Tag Archives: Black Woman

Tips for Activating Good Will

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With Sisters in Christ

1. Resolve in your mind that you want God’s will above your will (Matthew 26:39).
2. Don’t vent to others unless they are wise counselors and you are seeking biblical advice. You may be unknowingly gossiping about the person.
3. Meet with the person who has offended with you. Discuss your issues with biblical reconciliation at the forefront of your mind (Matthew 18:15-16; Philippians 4:2-3; 2 Corinthians 5:18-20; Galatians 6:1; and James 5:16).
4. Meet again with a mediator if you two don’t come to a biblical resolution. Remember there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors (Proverbs 11:14). Make sure you both agree on who any additional people should be. These should be people who are known to strive to meet biblical standards of reconciliation.
5. Understand that reconciliation may not be immediately available, but that doesn’t mean you don’t strive for it (Matthew 18:17; Romans 12:18).
6. Continue to work to do God’s will with your sister in Christ or without her, making sure not to slander her.

In the World

7. Fulfill God’s commands to impact the world for Christ (Isaiah 61:1-2). In Christ’s stead, we must be his hands and feet on the earth to meet the needs of people.
a. Preach gospel of Christ to those in need. Do everything you can to tell people about salvation through Jesus Christ. Don’t stop there. Show people, through your actions, the power and love of Jesus by
b. feeding the hungry.
c. clothing the naked.
d. binding up (bandage or heal the wounds of) the brokenhearted.
e. comforting all that mourn.
Do all these for individuals you know, through your church, established organizations or a ministry you begin. The point is: Don’t make an excuse for not doing good: being kind to your brothers and sisters in Christ and showing benevolence to those throughout the world. This is the call for all Christians, including the strong black woman who’s trying to refocus her attitude from simply doing good to look good but doing good because goodness emanates from her changed heart that seeks to be like Christ.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Cut the Fuss

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I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

If I hear one more “If she. . .” or “But she. . .” after someone has said she has forgiven her sister, I just might scream. Dwelling on the offense is an offense in itself. It debilitates the speaker, slanders the original offender, gives credence to Christianity being weak, and wastes time in the battle for souls for Christ. I want a change; so I, like Paul, plead with the sisters who are beefing to be of the same mind in the Lord, and I urge others with influence to help any women they see bickering, giving more attention to their beef than to the cause of Christ.

Help them drop their nets.

Yes, Jesus told His disciples to drop their nets—meaning to give up their jobs, to follow Him. But some of us need to drop our nets of bickering because this can be a full-time job for us. We give so much attention to the detail of our fleshly battle that we have become all-consumed, just like the attention we give to full-time work. Drop your net and agree with each other in the Lord to continue “in the cause of the gospel.”

Paul wanted Euodia and Syntyche to work out their differences by focusing on the Lord. What does the Lord say about us getting along? This should be our focus. When we focus on our feelings and the offenses and can’t get pass them, we are exalting these issues above God. They have become idols that God tells us to tear down. We must tear them down not just so the world sees our harmony but that we might have harmony to do God’s work together. I believe this is what Paul was having these Christians focus on: God and his work that needs to be done. He first said he wanted Euodia and Syntyche to agree but not just agree in any way (going along to get along) but agreeing in the Lord (renewing their minds to line up with Jesus’ thoughts and actions). This is the only way that we can reach out to a dying world and rescue people from the grips of the enemy.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Momma Wife?

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“I got four kids,” I’ve heard women with three children say, taking a stab at their husband by classifying him as the fourth child. A lot of us women feel this way when we pick up our husbands’ clothes, help them figure out logistics and do housework. We think, “What would they do without us?” or “I didn’t sign up to be his mother.” Though these tasks can be annoying, God’s idea of a wife wasn’t a built-in slave for a husband. I don’t even think it was for husbands to be dependent upon wives; I believe God’s idea of a wife being a helper to her husband was the woman’s role in an interdependent relationship, two different minds coming together to compliment the other for the glory of God’s kingdom. I believe the idea of a helper, or a nurturer, was intended for the husband’s growth, not so he can glory in his achievements but so he would be equipped to accomplish God’s will for the salvation of mankind.

Two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us this for three reasons: 1) if one falls, the other is there to help her up; 2) if they lie down together, they will be warmer than if they lied down alone; and 3) one may be overpowered by an enemy, but two will be able to resist him. Each of these instances shows interdependence, both parties benefiting from the relationship. And most of us want the person on our team to be at his best. Being a nurturer helps a husband to be at his best to give you his best and to fight the enemy. When you are both at your best, you think clearly and can properly prioritize. And the number one priority for a believer is to make God known throughout the earth, and to defeat our number one enemy, Satan, is at the top of the list in order to achieve this.

I think too many so-called strong black women protest nurturing their husbands with a “what about me? What’s he going to do for me?” And those are legitimate questions, but I believe Ecclesiastes helps to answer those and so do Ephesians 5:25-33, Colossians 3:19, 1 Corinthians 7:3 and 1 Peter 3:7. You need to know what your husband’s role is too. And you shouldn’t enter a marriage if you aren’t sure that your mate can be a husband according to Scripture. But if your husband goes crazy in the marriage and forgets that he is a biblical husband, you are not absolved from being a biblical wife.

What god put together, let no man tear apart (Mark 10:9). We focus so much on this meaning the couple shouldn’t divorce and rightly so because this is the proper interpretation, but I want us to apply this to the roles that God put in place for the wife. We cannot tear away the biblical roles from the definition of wife because God defined the wife. When we decide to do so is like us deciding to be God. We are not free to redefine our roles to our level of comfort. Let us be the wives, the nurturers of our husbands, that God called us to be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Be Pure

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From as early as I can remember I’ve been driven to do what I feel is right: As a toddler I never crawled, just decided to walk one day; In elementary school, I befriended the lonely and didn’t let bullies bully me; In junior high, I refused to suck up to the most popular girl who sought to strip my dignity and win my friends; In high school, I dared to run for class office against the most popular girl; In college, I led my peers to defend the homeless and conducted personal crusades on their behalf; and post graduate and beyond, I’ve made it my business to tell it like it is about race and gender inequalities. These weren’t bad things, but they all stemmed from an independent spirit. And an independent spirit is great when it allows you to be free from trying to please people, to do the right thing. But when you are free from trying to please God to do your own thing, that’s when chaos begins.

Chaos for me began when my free spirit was coupled with an early exposure to illicit sex. From about 9 to early adulthood, self pleasure was a favorite pastime, at 16 my virginity was loss (at my initiating), and throughout early adulthood, I did most of what my body desired. As a strong black woman, I thought it was my prerogative to “make love” to men I wasn’t married to, watch illicit movies, and hang out at seedy places with unscrupulous people. Few suspected my impurity, with two of my closest friends in college ridiculing me for being “a prude.” Private I was; prudish I was not and this caused an ultimate tragedy for me—getting burned.

Even though I wasn’t saved, the results of my illicit acts helped me to see why God commands purity for His people (Colossians 3:5-6). Sexual purity is rendered fornication in the Bible and means to have sex outside of the marital bond to whom God declares you can marry (one man to one woman). Engaging within the bond of marriage can be challenging enough in itself. Operating outside of God’s commands inevitably brings consequences you don’t want and shouldn’t have to handle. Truly, it is best to flee fornication and rid yourself of the notion that you are free to do whatever you want because you are grown (1 Corinthians 6:18). If you don’t, assured destruction is on the way.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Rid Your Slanderous Talk, Part 2

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Life can be quite overwhelming for all of us. Family issues, financial crises, unending wars and everyday routines can make any one of us want to give up on any given day. And don’t be a black woman. Like any other “double minority,” there is another set of complexities that comes with our lives. But whether you’re black or white, male or female, economically and socially privileged or deprived, as a Christian you are required to rid yourself of slanderous talk. This is not easy, so here are a few more tips:

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)—We are told to tell the truth, but we must remember to be mindful of how we tell the truth. We can’t simply say that we had to tell the person the truth; we have to ask ourselves our motive behind why we are going to say what we intend to say. We not only have to make sure our motives are right, we have to check our tone of voice, the timing of what we say and the place we choose to say it. Our heart could be right, but our voice could betray us. Speaking to someone when they’ve just had a traumatic experience may not be the right time to tell someone that they’re shiftless. And doing so in front of friends may leave them embarrassed and hopeless. Speaking the truth in love is summarized with Ephesians 4:29:

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” This verse tells us to speak what is good so that we edify and minister grace to others. Good has several meanings but the one that I believe applies to this verse is “useful.” Our language should be useful so we build up (edify) others, particularly promoting “another’s growth in Christian wisdom, piety, happiness, holiness” (Blue Letter Bible Concordance). And we should deliver this useful message with grace, which is “good will, loving-kindness.” Anything short of Ephesians 4:29 is slander.

So whether we like it or not, want to use it or not, Ephesians 4:29 applies when you’re happy and when you’re sad. It holds true when you’re healthy and when you’re ill. Ephesians 4:29 must be in the forefront when you don’t like your husband and when your kids get on your last nerve. When someone is rude or mean to you, tries to discourage or hate on you, you must invoke Ephesians 4:29. If you’re angry or bitter, let Ephesians 4:29 help heal your soul and perhaps the soul of the person who has offended you. Even if the other person is not healed, know that God sees you and is pleased. Let’s strive to make pleasing God our only motivation to speak what is good.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith