Tag Archives: Black Woman

Choosing Silence

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Think before you speak. Breathe before you speak. Pause before you speak. Count to 10 before you speak. We are given all these warnings so we don’t regret saying something that will hurt someone’s feelings, damage a relationship or even mess up our reputation. This can be hard for strong black women who believe in telling it like it is and setting the record straight. But what about when we go to the other extreme, choosing silence not to practice self control but to control?

Sometimes we choose silence as a method of control. Here are some ways:
1) We don’t tell others about our weak moments because we want to control how they view us;
2) We want others to suffer so we give them the silent treatment; and
3) We take God’s silence as permission to do what we want.

Have you ever chosen silence to control how others view you, to punish them or to do what you want? Look forward to hearing more on these. In the meantime I’d love to hear your control stories.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Trust Issues

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Being controlling means not trusting. Whether we are a subordinate usurping our leader’s control or a leader abusing our subordinates, the bottom line is a trust issue. We may say that we don’t trust others to do the job the way we would. That’s why we tell them how to do it or we simply do the job ourselves. We may even justify speaking harshly to someone because that’s the only way we believe we’ll get results. We say we don’t trust others to respond properly, but we really don’t trust God with others; we don’t believe that God can, or will, direct them to behave the way we want them to. And we believe the way we want them to behave is the best way. If God has other notions we don’t always want to hear them, let alone allow them to be executed.

This is what I realized when God told me to call my sister (See ‘Lose Control’). I justified that it was too early even though the God of the universe, who knows everything, told me to call her. I didn’t trust God, my personal savior, to handle my life because I wasn’t allowing Him to be my lord (master). My pastor, Christopher W. Brooks, gave an excellent sermon on this very issue. Following are some excerpts from that message titled “Who’s the Boss,” which is part one of the series “The Master’s Plan for Your Life.” If you want the entire message go to www.evangelministries.org.

Thought One: “Most of us don’t fully trust God so we don’t submit to Him.”

Thought Two: “God never reveals His master plan for your life until you trust Him as the master of your life.”

Thought Three: whos-the-boss-clip

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Lose Control

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One day last week I was fed up, spiritually spent and didn’t have the remedy to get filled. God told me to call my sister, but I reasoned that it was too early. I didn’t want to tell her that I felt like I was in a spiritual wasteland, that my weariness had caused me to be weak, that while I desired to do what I needed to get spiritually strong, I felt too physically and emotionally weak to do it. I didn’t want to say that I was weak, that this spiritually fit strong black woman had become flabby. But God repeated, “Call her,” and I did.

After a few quick updates I had to interrupt her so I wouldn’t lose the courage to tell her I had no idea what I needed to do to escape this place that I don’t remember traveling to. She spoke life to me in so many ways and then said, “I heard the Lord say, ‘Lose Control.’” I knew then why God told me to call her.

I have been talking these past few weeks about the need to give up what we believe is the proper control. My wrestling was that I didn’t want to admit to my sister, my best friend, that this spiritually mature woman was having a weak moment. I didn’t want her to know that I wanted to maintain the appearance of being in control. How could I, a spiritually fit strong black woman, not know what I needed to do to get through this spiritual crisis? I teach on fasting and studying and applying God’s word. I understand the need to confess my sins and repent of them. And even though none of this seemed to be working for me, I still wanted to be controlling, choosing silence instead of speaking to the woman God ordained to give me my breakthrough.

Losing control (read being controlling) doesn’t mean chaos for your life; it means God’s control of your life, surrendering to His will so that you will not only prosper but also have good success (See Joshua 1:8), the kind that God wants you to have.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

Abusing Authority

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“So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all” (Mark 10:42-44 NLT).

“I don’t want no silly women,” I remember one of my early spiritual mentors saying during a women’s service. She went on to talk about women sitting around cackling and being clueless about how to serve in God’s kingdom. A hush fell on the room, as if every woman was contemplating if she was a silly woman. My mentor had the power and authority to challenge us: she was our pastor and she spoke biblically (2 Timothy 3:1-7). I understood what she was saying, and I was with her. I even started adding items in my mind: “And yeah, don’t be no weak, wimpy, whiny woman.” We have to be strong in order to take God’s kingdom by force and snatch people from the gates of hell. But while we need to be strong in the power and authority of Christ, and we need to tell that to those we’re leading, we have to be careful how we tell them (in what voice tone) and how we get them to act upon what we tell them (with what persuasive methods).

As we continue to talk about control we must find a balance. The balance is not just between taking your rightful place with the authority and power Christ has given you and taking someone else’s place. We also have to contemplate how we are exercising the authority that we have been given. Any leader, whether spiritual or secular, in the workplace or in the home, has to lead in an encouraging way, even if the words themselves cut like a sword (Hebrews 4:12; Proverbs 27:6). Threatening tactics, like loss of position if your personal needs aren’t met; telling or implying to followers that you are their only authority; or speaking harshly because you think your position allows you to, are simply abuse. Let it not be said that you are abusive and call yourself a strong black woman. Abusing authority is just as bad as taking someone else’s authority and that gives God and women who are strong in the Lord a bad name.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith

I Give Up

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When I find that I’m being controlling, sometimes this has to be my battle cry:

I Give Up!
I give up
the fight is yours
upon me Lord, your grace, please pour
to do your will
no questions asked
for it is your job to complete the task.

The life I Iive
it is not mine,
I am leaving that behind.
The fight, the struggle,
all my pride,
and all those other little things we hide.
To live a life that’s free of sin
True life in Christ, I shall begin.
“Go straight ahead with faith in Me
then you will find full life of peace.
They’ll strike you once, they’ll strike you twice,
you’ll realize life just isn’t nice.
Be brave my child, be brave my friend,
they’re gonna mock you ’til the end.
But if your attitude is right,
you’re gonna lead them to the light.”
©2009 Helena Nunn