Category Archives: Women

Black Women Under the Microscope

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Image from the controversial Pepsi Superbowl commercial

What Do You Think? Wednesday

Satoshi Kanazawa, the psychologist who posited that black women are less attractive than all other women, faces possibly losing his job because of his article that presented these “findings.” His is just the latest in a string of commentaries that have discussed what’s wrong with the black woman. Whether it’s our looks, spending habits, marital status or attitudes, we frequently have been under the media microscope over the last few years.

What do you think about this? Do you feel like a lab rat? Do you feel it necessary to respond to the negative onslaught? How do you respond? As a Christian, what type of response do you think we should have?

I can’t wait to hear from you.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

I Can’t Do This

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What Do You Think? Wednesday

In the early morning hours trying to put me and some projects to bed I told God “I can’t do this” as I folded laundry while I waited for double-sided papers to come through the printer. This was 2 a.m. when I was still organizing activities so my expanding writing and speaking ministry fit with my ever so steady wife and mommy ministry. Holding up a towel, I said, “I’m good doing this. I can do this. I know how to do this.” Then in my spirit I knew that was the problem. I’m comfortable in my homemaking role and that of supporting my husband and caring for my children. This I have done full-time for five and a half years, the last three with very little outside of the home ministry. But God has shifted me and I feel that shift in my spirit. I know it’s time to move beyond my walls and blog; I have to follow God’s call, even—especially—when it seems impossible. He operates there, wanting His strength to be made perfect in our weakness so we know just who did what we did (2 Corinthians 12:9). I exist for God’s glory (Revelation 4:11). I must follow His story for my life. How about you?

In what ways have you been hesitant to move beyond your comfort zone and into the greater things God has for you?

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

A Safe Place

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What Do You Think? Wednesdays

The other day my sister and I were talking about what makes non-church going folks say “I have to get myself together” and “I don’t have nothing to wear” before they can come to church. Sometimes they claim these are barriers because they want to keep on living the way they’re living, but sometimes they really do think self-help and a Sunday best wardrobe are what they need. Where did they get these notions? I believe folks in the church have created these barriers, ridiculous preconditions that have nothing to do with the soul-saving power of Jesus Christ and the transforming work that He can continually do in our lives. We don’t have the power to get ourselves together and we can never dress up our pain and confusion. But non-church going folks think so, and others, especially we strong black women, do, too.

Our legacy of strength makes us believe we have to keep ourselves together, never falling apart, never exposing ourselves to the church, the body of Christ, our family, fitly joined together to meet everyone’s needs (Ephesians 4:16). This includes OUR needs. We don’t get help in the church because we don’t want to expose ourselves and, unfortunately, churches don’t want us exposing ourselves. They need us to keep it together to run the ministries we run and some leaders just don’t know how to minister to us. The façade is easier, but no one can play these roles forever. We eventually fall apart in a farther gone place because of too few safe spaces like this website that are so prevalent outside the church. I thank God for my church’s counseling ministry that even has designated times to just walk-in and see a counselor. We even have intimate classes for women taught by strong biblical women. Besides offering these ministries and other sermon-styled women’s ministry functions (that usually don’t allow for transparency and intimacy), what does your church do or what do you think the church needs to do to create safe places for hurting women who think they need to mask their pain? As always, I look forward to hearing from you.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

Get Some Help

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Some places I just don’t go emotionally. For me they are like taking back alley bike rides: They seem convenient but the potential problems keep me from going there. When I was a bundle of nerves and confusion the other week, I knew I needed to rethink my emotional bike ride theory and figure out how to seek and receive a safe path, whether convenient or not. My problem was I just didn’t know HOW to do that. I don’t have a problem being honest with my feelings, but usually when I am most folks don’t know what to do with what I share. As my friend Carla said, even though I am a recovering strong black woman, people see me as having it all together and don’t usually ask if I need any help; they assume I have it all together. So between folks not knowing how to advise me or assuming I don’t need advice and me not knowing how to get help, I don’t get or expect much help. This doesn’t mean I don’t need or want help; I do. After talking with Carla, I understood what recovering strong black women and their friends can do to get them the help they need:

Strong Black Women

  • Confess what you’re going through.

    • Even though you may not have gotten help in the past, you don’t know what your confession may yield you. When I told Carla how I felt, she didn’t have anything to offer me in that moment but later she apologized for not asking me if I were okay. She then gave me permission to interrupt her talking about her so we can talk about me.

  • Talk it out.

    • If you are like me you may know that you need help but just not sure what you need. If you talk it out, you may discover what you need to ask for.

  • Ask your friends to let you talk.

    • People who have strong black women as friends take for granted that these friends are supposed to hear all their problems. This is the typical nature of the friendship so you have to speak up for yourself.

  • Know that your friends want to help you.

    • They usually are so grateful for all you’ve done for them that they are willing to help you or work hard to get you the help you need.

    Friends

  • Ask.

    • Make sure to ask your strong black women friends what they are going through. Don’t assume they have it all together.

  • Listen to them.

    • After you ask your friends what’s going on, LISTEN to them. We’ve all had people ask us how we are doing and when we’re honest they don’t even acknowledge what we’ve said but go on to the next subject. Don’t do that. Even if you don’t have advice to offer, at least pray for them in that moment.

  • Seek God.

    • Let Him show you HOW to help your strong black women friends. Even though they may be the ones who usually dispense the advice, God can use you to help them too.

    God means for our relationships to be reciprocal for healing to take place. Let’s do our parts so we can be healed (James 5:16).

    How have you been guilty of not seeking or offering help?

    Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Aborting and Shaming Mamas

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    What Do You Think? Wednesdays. That’s what I think I’ll call this day that I have used to pose ideas for you to ponder. Today, the first Wednesday in Women’s History Month, deals with mamas. I guess it’s that kind of week. Unlike my Monday post, that highlighted a phenomenal mother, the following anti-abortion ad and fed-up mama video challenge the mothering instincts of women, the first one directly aimed at African American women.

    Bad grades land teen on street corner: MyFoxTAMPABAY.com

    What do you think of each, especially in light of Scripture? Here are a few verses to consider:

    “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5).

    “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:1-2).

    “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away” (2 Timothy 3:1-5).

    “Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death” (Proverbs 19:18).

    “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24).

    “A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him” (Proverbs 17:25).

    “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

    I look forward to hearing your thoughts. You can read some of mine in the comments section here.

    Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith