On Saturday, April 10, 2010, Equipped for Life, the radio broadcast of my church, Evangel Ministries in Detroit, hosted Answering the Challenge, the broadcast’s evangelistic outreach ministry, with the topic “The Questions of Homosexuality.” It was my church’s attempt to reach out to the homosexual community in a civil manner, particularly offering hope through Jesus Christ to those struggling with homosexuality and wanting to change. Love flowed through the sanctuary of heterosexuals and homosexuals who all had varied stories. The event organizer asked me to deliver a poem. I prayed that God would show me what message He wanted me to deliver. He gave me a piece from a lesbian’s point of view. The gay community, like no community, is not monolithic, so this poem is Just One Story,* the name of the piece:
He beat me
And I scrambled, not wishing to handle the situation ever so delicately
So others could see we were the perfect couple.
He beat me so I ran to her and she cared for me, again, like when he broke that bottle over my head
Said he wouldn’t do it anymore
But there WAS more
More of his insecurity
More of his seeing me as the enemy
His trying to control me
His love shown in excuses and apologies.
He said he wouldn’t do it anymore.
But there was always more.
More of his lies
My cries
His drinking and stinking up the place
My seeking an escape in tiny corners, the small space under the bed, the clothes closet, against a door, a wall, a window, underneath the kitchen table.
He was always able to charm me back to him.
But he beat me again.
So I ran to her
And she held me close
She took me in
She let me weep
She let me talk
She cleaned and bandaged my wounds.
I stayed.
Though I wondered if I should
Cuz I never thought loving her would be right
But I prayed in the small spaces that one day I wouldn’t have to explain my face:
The shut black eye
The red swollen lip
The deep cut cheek
The bleeding mouth
When I ran to her
she held me close
She took me in
She let me weep
She let me talk
She cleaned and bandaged my wounds.
I stayed.
No more beatings
No more pain
No more apologies and excuses
The love here is sane.
I don’t have to explain anything.
She just knows.
Now I know what love really is
I know it didn’t start right.
I’m not sure that it is right.
I know it just feels right.
I understand the fight for gay rights
I hope the whole country changes its mind
Sees this lifestyle, my lifestyle, as just fine.
I hope they do cuz it’s natural for me.
I’ve never known a love so true.
I’m really happy.
And I know that God would have me to be happy.
Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith
*Listen to this on my YouTube Channel (though it looks like a badly dubbed foreign movie. I’m working on getting the video right, but the sound is great.)