Tag Archives: Abuse

No Excuse for Abuse

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Some women just don’t know how to nurture their children. Yesterday I was sitting in my child’s second grade glass with other parents and children, including non-school age ones, when one baby, about 2 or 3, whined just a bit too much for his mom so she popped him. I don’t know where she hit him but I heard the sound and then him crying as he blinked huge tears from his eyes that begged her to hug him, love him, what seemed like what his whining was about in the first place. She ignored his little brown face that beckoned to be kissed and for tears to be wiped away. Instead, she dismissed him to go with his older sister so she could nurture him instead.

As we observe domestic violence awareness month, with a particular emphasis on women, I don’t want us to forget the children. Granted, it’s hard to separate the focus on children when you are speaking about women who suffer abuse. Many times children experience abuse at the hands of their mother’s abusers. If they don’t suffer physical abuse, watching their mother suffer results in their arrested psychological, emotional, and social development among other stagnations. But my focus for this post is not physical violence against children at the hands of their fathers or mothers’ boyfriends but is on spiritual abuse against children at the hands of their own mothers.

With the broad definition of abuse being the improper treatment of somebody, especially on a consistent basis, I find that Christian mothers spiritually abuse their children when they don’t teach them spiritual principles to help them develop into healthy Christ-like human beings. Their children are bound to mirror the world’s ways that say the best success is financial and material gain. This spiritual abuse happens because some women simply don’t know what to do. Well, my women’s pastor, Renee M. Carr of Detroit’s Evangel Ministries, gives the first step that’s necessary to spiritually nurturing children: having what she calls “maternal vision.”

Maternal vision is to perceive by any of your senses what must be done with your child; to have regard for and to cherish them. In other words, you must be able to see what your child can become and, therefore, understand what needs to be done to help him or her to get there. Or in the negative sense, prevent him or her from getting there. God has wonderful plans in store for your children and Satan has diabolical ones. It’s our job as mothers to have maternal vision so we bring God’s plan to fruition and frustrate Satan’s devices so we nurture spiritually healthy children. We must see what type of parent, employer or employee, and friend they can become. We must see what type of moral agent they can become. In essence, we must see how God would have them impact the world. Begin to pray that God will open your eyes and other senses so you see His and Satan’s plans for your child so you can begin to develop a plan to spiritually nurture your child with precision.

In the next few posts, I plan to discuss more of Pastor Carr’s maternal vision, including how to get it and once you get it, what needs to be done to put it in motion. Stay tuned.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Inconvenient Children

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Some months ago my friend Renee was telling me that I must watch “La Vie en Rose,” the tragic biopic of French chanteuse Edith Piaf. She went on describe that this heartwrenching tale would grip my soul and make me want to pity and rescue Edith from the brothel, street and circus (literally and figuratively) life she lived throughout her life. I watched the movie this morning. Shuffled from parent to parent and place to place for convenience sake, I found myself crying for Edith, for the millions of abandoned and unwanted children worldwide and even for my own. I say my own because in my own way of not wanting to be inconvenienced (I planned to do this, but the baby demands my attention, and I resent him this moment), I communicate I don’t want him. I don’t want him to bother me right now; I don’t want him to change my plans; I don’t want him to mess up my day; I don’t want him to keep me from my goals; I don’t like that he changed my life.

My sister told me that there were some mothers on Oprah last week who felt a similar way. She said some of them ignored the cries, drank themselves numb and coped in some other ways. I didn’t see it or hear how the show ended, but I know how it ends for me. As a recovering strong black woman, God quickly showed me what my “small” thoughts of my children being an inconvenience can lead to; in my quiet time He led me to watch “La Vie en Rose,” and I know what He wanted me to see: the negative effect of neglect on a child’s life, no matter how small or lengthy, how quiet or loud. He wanted me to understand that the impact could be tragic, and I don’t want to be blamed for that.

Of course I have long understood the negative impact of neglect, but I’m not always aware of how my passing thoughts of discontent land, connect, and create a massive rumbling in my mind that occasionally displays as a cold stare, harsh words or huge huffs and sighs. I cannot love my children and care for them myself; I need the Lord. I have to remember that children are a heritage from the Lord and a reward from Him (Psalm 127:3). Through Him I can love and care for them selflessly and not tragically. I must remember His sacrifice of Jesus Christ and make that sacrifice my own. Lay down my life to perfect the lives of others, my children. God has given me the power through His Holy Spirit. I will tap into that power be the armor bearer God has called me to be. Listen to exactly what I mean.

Armor Bearer

Copyright by Rhonda J. Smith 2009

Abusing Authority

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“So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all” (Mark 10:42-44 NLT).

“I don’t want no silly women,” I remember one of my early spiritual mentors saying during a women’s service. She went on to talk about women sitting around cackling and being clueless about how to serve in God’s kingdom. A hush fell on the room, as if every woman was contemplating if she was a silly woman. My mentor had the power and authority to challenge us: she was our pastor and she spoke biblically (2 Timothy 3:1-7). I understood what she was saying, and I was with her. I even started adding items in my mind: “And yeah, don’t be no weak, wimpy, whiny woman.” We have to be strong in order to take God’s kingdom by force and snatch people from the gates of hell. But while we need to be strong in the power and authority of Christ, and we need to tell that to those we’re leading, we have to be careful how we tell them (in what voice tone) and how we get them to act upon what we tell them (with what persuasive methods).

As we continue to talk about control we must find a balance. The balance is not just between taking your rightful place with the authority and power Christ has given you and taking someone else’s place. We also have to contemplate how we are exercising the authority that we have been given. Any leader, whether spiritual or secular, in the workplace or in the home, has to lead in an encouraging way, even if the words themselves cut like a sword (Hebrews 4:12; Proverbs 27:6). Threatening tactics, like loss of position if your personal needs aren’t met; telling or implying to followers that you are their only authority; or speaking harshly because you think your position allows you to, are simply abuse. Let it not be said that you are abusive and call yourself a strong black woman. Abusing authority is just as bad as taking someone else’s authority and that gives God and women who are strong in the Lord a bad name.

Copyright 2009 By Rhonda J. Smith