Category Archives: Recovery

Rid Your Slanderous Talk, Part 1

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Harsh words may have been our way, but as the previous two posts on slander have shown, this is not the way we should be. For so many of us—black women in America, fighting back and proactively countering inevitable sexist and racists attacks, slander has been a way of life. Fighting with harsh words may the American way, but as Christian women we must choose God’s way. Here’s what He says:

Recognize the difficulty in taming your tongue (James 3:7-8)—We are told, “For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; [it is] an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” This is a fact that we must accept.

Call on God for help (Psalm 107)—Once you recognize your difficulty of taming your tongue, seek God’s help. He tells us how hard it is for us to tame our tongue, yet requires that we do so. James 3 tells us that the remedy for taming the tongue is to use “the meekness of wisdom” (v. 13), giving someone sound guidance in a gentle manner. The only way that we can do so is with God’s help because wisdom is not natural to us; it comes from God (Isaiah 11:2). Don’t quench His help (1 Thessalonians 5:19); pursue it.

Be meek (Titus 3:2)—I have friends who are astonished at how I use grace with them. One knew me as Zorro; the other has given me free reign to tell whatever I need to tell her, but God still leads me to do so gently. This is because I know if I give myself license to slander, I may help her in the short run but in the long run she may be damaged. I don’t want to leave that to chance. She has given me the power to speak however I want, but I’d rather choose meekness, having my power under control, instead of railing on her.

There is so much more to say so stay tune for Monday’s part 2 installment.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Slander Hurts

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People used to call me Zorro because I could slash you with words and leave a mark to prove that I had done it. My words caused pain in the name of the truth, setting the record straight and getting someone told. I was not God fearing or holy. I wanted others to feel my wrath, and they did. I was a good Zorro, but I had to give up playing that part. The role hurt others and marred my reputation.

Even though I spoke the truth, I was wrong because my main intent was never to help but always to hurt; I wanted to expose others’ wrongs and make them feel bad while doing so. I never considered what I did as slander, but a close look at the Scriptures lets me know that’s what I was doing. The Hebrew word (Old Testament) for slander means whispering, defamation, evil report, and unfavorable saying, and the Greek word (New Testament) means to rail at, revile, speak reproachfully and to blaspheme. The New Testament phrase is often rendered “to be evil spoken of.” So slander could be lying or telling the truth. All lying about someone is slander. Lies, even well meaning ones, destroy integrity. The truth could be considered slander when you use truth to rail at or defame someone intentionally or unintentionally. The outcome of slander—whether done through lying or truth, intentionally or unintentionally, is always corruption. This is why Scripture warns us so many times to not slander and warns of the outcome (Exodus 20:16; 1 Tim. 3:8, 11; 2 Tim. 3:3; Titus 2:3). Simply put, if you slander just know that you

1) strengthen the works of evil doers (Exodus 23:1; Ezekiel 13:22);
2) associate yourself with Satan (John 8:44; Matt. 12:33, 7:17-18);
3) may endure God’s wrath (Psalm 101:7; Proverbs 19:5, 9; Malachi 3:5); and
4) reveal that you don’t (intimately) know God (Jeremiah 9:3-6).

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Will you continue to let your tongue thrust like a sword to strengthen the works of evil doers, associate yourself with Satan, endure God’s wrath and remain ignorant of God or will you choose to be wise to heal with your words? The choice is yours.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Pursuing Holiness

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My momma used to say something like this: “Watch who you hang with, where you go and what you do. Remember your reputation. You want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror when you wake up.” My momma’s words did help me to choose my friends wisely, for the most part (’cause y’all know I got some male scallywags that I want to remain in my closet). But as a maverick, I would go just about anywhere and try just about anything because I wanted to give the testimony and not hear from any witnesses. But the scars from this type of strong black woman existence are still with me, and I made up my mind that I have enough war wounds to share the course of another’s lifetime. My mother’s advice brought me a long way, but God’s Word is what now keeps me along my way.

I told you I wasn’t going to give you a list of do’s and don’ts, but I will list areas of holiness and some criteria that you should consider when accessing your involvement in these areas:

    • People you hang with (Friends)
    • Places you go (Facilities, like social gathering spots)
    • Pursuits you plan (Future, like a career and education goals
    and material items)
    • Passions you have (Fancies, like hobbies and community involvement)

As I searched the Scriptures (see below), what I find I could sum up as this: Because your friends have a great influence in your life, make sure you choose those who have your back, won’t gossip about you, try to influence you to do wrong, compete with you or think they are better than you, and will guide you away from places that have a reputation for being evil, help you pursue God’s will for your life and encourage you to find pleasure in God more than anything else. These are people seeking to walk in holiness and the type you should choose as friends. This is also the type of person you should seek to be as a friend. This is what I got from God’s Word. As you consider walking in holiness in relation to your friends, facilities, future and fancies, you probably won’t get anything much different than what I have summarized. But, please, let the scriptures govern your choices. Here are some to consider:

Friends: John 15:13; Proverbs 17:9; 1 Corinthians 15:33; Philippians 2:3;
2 Corinthians 6:14
Facilities: 1 Thessalonians 5:22
Future: 2 Corinthians 6:14; James 4:13-16
Fancies: 1 Timothy 6:8-10; 1 John 2:15-16

I am interested in hearing about your choice in friends, facilities, and future and fancies pursuits. Write me back so the conversation continues.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Understanding Holiness

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You ever been accused of acting holier than thou? Well, I have, maybe not quite in those words, but old friends have wondered why I don’t do what I used to do, go where I used to go and say what I used to say. “That’s just not what I do anymore. God has really changed me,” I say, playing it safe when really the response should be “I’m trying to live holy.” But that sounds so rigid, so legalistic, so holy. Nonetheless, holiness is what God calls us to. His call to holiness is not for us to think we’re better than others so we shun them, and it’s not to set us up for others to shun us. God says, “Be ye holy for I am holy” (1 Peter 1:16) to indicate to us why holiness is important.

Holiness is important because when you set yourself apart from what others are doing so God can use you, others will know that there is a power at work in your life other than you. When people acknowledge this power, we can’t just stop at saying, “God has really changed me.” We must give details about this change, to be a witness of the power of Jesus Christ in our lives. Holiness is to point others to Jesus Christ—not to you—so they have a relationship with God and can, too, walk in holiness. You are not the focus of holiness; God is the focus of holiness. “Be ye holy, for I am holy” is like God is saying, “In order for you to represent me to a world that needs the hope that only I can give, you must be like me.” 2 Corinthians 5:20 bears this out: “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” Others will be reconciled to God when we are holy, when we are the salt and light He tells us to be to an unsavory and dark world. We must be holy for our sakes, for the world’s sake, for Christ’s sake.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Holy Vision

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“I go to a sanctified church,” my neighbor Tommy would say, as he went to double beat clapping and alternate foot stomping while singing a song that his choir performed. “We be jammin’.” And as a girl I longed to go to his church to see his sanctified choir in action, but I knew I had to wear a long dress, and I didn’t have any long dresses, and it would also be hard for me to look somber like his plain-faced mother and sisters did. They looked so serious, I guess about God. I asked my mother what a sanctified church was and she told me about some of their practices, but all I remember is “the women have to wear long dresses and little or no makeup, especially red lipstick and nail polish.” As a young lover of fashion and makeup, I knew I couldn’t go to a sanctified church. I would have to settle for my Methodist one.

You may have heard of sanctified churches too, and maybe, like me, you thought they were a part of the sanctified denomination. But age and wisdom helped me to understand that there is no sanctified denomination and that all Christian churches should have sanctified, or holy, people, those whose hearts yearn to be like God.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that we are gods, with a little “g,” but God, through Jesus Christ, has called Christians to work in His behalf while we are on the earth (2 Corinthians 5:20). In order to do this, you have to set yourself apart from a human agenda and align yourself to God for His use. This is being sanctified (sanctification); this is being holy. This does have something to do with music, makeup and clothes because sanctification has everything to do with your behavior that emanates from a pure heart (1 Peter 1:13-23).

So the vision of a holy woman is one who exchanges her desires and other people’s agendas for her so she can clearly be aligned with Christ and able to accomplish His mission. Depending on the woman, this may affect your choice in music and the way you wear your makeup and clothes. Most likely your heart’s desire will demonstrate who has your attention—you and the world or God. But know this: sanctification is an ongoing process, one we don’t complete until we go to heaven. So be encouraged if you can’t seem to shake that hoochie in you; keep seeking God and eventually that hoochie will shake you loose.

By Rhonda J. Smith copyright 2009