Category Archives: Recovery

Strong Black Woman Reengineered

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For the last few years, our world has heard a lot about genetic engineering, taking genes from people to control what features a baby has, thus creating designer children. The above video talks about this, particularly having a third person’s genes added to the normal two person mix; the genes of this third person would help to create a baby that would be able to pass the third person’s genes down to the next generation. The narrator’s outcry is that this genetic engineering (or reengineering, as I see it) hardly made news, though this type of engineering has been going on for years.

I understand his outcry because genetic engineering has been going on for years in the Christian community and this hardly makes news. See, when that third person of the Holy Spirit comes to dwell inside a person, everyone should hear about this new life, this different life, for years after the change has come about. But for too many Christians we talk about the change for a brief season and then resume the behavior of our former, more familiar lives. Christians should make it consistently clear that we have been reengineered, not at the hands of man but by the hands of an all mighty God. We have the power to influence the next generation with our new lives. So shall it be for the reengineered strong black woman. This will be a woman who will unmistakably know that she has third party genes and will attribute all of her greatness to these genes. Her walk will be new, her talk will be new, she will look new, she will be new, and the next generation would want to be new because of her. Everyone will take notice of this good news, that her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has enabled her to be a strong black woman reengineered.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Spiritual Good for Nothing

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I don’t have a problem with all of feminists’ work, because women need to be treated humanely. I don’t have a problem with the Afrocentrists’ fight, because race should be recognized not idealized. And I don’t have a problem with making money and reaching social status, because money and connections can help to establish God’s kingdom on earth. The problem I have is not with various causes that women who identify as strong black women engage in; I just have a problem when these causes seem to be more about humanity than divinity, more about what we can do and not what He can do, about the need to please man and not please God, to bring ourselves glory and not glory to Jesus Christ. This is what drives this blog and has been the basis for a book of the same subject matter that I have been tweaking for almost 10 years.

It’s taken about 10 years because when I started I was a young strong black woman who got a taste of recovery and wanted to wag her finger at everyone who hadn’t yet sought to be healed. Older now—and understanding that I have not arrived (thus still being in recovery), I am wiser now and know the road is slow and steady and takes a chisel to reshape the self-defined strong black woman. I heard a preacher yesterday challenge Christians to not “be a spiritual good for nothing.” He derived this phrase from what “bad” means in 2 Corinthians 5:10: “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things [done] in [his] body, according to that he hath done, whether [it be] good or bad.” This bad is not evil deeds for the Christian because our sin was judged when Jesus died on the cross for our sins. This bad for us is worthless acts, doing things humans deem good, but they have no spiritual value. In other words, you’re involved in causes that don’t bring God glory but bring man glory. You are being a spiritual good for nothing.

Before getting involved with anything, we must always ask ourselves, “What are my motives behind this mission?” Answering this question should help us steer away from our desires to please man and only seek to please God. For the first six months of this blog, I have cited several areas where I have gone wrong seeking to be the world’s standard of a strong black woman. These insights gave little if any solutions. For the next six months or so, I will attempt to reexamine these issues and give way to solutions. In the next two blogs or so I intend to give you direction for this new framework that I’m calling “The Strong Black Woman: Re-imagined and Reengineered.”

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Reasons for a Strong Black Woman to Skip Town

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Pride has been the theme these past few weeks, and as you know maintaining pride can wear you out and make you act crazy when you realize the cost of maintaining it. So what’s a (recovering) strong black woman to do when she finds herself at her wits end? Skip town, of course:

    1. So she remains in recovery and won’t kill her kids.
    2. So her husband or boyfriend will still like her.
    3. So her friends remain her friends.
    4. So she maintains her brilliance.
    5. So she won’t curse out her boss.
    6. So she remains sane.
    7. So she won’t neglect important commitments.
    8. So she won’t go into permanent seclusion.
    9. So she doesn’t lose her Christian testimony.
    10. So God will be proud that she decided to refresh herself so she wouldn’t lose her Christian testimony.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Pride is a Mother

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Pride is a mother, and if you don’t disown her you will forever be a momma’s girl with “no ugly friends.” This is the conclusion I came to years after one of my closest friends reported to us, her girls, that she told a relative “I don’t have no ugly friends.” This was about 15 years ago when we were young, fly and high on ourselves. Though I wasn’t the one to say it, the glory of having attractive friends remained in my heart. I thought of what made them cute: genetics played a big part, and then their hair, clothes, makeup and other assets added to their beauty. And they were fun to be around, but I never attributed this to their beauty. Nor did I count their wit, intelligence, kindheartedness or “breaking their back” for you style to their beauty. Now, I always recognized my sisters’ internal qualities, but these weren’t foremost in my mind. I never considered myself shallow. But after my friend made the “no ugly friends” comment, I found myself internalizing it when I was with them. When we went out, I found myself smiling a bit more, sticking my chest out and looking around to see who was looking at us. We had careers, cars, clothes, and nice homes, and we looked good. I was proud.

As I reflect on how I felt, I realize that I was being shallow, though never blatantly so. But does it matter that my friendship pride wasn’t blatant? Isn’t what matters is that I was prideful at all? I thank God that He transformed me to look more at people’s inner beauty that seemed to give them so much outer beauty. I don’t remember exactly when this began in me, but about 10 years ago I met a stay-at-home mom, with a crisp and clean outdated dress, neat home-styled hair and a peaceful smile that said “I am content.” She may not have looked the strong black woman part, but she walked it because she was sure about herself, and it wasn’t because of her outward appearance. She knew that she was beautiful and she beamed it so (1 Peter 3:3-5).

After meeting her was when I knew I wanted to be different, not dress or wear my hair like hers, but to act like her in spite of my clothes and hair. I wanted to greater emphasize the eternal and not the external and get my friends to do the same. The road is still a challenge as I seek to disown pride, become a Daddy’s girl and rejoice in my friends no matter how they look. The big switch truly is easier as I seek to let Christ reign in and shine through me.