Category Archives: Sisterhood

Showstoppers

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I got the news and knew just who to call: Some old, some new, all good girlfriends, no one who would shout about their lives or sink—be envious—in the midst of my news. They truly could embrace my news and celebrate with me. This can be rare among strong black women, even those recovering strong black women who seek to follow Christ in all aspects of their lives. For them, it can be the fight to see who can get the most folks to delight in them. The war is for the title of the strongest strong black woman, and as they see it, always being on top is the way to this top title. But some folks, like my circle of friends and the superstars I saw Friday, know differently.

Like good girlfriends, three powerhouse singers, Dianne Reeves, Angelique Kidjo and Lizz Wright, graced the stage on Friday at the Detroit Jazz Festival with their show “Sing the Truth,” a tribute to their songstress foremothers and other revolutionary singers. Each freely gave praise and the stage to each other. These superstar sisters didn’t seek to outshine but frequently and easily deferred to one another. They were all showstoppers but none tried to be a show stealer, seeming to feel quite comfortable in their God-given skin.

Check out their video below and make sure to let me know what your experiences have been like with other strong women. You know I want to know, “What do you think?”

Freedom of Partnerships

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Photo credit: InMagine.com

Flynn left the kids and me, just for a week but I got a GLIMPSE of single motherhood. I say a GLIMPSE because I knew, Lord willing, my husband would return after a ministry conference and be there again to partner with me in parenting. Also, my time with my sons was them being with me; I didn’t have to work outside the home like most single mothers do. It was only my job temporarily to physically provide for my children’s wants and needs and I did so with God’s grace. We had a great time at the drive-in movie theater, watching our city’s fireworks display, running around the playground, going to the library and having dinner with family friends. On a few outings I was alone with them. On two others I was with my single-for-the-week sister and her children and my-single-for-the-week friend and her daughter (Both their husbands were out of town, too). We have always respected single mothers, but our GLIMPSE into that sisterhood helped us appreciate them more AND cherish the freedom that can come with being married to men who take their fatherhood as seriously as we take our motherhood. Though we are bound by marriage (1 Corinthians 7:33, 39) our fatherhood-engaged husbands allow us to disengage from motherhood from time to time. For this reason, I encouraged Flynn to go away and basked in his return.

My dynamic with Flynn got me thinking about the freedom we have in healthy life partnerships—those we have in marriage, in friendship and with biological and spiritual families. Do we take these for granted or do we avoid them, knowing someone’s freedom in the partnership may at times mean for us a burden, one that we are unwilling to carry? As we celebrate our country’s freedom to self-govern, I want us to honor the freedom that healthy partnerships bring to our lives, those God-ordained relationships that the Bible speaks so clearly of. We must help one another, seek to refresh others so that we, too, might be refreshed (Proverbs 11:25). This is a path to our freedom that followers of Christ must lovingly take to benefit us all. Let us seek and celebrate the freedoms we have in Christ (John 8:32, 36; Romans 6:18-23, 8; Galatians 4-5:1, 16).

My One Thousand Gifts List

#121-130
Milk to nurse Justus
The children loving love
Flynn initiating prayer with the family before he and Joshua left for the day (and though they were running late)
God showing me that I’m not satisfied satisfying Him
Supplies for Joshua’s Black History Month project
Working with Joshua on his Black History Month project
Joshua wanting me to sleep with and Nate
Joshua not wanting me to leave his room
Impressing me to apologize to Joshua for hurting his feelings
Floyd taking Joshua to his piano lesson

Memorializing Martyrs

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Some complain about our country with its racist roots and more

Calling it the Untied States, systems unraveling to their core

But there’s no place that I’d rather be

Men and women fighting for me to be free

To challenge our leaders

Speak the truth as I see it according to my Holy Book

And not have to sneak to take a look

Or meet for church in hidden nooks

Or praise Jesus’ name in clandestine language

Or preach the Gospel and put in the slammer.

Freedom costs and United States soldiers have paid the price

Thousands martyred for my life of choices.

I honor them today for my physical and spiritual freedom

Making it easier to share the love of Jesus

His coming and living and dying for the sins of mankind

He was the ultimate sacrifice, perfect and martyred for our kind:

Murderers, gossips, ultra-loose whores

Low-down and same-sex lovers whatever our sin was (is)

Jesus died that we might be free

From low living and soul giving—drained.

I’m grateful.

I no longer have to live low or give my soul away.

Yes, thank you, Jesus.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

My One Thousand Gifts List

#71-80
A desire to eat more live foods
A hug from Joshua
Time spent with Charyse
Charyse and I agreeing to study “One Thousand Gifts”
Prayer for my mother
Another year for Flynn
The ability to hear Nate in the middle of the night
A toilet to use
Clean, running water to bathe in
A tub to wash in

Get Some Help

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Some places I just don’t go emotionally. For me they are like taking back alley bike rides: They seem convenient but the potential problems keep me from going there. When I was a bundle of nerves and confusion the other week, I knew I needed to rethink my emotional bike ride theory and figure out how to seek and receive a safe path, whether convenient or not. My problem was I just didn’t know HOW to do that. I don’t have a problem being honest with my feelings, but usually when I am most folks don’t know what to do with what I share. As my friend Carla said, even though I am a recovering strong black woman, people see me as having it all together and don’t usually ask if I need any help; they assume I have it all together. So between folks not knowing how to advise me or assuming I don’t need advice and me not knowing how to get help, I don’t get or expect much help. This doesn’t mean I don’t need or want help; I do. After talking with Carla, I understood what recovering strong black women and their friends can do to get them the help they need:

Strong Black Women

  • Confess what you’re going through.

    • Even though you may not have gotten help in the past, you don’t know what your confession may yield you. When I told Carla how I felt, she didn’t have anything to offer me in that moment but later she apologized for not asking me if I were okay. She then gave me permission to interrupt her talking about her so we can talk about me.

  • Talk it out.

    • If you are like me you may know that you need help but just not sure what you need. If you talk it out, you may discover what you need to ask for.

  • Ask your friends to let you talk.

    • People who have strong black women as friends take for granted that these friends are supposed to hear all their problems. This is the typical nature of the friendship so you have to speak up for yourself.

  • Know that your friends want to help you.

    • They usually are so grateful for all you’ve done for them that they are willing to help you or work hard to get you the help you need.

    Friends

  • Ask.

    • Make sure to ask your strong black women friends what they are going through. Don’t assume they have it all together.

  • Listen to them.

    • After you ask your friends what’s going on, LISTEN to them. We’ve all had people ask us how we are doing and when we’re honest they don’t even acknowledge what we’ve said but go on to the next subject. Don’t do that. Even if you don’t have advice to offer, at least pray for them in that moment.

  • Seek God.

    • Let Him show you HOW to help your strong black women friends. Even though they may be the ones who usually dispense the advice, God can use you to help them too.

    God means for our relationships to be reciprocal for healing to take place. Let’s do our parts so we can be healed (James 5:16).

    How have you been guilty of not seeking or offering help?

    Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

    The Feast

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    Our Ethiopian Feast-Before


    Our Ethiopian Feast-After

    We came together to feast, me and a former cop and soldier now mother and multiple business owner; an office manager and former divorced mother of three big boys, now a married mom of four; a former entrepreneur turned married homeschooling mom of six; a rapper who showcased skills on 106 and Park who now sparks the spiritual into the secular; and an engineer married to an engineer and mom of a boy and girl. We came together to feast, all ministry leaders and me the top ministry leader leading them into something different, something good, and they ate it up, this, my favorite, Ethiopian food that none had tried and one didn’t like after having the same four times before.

    Throwing Down

    We feasted on something different, food never touching their palates, food transforming their palates into something new. We, a table of used to be’s and wanna be’s now wanting to be whatever Jesus wants us to be and we are open. We are willing to consume the feast He has for us, no matter how different or how many times we did or didn’t like it, we will try, knowing it could even be yummy like our Ethiopian meal.

    Standing: Taivia; Nicole, Charyse and Chevelle; Seated: Helena & Me

    Copyright 2010 by Rhonda J. Smith