Tag Archives: Black Woman

God's Strength

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Saturday was a true display for me of black Christian women who find their strength in the Lord. This was during the prayer luncheon of Ebenezer AME Church in Detroit, where my sister, the Rev. Sharon D. Moore, is the assistant pastor. The prayer luncheon was one of the first events leading to Ebenezer’s women’s month, whose theme is “Pursuing His Presence.” The standout prayer for me was by Dr. Valerie Abbott, general practitioner and pediatrician.

Before she prayed, Dr. Abbott told the women not to rely on doctors and nurses but on God because it is He who uses them as instruments of His healing. Her prayer went on to ask God for healing in the lives of women with various health issues and was a great foundation for the keynote speaker, the Rev. Dr. Velva Burley, minister of community relations at Third New Hope Baptist Church in Detroit.
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Rev. Burley seemed to epitomize the woman I have been challenging us to be: one whose priorities and strength come from God, and she challenged us to be the same. In her introduction, Rev. Moore told how Rev. Burley felt compelled to and did cancel a speaking engagement to be with her young son on an out of town sports championship trip; when she made the speaking commitment, her son hadn’t yet had his engagement. Though she had given the name of a replacement, the group didn’t understand why she cancelled. But this was the sacrifice of this single mother, who raised her son while completing seminary; it took her eight years because of her son being her priority. She was able to succeed because of God’s strength.

So she challenged us to remember that God has called us to be His witnesses and that we have resurrection power inside of us to be able to proclaim His mighty works (Acts 1:8). The same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is the same power that each believer in Jesus Christ has and that is the Holy Spirit. As I reflect on what our priorities should be and how we can accomplish those priorities (which should be God-given), I am assured that what I set my mind on will be accomplished if I put my faith and trust in Him: “A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps” (Proverbs 16:9).

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Marital Roles

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I remember reading an analogy in PB Wilson’s Liberated Through Submission about the daily requirement of submission from all people. She talked about driving and the need to yield (submit) to other drivers, particularly when merging in traffic. It’s not that the other drivers are better than you; it’s just that for the safety of all, yielding is necessary. This helped me see my role in submission in marriage differently. Her description in no way gave a picture of a doormat to be stepped on, but an act necessary for the benefit of all. This is the picture that Scripture paints.

Men and women in general, and husbands and wives more specifically, are the same in value in Jesus Christ’s sight (Galatians 3:28), and He requires mutual consideration in marriage, but each spouse has been called to different functions. I believe this is so for there to be order in the marriage (1 Corinthians 11:3-12). Two main functions for the husband are provider and protector and for the wife, submitter and respecter.

The husband was called from the beginning to be a provider and protector when he was told to dress (work) and keep (protect) the garden (Genesis 2:5-17). God didn’t change his mind about man’s responsibilities in marriage when he laid out the duties of sanctifier, nourisher, cherisher, cleanser and lover in Ephesians 5. Each of these duties fall under provider and protector and require the husband to do so spiritually, physically and emotionally (See also 1 Corinthians 7:3, Colossians 3:19 and 1 Peter 3:7). The husband is compared to Jesus Christ and the woman to the church (Christians). So just like Christians are to submit to and respect Christ, so are wives to submit to and respect their husbands. Jesus Christ is the perfect provider and protector, and through Him a husband can seek to fulfill these roles in marriage. And Christ was perfect in submission and the respect of others, and through Him we can do the same for our husbands.

The major roles of each spouse don’t exclude the other from operating in the other’s roles from time to time when appropriate, but they are not the other’s primary responsibilities. So strong black woman, you don’t need no man to provide for or to protect you, but if you’re married this is what God requires that husbands do for you. Don’t let a bad attitude or a confusion of roles keep you from receiving blessings from your husband. Remember, each spouse seeking to fully operate in their function is biblical equality.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Marital Oneness

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“I don’t need no man,” many a strong black woman has said. And she is right. In fact, if you look at why God made woman, you could infer that the man needs a woman (Gen. 2:18-23). But I don’t think this is what God wants us to get from that passage. It’s about two whole people coming together to enhance each other’s wholeness and being on one accord. This is what I think typifies oneness; two people can come together knowing their strengths and weaknesses and contribute and accept enhancement from the other (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). The two agree, based on God’s word, how they will develop this oneness.

Oneness wasn’t even in my mind when I was demanding a new family structure from what my husband-to-be was accustomed to (see previous entry). I told him that we were not going to his people’s house. I didn’t tell him what I thought and ask him what he thought so together we could decide what a new family custom might be. I was also drawing the line between what’s his and what’s mine, by referring to his birth family as his people instead of seeing them as our people. Being one means his family becomes my family. He leaves them and becomes one with me, not being under his parents’ rules anymore but operating based upon the guidelines of our new family (Genesis 2:24). Our oneness now requires synergy based upon a scriptural model. And part of the scriptural model for marriage is the different roles assigned to husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:21-33). I’ll talk about that more next time, but for now, in what ways may you have disrupted oneness in marriage? What about others you know? You know I want your feedback. I look forward to receiving it.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Marital Equality

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I had it all figured out. I told my husband to be: “When we get married, we ain’t going over to your people’s house every week for dinner. And I’m still going to present at academic conferences. I’ll just have our baby strapped to me, but I’m going.” There was no way that I was going to be obligated to his family’s idea of together time, and there was no way that I was going to stop my career aspirations. I knew the scriptures told a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and I knew that God had gifted me to work just like He had gifted my man (Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 12:4-11). I wanted to assert myself, make sure that he knew how things were laying before he gave me the ring, before I said I do. I wanted him to know that he couldn’t make all the decisions because we were equal. But none of my thoughts considered what God had to say about marriage, namely that the two shall be one and that husbands and wives have different roles. I’ll discuss both more fully in future entries.

I didn’t consider what God had to say because I thought what I had to say was more important (Proverbs 3:7). My wisdom told me that we could still operate married like we were single and that we were equal in how we should function. And though I talked about the 50/50 split in marriage, I always wrestled with that one because my common sense let me know that would be impossible (though it would be ideal, I thought); the only way you could split everything 50/50 in marriage is if you marry your clone.

Marital equality calls for each spouse to seek to operate fully in their functions, not to perform the same functions. And sometimes these functions require what you’d rather not do, like submit to attending a family dinner or postpone an academic career to properly care for children. Initially both seemed hard, but God’s wisdom has proven that my notions were the way of death (Proverbs 14:12).

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith