Category Archives: Recovery

Practice Sexual Purity

Posted on by
Reply

I know being sexually pure is tough. After reading my two posts this week, many people have commented about their struggles in this area. And some people don’t think sexual purity is realistic. The argument is that God made us sexual beings, and we don’t have the capacity to abstain. Added to that, we live in a country with freedom of choice, and many of us want to exercise that choice with little or no restraint. We are even encouraged to do so. But even though sexual purity may be a struggle and we are sexual beings who have the freedom to choose, God wants us to choose to follow is will: to only have sex within the bounds of marriage between a man and a woman (Matthew 19:4-6). But how can this be done with seemingly so much against us?

Following are four do’s and don’ts to help you walk in sexual purity:

  • Do keep your mind on God’s Word (Psalm 119:11).

    • 1) Listen to it (Sermons, music, read it aloud).
    2) Study it.
    3) Post it.
    4) Meditate on it.
    5) Memorize it.

  • Don’t expose yourself to sensual materials (Books, television shows, advertisements, music, magazines, websites, conversations or movies). None of these has to be labeled pornography. If they have sexual triggers for you, don’t consume them (2 Timothy 2:16).
  • Do hang with spiritually-minded Christian people. This is not to say that you shouldn’t be around people with other values. The Apostle Paul says you would have to leave this world to do that (1 Corinthians 5:10). Just make sure your closest friends—those who you seek counsel from—are capable of giving you Godly wisdom, not just good old “common sense” (Psalm 1:1; Proverbs 19:21).
  • Don’t hang with unscrupulous people. You will eventually do what they do (1 Corinthians 15:33).
  • Do go to inspirational places like church and houses of accountable friends. Even at church and other places you go, like a concert, you have to make sure that the people or activities aren’t ones that will draw you in sexually. Church? I’m just sayin’ (Psalm 73:14-17).
  • Don’t go to shady places. If it’s underground, back alley or afterhours, chances are you might get into some trouble (Genesis 34).
  • Do keep busy. When you fill your life up with productive activities, you won’t have time to plan or commit sin.
  • Don’t have idle time. If you do, you will have plenty of time to plan and commit sin (1 Timothy 5:13).

    • Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Reasons for Sexual Purity

    Posted on by
    Reply

    Through the lips of a nervous smile, she could barely speak: “Would you pray for me about something I did that I regret. I had an abortion a few years ago and I regret it.” Her emotions gripped her now because of what she didn’t know then: Doing what you want with your body may make you feel in control, but because of sexual impurity there are so many consequences that may haunt you for years to come. To wear the badge of strong black woman, so many of us have believed the lie that we are in control of our own bodies, but those bodies then begin to betray that notion in several ways:

    ? Death may come.

      1) This could be a physical death—for you by way of a disease like AIDS, or your baby by way of an abortion for not wanting a child with someone you just slept with (1 Corinthians 10:8);
      2) an emotional death—by way of feeling unfulfilled after the sexual act and shame because your sexual partner now disrespects you or you disrespect yourself (2 Samuel 13:1-20); or
      3) a spiritual death—by way of a disconnection from God and other believers because of your disobedience (Romans 1:24-32, 1 Corinthians 5).

    ? You will have an unnatural attachment. Because sex is God’s way of connecting you spiritually to your spouse, having sex outside of marriage still connects you with the person you sleep with (1 Corinthians 6:15-20). You, therefore, may long to be with or even have stalker-like tendencies toward your “unlawful husband.”

    ? You may damage your reputation. Some of you may be discreet with your stuff, but it will catch up with you eventually (1 Corinthians 4:5). As a woman, you may not be deemed marriage material (“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”); as a Christian, you lose your testimony as a credible witness for God’s kingdom because you act like everybody else; and as a mother, “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t work. Your children are likely to mimic your illicit behavior (John 4:16-18, 1 Corinthians 9:27).

    ? You will likely have “baby mama drama.” This may be because you’re trying to get him to take responsibility of the kids you two had or his new girlfriend despises you or you despise her (Genesis 16:1-5).

    I’m not insensitive to believe that these results only come to those who initiate sexual impurity. Like me, some of you may have been raped and had to deal with these deaths because of someone else’s impurity. Hear what I’m saying though: whether likely participant or victim, God has given us a choice: “I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19). If you can participate in illicit sex, don’t. Save yourself from unnecessary death and drama. Choose life. If you are a victim, choose life through Jesus and the resources that he provides for healing.

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Be Pure

    Posted on by
    Reply

    From as early as I can remember I’ve been driven to do what I feel is right: As a toddler I never crawled, just decided to walk one day; In elementary school, I befriended the lonely and didn’t let bullies bully me; In junior high, I refused to suck up to the most popular girl who sought to strip my dignity and win my friends; In high school, I dared to run for class office against the most popular girl; In college, I led my peers to defend the homeless and conducted personal crusades on their behalf; and post graduate and beyond, I’ve made it my business to tell it like it is about race and gender inequalities. These weren’t bad things, but they all stemmed from an independent spirit. And an independent spirit is great when it allows you to be free from trying to please people, to do the right thing. But when you are free from trying to please God to do your own thing, that’s when chaos begins.

    Chaos for me began when my free spirit was coupled with an early exposure to illicit sex. From about 9 to early adulthood, self pleasure was a favorite pastime, at 16 my virginity was loss (at my initiating), and throughout early adulthood, I did most of what my body desired. As a strong black woman, I thought it was my prerogative to “make love” to men I wasn’t married to, watch illicit movies, and hang out at seedy places with unscrupulous people. Few suspected my impurity, with two of my closest friends in college ridiculing me for being “a prude.” Private I was; prudish I was not and this caused an ultimate tragedy for me—getting burned.

    Even though I wasn’t saved, the results of my illicit acts helped me to see why God commands purity for His people (Colossians 3:5-6). Sexual purity is rendered fornication in the Bible and means to have sex outside of the marital bond to whom God declares you can marry (one man to one woman). Engaging within the bond of marriage can be challenging enough in itself. Operating outside of God’s commands inevitably brings consequences you don’t want and shouldn’t have to handle. Truly, it is best to flee fornication and rid yourself of the notion that you are free to do whatever you want because you are grown (1 Corinthians 6:18). If you don’t, assured destruction is on the way.

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Practice Teaching Good

    Posted on by
    2

    Teach good things—standards from the Bible—so there will be peace with God and peace with men. That’s too simplistic, was what I suspected the naysayers would say about the premise of what I wrote on Wednesday. I can understand how they would say that, looking at the complexity of issues the world faces today, understanding and recognizing man’s sinful nature and acts, understanding and recognizing their own sinful nature and acts, and seeing that the mess of a world we live in was not created in one day. This type of reasoning is easy to understand when we only focus on the mess we see and not focus on the God who can redeem the mess. He is where our focus must be. Otherwise, we are defeated before we even begin to teach anything good.

    God is all powerful, all knowing and all seeing. His power resides in believers of Jesus Christ, and being obedient to His Word effectuates His power through us. His power is what created the universe, parted the Red Sea, raised Jesus from the dead, keeps me from abusing my children and cussing out my husband and restrains me from other sinful desires. We must recognize His power in us. Otherwise, we are defeated before we even begin to teach anything good.

    So go forth in confidence to model what you want mimicked. We know that if we are around anyone long enough we pick up on each other’s characteristics. There was a season where my friends and I laughed alike, not because we were cultish, but we subconsciously influenced each other, constantly being together. And there are times when I wonder where my children get the phrases they say; then I find my husband and me saying them and realize they have picked them up from us. So do and say what you want repeated:

    1) Exhibit the 10 Commandments.
    2) Display the Fruit of the Spirit.
    3) Develop practical lessons based on the 10 Commandments and Fruit of the Spirit and teach them. Have bible study with your children. Share your findings with your friends. Offer to host a Bible Study with neighbors or coworkers. Get an accountability partner to encourage your walk. This is doable.

    These provide a good starting point because they are the basics and the basis for expected Christian behavior. You will be copied whether you want to or not, and even those who are skeptical about the power of God’s Word will pause to see how your life is different and think twice about their doubts. They may even decide to want Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior and join you in the fight to bring about peace with God and peace with men.

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

    Teacher of Good

    Posted on by
    Reply

    I don’t think most Christian women who want to do God’s will set out to teach their children or anybody else something wrong, yet Scripture commands for us to be a “teacher of good things” (Titus 2:4). Why would God take the time to command this? As with the patterns of other scriptures (think the 10 Commandments), it seems God knew our tendency would be the opposite of the command. He had to tell us not to worship any other god beside Him because He knows we’re prone to idolize things. We are told not to covet because our desires often fall on others’ stuff instead of with what He gives us. Our tendency is to seek what we want. We like self-gratification and what better way to be gratified than to see yourself and what you like to do in another person? Admit it. You may even get pleasure out of those who hate on you by trying to be you. Whether through imparting similarities or someone trying to be like you, it’s like having a double portion of your desires manifested. God wants replication, but He just wants it for the right reason (to give Him glory) and according to the Bible (His direction).

    Some good things He tells women to teach are what I will discuss in detail in coming blogs (Titus 2:3-5). Let me add to that the basics that I think we’ve gotten away from: The 10 Commandments which are summed up in two: love God and love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-40). This is the focus this week. This, I believe, is what we need, and not self-styled mini-me’s.

    Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith