Tag Archives: Children

Unnatural Affection

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As I pondered my lesson for the women’s ministry service this week for the “World is in Your Womb” series (lessons on motherhood) at my church, I continued to be struck with Pastor Renee’s notion of maternal vision and blind parenting. In my message I kept that theme going as I looked at the biblical mothers Jochebed (Moses’ mom) (Exodus 2:1-10) and Rebekah (Jacob and Esau’s mom) (Genesis 25:19-34; 27). Jochebed represented the one with maternal vision and Rebekah was the blind mother.

I found that Jochebed was selfless, because she was
1. Cooperative. She didn’t fight against what God showed her about Moses. She went out of her way to ensure the best for her son.
2. Concentrated. She maintained her focus on her plans to save Moses. She never gave up but continued to be diligent.
3. Careful. She was meticulous with her efforts. She took her time like a skilled craftsman.

Opposite Jochebed was Rebekah, who was selfish, because her efforts were
1. Comfortable. She did what felt good to her.
2. Convenient. She did what came easy for her. She didn’t trust God with the unknown but worked to make prophecy come to pass in her own strength.
3. Calculating. She spent a great amount of time figuring out how to scheme, a method that was within her reach.

So though we must strive to be like Jochebed, there are a lot of reasons we fail and are blind mothers. Pastor Renee outlined these practical reasons in her blog post on Monday, which is definitely where Rebekah fell, but I want us to consider spiritual implications:

“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away” (2 Timothy 3:1-5) (italics mine).

So while we are working hard against our natural selfish tendencies, we must also work hard against our two other enemies, the world and the devil. These perilous times have come and mothers now lack “natural affection” for their children. A mother should naturally want her children, care for her children, fight for her children, and raise her children to be the best they can be. But this lacking of natural affection has entered our cultural landscape, has spread into Christianity, and has made many of us challenge the biblical notions of nurturing our children. What we are up against is more than a flesh and cultural war but a spiritual battle that only God’s word can equip us to handle. Timothy tells us to “turn away” from people who don’t have natural affection. This includes you turning away from the you that lacks natural affection and seeking God to restore to you what is essentially your birthright as a mother.

So I urge you mothers to gird your loins with truth, and put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand Satan’s schemes that have duped many of us to believe that it’s okay to be a Rebekah and too much work to be a Jochebed (Ephesians 6:10-18). Don’t fall for his lies but believe that God can restore to you natural affection for your children so you raise them to be the godly seed that they are supposed to be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

No Excuse for Abuse

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Some women just don’t know how to nurture their children. Yesterday I was sitting in my child’s second grade glass with other parents and children, including non-school age ones, when one baby, about 2 or 3, whined just a bit too much for his mom so she popped him. I don’t know where she hit him but I heard the sound and then him crying as he blinked huge tears from his eyes that begged her to hug him, love him, what seemed like what his whining was about in the first place. She ignored his little brown face that beckoned to be kissed and for tears to be wiped away. Instead, she dismissed him to go with his older sister so she could nurture him instead.

As we observe domestic violence awareness month, with a particular emphasis on women, I don’t want us to forget the children. Granted, it’s hard to separate the focus on children when you are speaking about women who suffer abuse. Many times children experience abuse at the hands of their mother’s abusers. If they don’t suffer physical abuse, watching their mother suffer results in their arrested psychological, emotional, and social development among other stagnations. But my focus for this post is not physical violence against children at the hands of their fathers or mothers’ boyfriends but is on spiritual abuse against children at the hands of their own mothers.

With the broad definition of abuse being the improper treatment of somebody, especially on a consistent basis, I find that Christian mothers spiritually abuse their children when they don’t teach them spiritual principles to help them develop into healthy Christ-like human beings. Their children are bound to mirror the world’s ways that say the best success is financial and material gain. This spiritual abuse happens because some women simply don’t know what to do. Well, my women’s pastor, Renee M. Carr of Detroit’s Evangel Ministries, gives the first step that’s necessary to spiritually nurturing children: having what she calls “maternal vision.”

Maternal vision is to perceive by any of your senses what must be done with your child; to have regard for and to cherish them. In other words, you must be able to see what your child can become and, therefore, understand what needs to be done to help him or her to get there. Or in the negative sense, prevent him or her from getting there. God has wonderful plans in store for your children and Satan has diabolical ones. It’s our job as mothers to have maternal vision so we bring God’s plan to fruition and frustrate Satan’s devices so we nurture spiritually healthy children. We must see what type of parent, employer or employee, and friend they can become. We must see what type of moral agent they can become. In essence, we must see how God would have them impact the world. Begin to pray that God will open your eyes and other senses so you see His and Satan’s plans for your child so you can begin to develop a plan to spiritually nurture your child with precision.

In the next few posts, I plan to discuss more of Pastor Carr’s maternal vision, including how to get it and once you get it, what needs to be done to put it in motion. Stay tuned.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Benefits of Nurturing Children

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I know the Bible says not to be weary in well-doing, but I was just about in sin today because I am worn out from nurturing children, which is a good thing. Doing so from 1-4 a.m. is not a good thing, at least not for my flesh. My one year old awoke with a scream. I held him and brought him to my bed, thinking he was afraid from a scary dream and just needed to be with his parents. But he babbled for an hour and then said, “apple,” his catchall phrase for “I’m hungry.” After feeding him two bananas and water, his squirming in my bed and my putting him back in his bed, he finally fell asleep in my bed in the 4 o’clock hour. At some point in all of this my seven year old came into the room to say that he couldn’t breathe. My husband gave him some medicine, and we all fell asleep, hard, missing the 5:45 alarm and me rising at 6:18 in a panic to get my husband and son up and ready to go to work and school.

After ironing clothes and preparing breakfast and lunch, they were on track and would still be on time. But right before eating breakfast, my seven-year-old tells us for the first time about a boy bullying him at school, so we have to pray, counsel, encourage and coach him to fortify him to go to school. His countenance was lifted and he went to school with confidence. But mama is worn out from nurturing, and I am, frankly, a bit numb. But I know this is the time that I must remember why God called me to nurture my children and the benefits of doing so.

When you nurture your children—teaching and correcting them with biblical principles, showing them affection and genuine concern for their welfare and providing for their needs—the Bible promises the following:

    *A father will be proud of his child (Proverbs 15:20).
    *Children won’t despise their mother (Proverbs 15:20).
    *Children won’t be a grief to their father or bitterness to their mother (Proverbs 17:25).
    *Children will have a firm foundation (Proverbs 22:6).
    *Foolishness will be driven out of children’s hearts (Proverbs 22:15).
    *Children will be saved from destruction (23:14-15).
    *Parents will rejoice (Proverbs 23:24-25).
    *Children will be wise (Proverbs 29:15).
    *A mother will not be disgraced (Proverbs 29:15).
    *Parents will be at peace and delighted (Proverbs 29:17).

I can’t promise that you will never grow weary in nurturing, but I know that God’s word is true, and you will reap the harvest above if you don’t grow weary. So keep your call to nurture and the benefits of doing so in the front of your mind and surely you will have the incentive you need to press on to do this great work in your children’s lives.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

The Challenge to Nurture Your Children

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My heart ached, feeling like it was breaking in two, when I heard she didn’t want him, her two-year-old son and second child. The first she put up for adoption. Now after trying her hand at raising him, exposing him to a sexually abusive and otherwise violent man, she says she “doesn’t want him.” She tried to be a mother but hadn’t healed from what hindered her nurturing instincts when she birthed the first child. She gave up on her calling, too weak to focus on mothering, let alone accomplish it. She’s a victim herself and now will likely place her son in the care of the State, diminishing his chances of going from victim to victor.

My heart aches for this woman and child and so many others that I have heard too often in the news: a mother sells her 7-year-old daughter for crack; a mother turns a blind eye at her husband molesting her children; a mother abandons her one and four-year-old children in a home for days, leaving them to fend for themselves; and a mother locks her child in the closet, only feeding her every few days, stunting her physical and emotional growth. There are many others; I’m sure you’ve heard them, and like me find it hard to imagine doing these things. I cry as I type this because of the incessant abuse that I can’t fathom but understand can happen when women don’t understand they are called to nurture their children.

“Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth. . .”—Genesis 1:28 (KJV).

Too many women stop at being fruitful (getting pregnant), multiplying (having a lot of children) and replenishing the earth (so those children occupy various parts of the land) and don’t consider for what purpose. First, God called humans to have children so they can control the animal species, and, second, to produce a godly offspring, children dedicated to serve Him (Malachi 2:15). And the only way children will be dedicated to serving God is if they are taught to do so; they must grow to this point, and this is the job of a nurturing mother.

Most mothers I know are dedicated to nurturing their children in some way. Whether it’s imparting good hygiene skills and manners or helping to cultivate academic or sports prowess, they are constantly teaching their children in these areas that seem to be of the utmost importance for their children to succeed in this physical world. But the calling on a child’s life, including any mention of excellence for a believer in Jesus Christ, is always to benefit God’s kingdom, a place that we help control in the spiritual world while on this earth.

So with learning good hygiene skills and manners and academic and sports prowess, teaching your children that God should get the glory in each is the key to nurturing. We must focus here because we will get off track, on one extreme grossly abusing them like the mothers above or on the other extreme building up their humanity apart from God; either way we fail to impart to them the ultimate purpose of their existence: to give God glory. Let’s nurture our children based on God’s call to mankind to fill the earth with people who will live for and worship Him.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Carrier of Life

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Last week author Marilynn Griffith visited my blog and talked about motherhood pride. If we’ve ever had those moments when we thought our children were simply stellar, there may have been a time when you couldn’t always say that or there may come a time when you simply breakdown because it seems all your efforts are futile. Marilynn reminded us that even when you train your child “right,” you may be in for a few surprises from them. I wrote the following poem this week for my church’s women’s month to help us remember our God-given role as mothers. The night’s focus was “I Am a Mother,” and as mothers we should always keep in mind what Marilynn said: “(Children) are a gift from God given for your care (and feeding!) until God releases them into their destiny, which is the same as ours–to change the world for Christ.”
Carrier of Life
Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith