Tag Archives: Christianity

The Break

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My sister, Sharon, Me and our children


When I stopped my world stopped, at least the one that I had created in my busyness. No longer did I have to rise early and go to bed late to get it all done. My husband didn’t have to long for late-night dates nor did my children have to wait to play because “Mom, you’re always at your computer.” When my world stopped, I got out and the scenes changed immediately. I was now in those missing spaces and could see a lot better.

Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen.—Leonardo da Vinci, (1452-1519) Italian painter, sculptor and architect

My rest helped me reassess what needed to change so that I can renovate then rest on my perspective in three major areas: on God’s power; on my family’s purpose; and on my personal preferences. In short, I must have what I call the L perspective: Remembering that God gave me my family (a vertical extension), and they give me what God wants for me (a horizontal extension). If you sketch this reality, the vertical extension connected to the horizontal extension makes the letter L, thus the L perspective.

Though I knew some of this intellectually, my attitude displayed that the knowledge lived in my head, occasionally visiting my heart. I believe Jesus when He said that He came to earth that I might have life in Him, and not just any old life but one that is richly full (John 10:10). Yeah, that’s what I want and now have a better mind map to get me there. I pray that my revelations will inspire you to seek your own so you, too, will live the life Jesus Christ died for you to have, creating the same home in your head and in your heart.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Snapshot Moment

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My Three Sons

I had a snapshot moment with my two youngest. They had a synchronized meltdown, crying in unison and both clamoring for mama’s love. After I changed the toddler’s training pants and then the baby’s diaper, I wiped the waterfalls from their faces and let them lay in bed with me. The baby nursed on my right while the toddler caressed my left. That was yesterday. Today was almost a snap back moment when all three wanted something from me: The firstborn wanted permission to play a game; the toddler wanted cereal; and the baby just wanted me. I was only gone for three hours, a needful leave to get my teeth cleaned and some groceries, something my husband usually does, but he was sick. And he was with them when I was gone for three hours, but not all the way with them because he was sick. I had a muffin this morning. I resisted overspending because I was hungry and looked forward to eating when I got home. But with three needy children demanding me upon arrival and a sick spent husband, food for me had to wait a little bit, and I almost said, “Oooo, dese kids,” but I remembered my poem with that line and decided to shut my mouth, suck up my plans and meditate on being a Carrier of Life.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Leaving a Legacy

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My father was a quiet man of action. I never heard him say that he wanted to be an example of a man with a strong work ethic who provided for his family and comforted his children, but that’s what I saw, and that’s the type of man I wanted. Though my father had strong character that I sought in men I dated, I wished my father had given me clear dos and don’ts when deciding who’s company I would keep. He didn’t get involved because he said he didn’t want to be judgmental. I embraced a legacy that he, intentionally or unintentionally, left me that was good and challenging for me. I have a husband with a strong work ethic who is a provider and comforter, but trying to recognize someone like him without major character flaws took me on a journey due, in part, to my father’s hands-off, “non-judgmental” approach with my dating.

As I thought about my dad’s legacy, my strong black woman one, especially in light of trying to impart a non-Jezebel-like response to my sons, and how I have been challenging my discipleship group to meet their goals, I began to ask “What type of legacy do you want to leave?” For me this question caused me to think beyond the “I want to be a good wife and a mother” response that we typically say. This question forced me to delve into what attitudes and actions I have and if they lead to my being presently known as a supportive and submissive wife, a selfless and sacrificing mother, a wise spiritual leader and a penetrating writer. For the most part, according to others, I have a solid reputation in these areas. But without planning, not purposing to engage in certain behaviors and attitudes, I could easily leave a legacy I don’t intend. I don’t want to teach my sons to court a woman whose mantra seems to be “accept what I say and not what I do.” She says she is a Christian and goes to church, but she is the aggressor and constantly asserts her way. I don’t want them to see Jezebel in me and think she belongs in women so they pick a Jezebel. As I seek to leave a legacy, I am loosing and losing Jezebel so she has no intentional or unintentional part of me.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

Mean Mama No More

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This weekend I was not the mean mommy though I wondered if I would be when Joshua asked me why I said “Oh My Gosh” in a church parking lot and reminded me not to exceed the speed limit. Instead, I listened to his voice shaking with confusion and fright for me “because God might be mad at you for using his name in vain in the church parking lot.” Most of us know that a mama’s first response is simply reflexive, responding to a child stepping out of his place. At least that’s the case with most strong black women I know. But in light of my mean mama self examination, I was extra careful with my responses to clarify for and comfort Joshua.

Before Joshua said that I used the Lord’s name in vain (right), he said that “Oh My Gosh” was cursing (not really). I re-explained that Gosh is a substitute for God, and he’s right that we shouldn’t say it because doing so is a way of calling out to God for no good reason at all. I apologized for saying “Oh My Gosh,” but Joshua continued to fret, repeating over and over what I had done and what he thought would be God’s response.

“Joshua, I said I was sorry. What else do you want me to do?”
“You can pray about it.”
“What should I pray?”
“You can ask God to help you not to say ‘Oh My Gosh’ anymore.”
“You are right, Joshua. I can pray.”

So I asked God to forgive me and help me not to say “Oh My Gosh,” which comes out at times I don’t even realize. And not realizing that I had said it was really frustrating for Joshua. If he could express himself, he’d probably want to know “How could you so freely say something that you teach me not to say?” But he didn’t have to say that. He was quite clear with his telling me that I was in the church parking lot.

Though my son conducted a lesson in humility for me, I was not the mean mama but the proud mama. He has learned and knows how to apply The 10 Commandments and is recognizing what displeases God. His 7-year-old ways may not yet be the most gracious, but we’re working on the “not what you say but how you say it.” He did pretty well this day. So on the expressway when he said, “Mama don’t forget,” his respectful way of reminding me not to speed, I said, “You’re right,” and I simply decelerated from 58 to get to the 55 limit. He knows laws and is working on the love, and in the process I truly am the proud mama.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith