God had to say because I thought what I had to say was more important (Proverbs 3:7). My wisdom told me that we could still operate married like we were single and that we were equal in how we should function. And though I talked about the 50/50 split in marriage, I always wrestled with that one because my common sense let me know that would be impossible (though it would be ideal, I thought); the only way you could split everything 50/50 in marriage is if you marry your clone.

Marital equality calls for each spouse to seek to operate fully in their functions, not to perform the same functions. And sometimes these functions require what you’d rather not do, like submit to attending a family dinner or postpone an academic career to properly care for children. Initially both seemed hard, but God’s wisdom has proven that my notions were the way of death (Proverbs 14:12).

Feminist Notions

Posted on March 20, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

I told you I have never considered myself a feminist, but consider the notions I had as a strong black woman (and maybe you did or still do have) that could be considered feminist:

As I examine my former thoughts, I realize that I gave priority to my womanhood; I considered my existence by giving preference to my female desires with little or no regard to the negative effects on men or children. These feminist notions truly are from the human spirit and not the Holy Spirit, but they made me feel good about myself and humanity. I believed that humanity could evolve from the bondages of patriarchal boundaries by removing the boundaries to freely choose unrestrained egalitarianism or even matriarchy.

Yes, we are free to choose, but we are not free to choose any natural consequences of our decisions. When we as Christians decide what’s best for us apart from God, we have eliminated Him as God in our life and have taken the throne (Judges 17:6, 21:25). Jesus Christ is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), and if we believe that, our decisions have to reflect that.

God's Priorities

Posted on March 18, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

As I have discussed in previous entries, with any worldview there are extremists. There is the extreme feminist, even among Christians. The radical feminist theologian challenges the authority of the Bible by judging it from her point of view. She also considers the Bible just as inspired as other texts and uses them equally to inform her views.

The extreme Afrocentrist is a black supremacist. She believes that people of African descent are superior to those of other races in all ways, including intellect and culture. It is dangerous to align yourself with either theory because of the extremes. I took a leap and called myself, for the most part, an Afrocentrist, because of Dr. Asante’s emphasis to bring Afrocentrism to the table along with other views; this has been his original intent.

Some may say I should be brave and call myself a feminist. After all, “You do believe in women’s rights.” And even though it seems a newspaper first called women advocating women’s rights feminists (http://tinyurl.com/dc88a7) , and not the women themselves, I am still hesitant because I don’t agree with some major issues being advocated, such as all the tentacles placed under reproductive rights (like abortion rights and contraception as birth control). Must I use a term determined for me just because it seems accurate or do I determine the label based on my prescribed priorities?

I keep asking myself, “Why, Christian, do you look to the world to name and define you when God has already given you parameters in His holy word?” While I cannot deny the racial and gender experiences that I have had in this world, I must use as a starting point the book that has declared me a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). God has prescribed priorities for me, and these are where I need to get my labels. So as I continue to develop a new theory for the Christian who is female and black, I will base what my focus should be and how I should be treated based upon what God says about Christian women and blacks. The next few entries should be really interesting. In the meantime, check out some of the Scriptures that have helped to inform my view: Psalm 9:9, 10:18, 103:6; Isaiah 58:6; Acts 2:17-18, 10:38; Ezekiel 22:29-31; Titus 2:3-5; Jeremiah 9:17-21; Leviticus 19:15; Ephesians 4:11; Galatians 3:28).

Sheroe List

Posted on March 15, 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

For his book “100 Greatest African Americans,” Dr. Molefi Asante used five factors for his selection criteria:

As Christian women who are black, how can we develop criteria for a Christian womanhood that includes the racial part of us without compromising biblical mandates? I would love your feedback to help me solidify a new theory, one that I have been developing for years.

Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman

Tag Archives: Christianity

Marital Oneness

Marital Equality

Feminist Notions

God's Priorities

Sheroe List