Tag Archives: Black Woman

The Ones I Wanted to Write About

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I wanted to write about the bishop who became the first in her denomination and the writer who is an Old Testament scholar and the one who started a black community in her denomination, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because the honor would seem like acceptance of twisted ideas. I couldn’t accept the supporting of heretical texts to “prove” scripture or the normalcy of homosexuality because of her lesbian friendship or the dabbling in a spiritual séance. To write about these Christian women would be to affirm their notions, to say the way they purport Christianity is ok. And that I cannot do.

But I will write about the journalist who spoke out against lynching and the grassroots woman who founded a democratic party and others, who, as far as I know, didn’t dilute Christianity for personal comforts. And I don’t mind writing about the likes of James Baldwin and Angela Davis because their being Christian is not the basis for lauding their righteous ideas. When you say who you are I respect that and expect your work to reflect that. These are the people I can write about and that I will do.

The realization of not being able to write about those I admire in many ways took me aback. I tried to figure out how I could incorporate disclaimers but the disclaimers would either outweigh or effectively cancel the celebration. Has something like this ever happened to you? Have you ever had to cease supporting someone you once supported because you realized that your beliefs were in conflict? I would love to hear about it. And I pray God’s power and protection for those who have given up support in order to honor Jesus Christ and His Kingdom.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

My Brooklyn Saint

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With a new car and summer job, my time in New York was supposed to be perfect, at least that’s what my friends and others thought because of my cosmopolitan ways. “You’re going to love New York. It’s so you,” they would say to allay my trepidation of leaving my up south city and going east to bright lights in a real up north city. But this 22-year-old girl from Detroit had real culture shock and homesickness when I smelled the garbage in China Town, saw street mayhem in Times Square, looked for my lost car in Brooklyn, and heard I had to work on Long Island and in Manhattan. I was somewhat petrified. Well, a lot really that I talked about cutting my 10-week internship short by eight weeks. I wanted to go home. Instead I called my praying grandmother—again—and she gave me some scriptures and words of encouragement—again—and I felt better for the moment—again, but I needed something more, someone, and I found her the day I ventured to Bridge Street AME Church.

The members smiled and greeted me after the pastor had visitors to stand and she was among them, Ernestine I’ll call her because I don’t remember her name but I remember her. She wore a brightly colored print bubu and black pants complete with rusty blond hair peeking from under a kufi. Probably in her early 60s, Ernestine gave me a wide smile, strong hug, introduced herself and insisted I call her by her first name. I felt warm and was so glad my fear didn’t cause me to stay at home. But after service, I briefly wished I had. Members hurried about to talk to friends, make dinner plans and serve at church information tables. I glanced about as my pew emptied then gathered my things to leave. As I moved slowly down the pew to the aisle, Ernestine waved to me from among a throng and made her way to invite me to spend the day with her. I readily agreed.

We went to her Brooklyn brownstone before she took me to a street fair and a lecture by the famous historian Dr. John Henrik Clarke. As she changed her clothes, I admired her wood furniture, African carvings and paintings, mahogany fireplace and a picture of her mate. He had passed a few years back, a brief illness I think. Now in a summer sweater with her black slacks, she fixed a snack of peanut butter toast and coffee and told me about her “king.” That’s what I remember. She kept saying, “He was my king!”

In that moment, I knew I wanted a love like hers, to love like her, to be in a place where I had no problem reverencing my man. I wanted sweet times and golden memories that would make me shriek “he is my king.” And I have that now, due in large part to Ernestine, a woman confident in her femininity, comfortable with her Christianity and African culture and the strength of her man where she didn’t mind calling him her king.

In New York I did come to love Chinese food delivery, hanging out in the Village and on Harlem’s 125th Street, and going to Junior’s on Brooklyn’s Atlantic and Flatbush. But above all I loved a woman whose name escapes me but the memory of her love for life and her man will remain with me forever.

Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith

5 Steps to a Good Reputation

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“Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets” (Luke 6:26).

Having a good reputation to some means that everyone says good things about you and that everyone likes you. But as the scripture above shows, having everyone speak well of you is not necessarily a good thing. Even as I’ve been discussing having a good reputation, my focus has not been on what people think or say about you, but it’s all been about you doing what God tells you to do, handling your holy business, if you will. This is what gives you a good reputation in the eyes of God, your family and the world.

God may be pleased, your family may speak well of you, but the world may simply not say anything bad about you, and that doesn’t mean they will say something good about you. And if you have a good reputation, when the world says something bad about you, you won’t be guilty of their accusations. This is what the scripture means when it charges believers to be blameless. So how do you gain a good reputation where 1) God is pleased; 2) your family speaks well of you; and 3) you are blameless before the world?

Count Up the Cost—Before endeavoring to do anything, make sure you have what it takes to complete the task. Only proceed when you can give your all. You don’t want to be known as the unreliable saint.
Keep Your Word—This is similar to the first but deserves its own category for people who intentionally commit to something with no intentions of following through or with the thought they can always cancel if the commitment they made inconveniences them. Be a woman of integrity.
Avoid the Appearance of Evil—Don’t go to places where people can question whether or not as a Christian you should be there. Such places could include the casino, bars and going on a trip with your boyfriend. You may just be eating, dancing or enjoying a warm island, but the appearance could be that you are gambling, getting drunk and having premarital sex. Don’t give anyone fodder for gossip.
Be Selfless—Go out of your way, if possible, to help others. Think of them before yourself.
Don’t compromise—Don’t make excuses for your bad behavior or others’ sin just because you like them. Waffling makes you look weak concerning your beliefs.

Using these five tips is a great start to gaining a good reputation. Always seek the Lord and use His word and you will be a blameless Christian who pleases God and your family adores.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Changing Your Mind

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I hope you know by now that a major aim of my blog is to stimulate minds in order to change hearts (thus a new mind) of black Christian women who historically have relied on making things happen themselves. The allure of being a strong black woman on your own accord is great. We like compliments; it can be nice being the center of attention; and quite frankly it’s a way many of us have always known so it’s hard to think, and, therefore, do anything other than the strong black woman way.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2).

But as you know, the only way that we will turn away from the world’s definition of a strong black woman is by renewing our minds. And the only way to renew our minds is to put on the mind of Jesus Christ. And the only way to put on the mind of Christ is to get to know Christ. And the only way to get to know Christ is through fellowship with Him. And the way you fellowship with Him is by reading His word and prayer. A big problem is that some of us don’t take the time to read the Bible or pray. Another problem may be that we don’t know how to engage His word or to pray.

If you are one of those people who just don’t know where to begin, you know I won’t leave you hanging. Please, visit my blog tomorrow where I will share with you ingredients for prayer that no doubt will guide you in your quest to go deeper with God. Learning how to pray properly will definitely cause you to read God’s word because in order to have an effective prayer life you must know the God that you are praying to.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Trust Your Leaders

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My heart has been heavy, and I am in utter disbelief, when considering that three Christian women I know got married this year without the blessing of their church. This wasn’t because the church discovered that their mates were sinful and forbade the women from marrying them. It was because the church wasn’t even afforded an opportunity to give wise counsel. These women courted and then took their vows without involving their church’s leaders. They didn’t receive marital counseling at their church, didn’t have the ceremony at their church and didn’t even invite the church leaders to their ceremonies. What’s wrong with this?

Well, I know each of these women could be typically classified as strong black women, believing that they are smart enough and know themselves well enough to make their own decisions, but this thinking is dangerous because it contradicts Scripture, particularly the “One Another” verses I discussed last week and those that tell us to submit to the spiritual authorities in our lives (Proverbs 11:14; 1 Peter 2:13, 18; and Hebrews 13:7, 17). And even if I didn’t know these scriptures, it’s hard for me to fathom choosing a church for my spiritual development and allowing those leaders to teach me from the pulpit, but not trusting them to help guide one of the biggest spiritual decisions of my life. But even with these women being typical strong black women and operating in a way foreign to me, I understand their move. They probably have had to make decisions on their own for so long and have encountered so many untrustworthy people, they simply did what they knew best—to be self-reliant.

They’ve encountered what the Bible calls talebearers, those who spread their business after they put their trust in these people. As a result, strife developed between them and the culprits, and the women suffered deep wounds. This has made them leery of people in general, but leaders in particular because of leaders’ job of guiding decisions and having to reveal “your business” to get you help if what you reveal will be harmful to you, minors or other vulnerable populations. And perhaps the leaders didn’t handle their business right. These women don’t want to be accountable to someone who they feel may harm them.

So often the strong black woman has made decisions without spiritual guidance because of untrustworthy leaders. This is a great dilemma but one that God has worked out for us: “It is better to trust God than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust God than to put confidence in princes” (Proverbs 118:8-9). Though He gives us people, especially leaders, to guide us, we must ultimately trust Him with the process He has given us. Though we must go to humans, as God’s representatives, we trust that God will speak to them and through them. And as the ultimate revealer of secrets, we must trust that God will reveal to us and our leaders what we need to live lives that give glory to Jesus Christ. This way of looking at trust is not easy, but it is better to trust God (His way) than to put confidence in man (our strong black selves).

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith