Tag Archives: Christianity

No Excuse for Abuse

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Some women just don’t know how to nurture their children. Yesterday I was sitting in my child’s second grade glass with other parents and children, including non-school age ones, when one baby, about 2 or 3, whined just a bit too much for his mom so she popped him. I don’t know where she hit him but I heard the sound and then him crying as he blinked huge tears from his eyes that begged her to hug him, love him, what seemed like what his whining was about in the first place. She ignored his little brown face that beckoned to be kissed and for tears to be wiped away. Instead, she dismissed him to go with his older sister so she could nurture him instead.

As we observe domestic violence awareness month, with a particular emphasis on women, I don’t want us to forget the children. Granted, it’s hard to separate the focus on children when you are speaking about women who suffer abuse. Many times children experience abuse at the hands of their mother’s abusers. If they don’t suffer physical abuse, watching their mother suffer results in their arrested psychological, emotional, and social development among other stagnations. But my focus for this post is not physical violence against children at the hands of their fathers or mothers’ boyfriends but is on spiritual abuse against children at the hands of their own mothers.

With the broad definition of abuse being the improper treatment of somebody, especially on a consistent basis, I find that Christian mothers spiritually abuse their children when they don’t teach them spiritual principles to help them develop into healthy Christ-like human beings. Their children are bound to mirror the world’s ways that say the best success is financial and material gain. This spiritual abuse happens because some women simply don’t know what to do. Well, my women’s pastor, Renee M. Carr of Detroit’s Evangel Ministries, gives the first step that’s necessary to spiritually nurturing children: having what she calls “maternal vision.”

Maternal vision is to perceive by any of your senses what must be done with your child; to have regard for and to cherish them. In other words, you must be able to see what your child can become and, therefore, understand what needs to be done to help him or her to get there. Or in the negative sense, prevent him or her from getting there. God has wonderful plans in store for your children and Satan has diabolical ones. It’s our job as mothers to have maternal vision so we bring God’s plan to fruition and frustrate Satan’s devices so we nurture spiritually healthy children. We must see what type of parent, employer or employee, and friend they can become. We must see what type of moral agent they can become. In essence, we must see how God would have them impact the world. Begin to pray that God will open your eyes and other senses so you see His and Satan’s plans for your child so you can begin to develop a plan to spiritually nurture your child with precision.

In the next few posts, I plan to discuss more of Pastor Carr’s maternal vision, including how to get it and once you get it, what needs to be done to put it in motion. Stay tuned.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Benefits of Nurturing Children

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I know the Bible says not to be weary in well-doing, but I was just about in sin today because I am worn out from nurturing children, which is a good thing. Doing so from 1-4 a.m. is not a good thing, at least not for my flesh. My one year old awoke with a scream. I held him and brought him to my bed, thinking he was afraid from a scary dream and just needed to be with his parents. But he babbled for an hour and then said, “apple,” his catchall phrase for “I’m hungry.” After feeding him two bananas and water, his squirming in my bed and my putting him back in his bed, he finally fell asleep in my bed in the 4 o’clock hour. At some point in all of this my seven year old came into the room to say that he couldn’t breathe. My husband gave him some medicine, and we all fell asleep, hard, missing the 5:45 alarm and me rising at 6:18 in a panic to get my husband and son up and ready to go to work and school.

After ironing clothes and preparing breakfast and lunch, they were on track and would still be on time. But right before eating breakfast, my seven-year-old tells us for the first time about a boy bullying him at school, so we have to pray, counsel, encourage and coach him to fortify him to go to school. His countenance was lifted and he went to school with confidence. But mama is worn out from nurturing, and I am, frankly, a bit numb. But I know this is the time that I must remember why God called me to nurture my children and the benefits of doing so.

When you nurture your children—teaching and correcting them with biblical principles, showing them affection and genuine concern for their welfare and providing for their needs—the Bible promises the following:

    *A father will be proud of his child (Proverbs 15:20).
    *Children won’t despise their mother (Proverbs 15:20).
    *Children won’t be a grief to their father or bitterness to their mother (Proverbs 17:25).
    *Children will have a firm foundation (Proverbs 22:6).
    *Foolishness will be driven out of children’s hearts (Proverbs 22:15).
    *Children will be saved from destruction (23:14-15).
    *Parents will rejoice (Proverbs 23:24-25).
    *Children will be wise (Proverbs 29:15).
    *A mother will not be disgraced (Proverbs 29:15).
    *Parents will be at peace and delighted (Proverbs 29:17).

I can’t promise that you will never grow weary in nurturing, but I know that God’s word is true, and you will reap the harvest above if you don’t grow weary. So keep your call to nurture and the benefits of doing so in the front of your mind and surely you will have the incentive you need to press on to do this great work in your children’s lives.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

The Challenge to Nurture Your Children

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My heart ached, feeling like it was breaking in two, when I heard she didn’t want him, her two-year-old son and second child. The first she put up for adoption. Now after trying her hand at raising him, exposing him to a sexually abusive and otherwise violent man, she says she “doesn’t want him.” She tried to be a mother but hadn’t healed from what hindered her nurturing instincts when she birthed the first child. She gave up on her calling, too weak to focus on mothering, let alone accomplish it. She’s a victim herself and now will likely place her son in the care of the State, diminishing his chances of going from victim to victor.

My heart aches for this woman and child and so many others that I have heard too often in the news: a mother sells her 7-year-old daughter for crack; a mother turns a blind eye at her husband molesting her children; a mother abandons her one and four-year-old children in a home for days, leaving them to fend for themselves; and a mother locks her child in the closet, only feeding her every few days, stunting her physical and emotional growth. There are many others; I’m sure you’ve heard them, and like me find it hard to imagine doing these things. I cry as I type this because of the incessant abuse that I can’t fathom but understand can happen when women don’t understand they are called to nurture their children.

“Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth. . .”—Genesis 1:28 (KJV).

Too many women stop at being fruitful (getting pregnant), multiplying (having a lot of children) and replenishing the earth (so those children occupy various parts of the land) and don’t consider for what purpose. First, God called humans to have children so they can control the animal species, and, second, to produce a godly offspring, children dedicated to serve Him (Malachi 2:15). And the only way children will be dedicated to serving God is if they are taught to do so; they must grow to this point, and this is the job of a nurturing mother.

Most mothers I know are dedicated to nurturing their children in some way. Whether it’s imparting good hygiene skills and manners or helping to cultivate academic or sports prowess, they are constantly teaching their children in these areas that seem to be of the utmost importance for their children to succeed in this physical world. But the calling on a child’s life, including any mention of excellence for a believer in Jesus Christ, is always to benefit God’s kingdom, a place that we help control in the spiritual world while on this earth.

So with learning good hygiene skills and manners and academic and sports prowess, teaching your children that God should get the glory in each is the key to nurturing. We must focus here because we will get off track, on one extreme grossly abusing them like the mothers above or on the other extreme building up their humanity apart from God; either way we fail to impart to them the ultimate purpose of their existence: to give God glory. Let’s nurture our children based on God’s call to mankind to fill the earth with people who will live for and worship Him.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

10 Ways to Nurture Your Husband

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Invest in Yourself

1. Make a commitment to be a biblical wife. This commitment should be made first and foremost because God calls you to be one. To strengthen this commitment, read God’s word on the matter, study biblically-sound Christian materials, and refer to my blog, including the two previous posts in this series. Wanting to please God and understanding the impact behind obeying Him make the commitment easier to keep.
2. Examine your fruit. See what areas of the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) that you need to work on and do it. You can have a heart’s desire to do and understand God’s will, but if your fruit is rank, you will only be able to offer spoiled goods that have no nutritious value for your husband.
3. Take time for yourself. You cannot, I repeat—CANNOT— keep nurturing others and not pour into yourself. Even Jesus took time away from the crowd to be alone with God the Father. You must stop your work and pause the nurturing to get nurtured yourself. Do what you enjoy that will refresh your soul and spirit and enable you to joyfully give to others.

Invest in His Body

4. Show him affection. Initiate kissing him every time you enter each other’s presence. Make love to him even when you don’t feel like it; ask God for strength to help you nurture your husband sexually. Remember, it’s on him if he strays, but it’s up to you not to give him a “reason” to (See “Wife Addition”).
5. Make him comfortable by pampering his body. Some men don’t like manicures and pedicures or even massages, but you know what makes his body feel good. Whatever it is, do it.
6. Make his atmosphere comfortable so he feels comfortable. Create a welcoming environment in your home so he wants to be there. Keep it clean, beautiful (make sure you have some masculine touches, too) and smelling good with food and other delightful fragrances. Declare your home to be a cozy and combat-free zone.

Invest in His Spirit
7. Pray for him. Do this alone and in his presence. He doesn’t always have to pray with you, but make sure you bless him daily and on those special occasions.
8. Share with him scriptures that you have studied that remind you of his strength of character or will otherwise encourage him. Tell him why you are sharing that scripture.
9. Fast for him. Sometimes you see your husband in warfare or he is having a hard time making a tough decision. Fast for him to help his breakthrough come.

Invest in His Emotions

10. All of the above no doubt will positively impact your husband’s emotions, but make sure to also intentionally watch your mouth (Psalm 141:3). This means for us to watch the bad that comes out of our mouths, but we need to ask God to also help us watch for the good that should come out of our mouths. Plan good things to communicate to your husband not just with what you say but even with what you write to him. Dote on him with spoken and written words that you share daily. Why not be like Sara and call him lord (with a little ‘l’)? He is the master of the house; surely you can reverence him as such.

Of course there is a lot more I could say, but I think you understand where I’m coming from. Invest in yourself and make sure you know your husband so you can tailor your investment to his body, spirit and emotions. Nurturing him will surely help him to be the man God has called him to be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Momma Wife?

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“I got four kids,” I’ve heard women with three children say, taking a stab at their husband by classifying him as the fourth child. A lot of us women feel this way when we pick up our husbands’ clothes, help them figure out logistics and do housework. We think, “What would they do without us?” or “I didn’t sign up to be his mother.” Though these tasks can be annoying, God’s idea of a wife wasn’t a built-in slave for a husband. I don’t even think it was for husbands to be dependent upon wives; I believe God’s idea of a wife being a helper to her husband was the woman’s role in an interdependent relationship, two different minds coming together to compliment the other for the glory of God’s kingdom. I believe the idea of a helper, or a nurturer, was intended for the husband’s growth, not so he can glory in his achievements but so he would be equipped to accomplish God’s will for the salvation of mankind.

Two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us this for three reasons: 1) if one falls, the other is there to help her up; 2) if they lie down together, they will be warmer than if they lied down alone; and 3) one may be overpowered by an enemy, but two will be able to resist him. Each of these instances shows interdependence, both parties benefiting from the relationship. And most of us want the person on our team to be at his best. Being a nurturer helps a husband to be at his best to give you his best and to fight the enemy. When you are both at your best, you think clearly and can properly prioritize. And the number one priority for a believer is to make God known throughout the earth, and to defeat our number one enemy, Satan, is at the top of the list in order to achieve this.

I think too many so-called strong black women protest nurturing their husbands with a “what about me? What’s he going to do for me?” And those are legitimate questions, but I believe Ecclesiastes helps to answer those and so do Ephesians 5:25-33, Colossians 3:19, 1 Corinthians 7:3 and 1 Peter 3:7. You need to know what your husband’s role is too. And you shouldn’t enter a marriage if you aren’t sure that your mate can be a husband according to Scripture. But if your husband goes crazy in the marriage and forgets that he is a biblical husband, you are not absolved from being a biblical wife.

What god put together, let no man tear apart (Mark 10:9). We focus so much on this meaning the couple shouldn’t divorce and rightly so because this is the proper interpretation, but I want us to apply this to the roles that God put in place for the wife. We cannot tear away the biblical roles from the definition of wife because God defined the wife. When we decide to do so is like us deciding to be God. We are not free to redefine our roles to our level of comfort. Let us be the wives, the nurturers of our husbands, that God called us to be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith