Category Archives: Recovery

Know What's at the Gate

Posted on by
Reply

This is the first year that my oldest son will be attending a public school. My husband and I educated him at home for preschool and the first two years of elementary school. I had relatives and friends who questioned the merit of our decision to home school. Because I took my job as a gatekeeper seriously, I didn’t let people’s opinions deter me from doing what I knew we were called to do. Now that he will be attending a public school, I still am not allowing people’s contrary opinions to deter me from putting my son where I know God would have him to be.

To be an effective gatekeeper, you must know how to keep the good in and the bad out.

Know the expectations—The Word of God tells us how to live. Therefore, set family goals based on the commands of scripture for husbands, wives, and children. Not only have individual goals, but create ones for the family to meet together. For example, to fulfill take care of the poor, twice a month the family could prepare and deliver a meal to a family in need (Psalms 82:3-4, Proverbs 31:9).

Pray and fast—You need spiritual insight to direct you through what you see and don’t see. There is always a war going on in the spiritual realm that we cannot see, but God sees and directs our steps (2 Kings 6:15-17; Ephesians 6:12 and Proverbs 16:9). There are also things that God will reveal to us in the natural through prayer and fasting. And then there are those issues we observe with our own eyes. Whatever is revealed or not revealed, we still need God to direct us so we guard the gate appropriately to defeat the enemy and protect our family.

Filter entertainment—What the world rates as acceptable family entertainment many times goes against goals a Christian family may have. For instance, my children can’t watch The Flintstones or Popeye because of the sexist (both) and objectifying (Popeye) behavior in them. Sponge Bob is off limits because it’s crude. And media with gratuitous sex, violence and bad language are off limits, not just for the children, but also for me and my husband. We had to avoid two constant household favorites—The Sopranos and Sex in the City—before their series ended. I still have to make sure not to linger too long at the video section at the library so I’m not tempted to rent what I missed (1 Corinthians 15:33).

Assess family and friends—There is a saying, “Everyone who’s blood is not relative.” As a gatekeeper, you need to know which relatives are relative to your spiritual growth and which are not. Based upon your family’s goals, you know what the limits are of interaction with certain family members. Maybe the family members that like to get drunk and talk trash start cutting loose at the end of the family gathering. Make sure you come early and leave around “pumpkin time.” As for friends, the ones challenging you to do opposite of what you know to be right should be eliminated or kept at a distance. To help your children in this area, make sure you interact with families who have similar goals for their children and expose them to activities with goals that meet, or at least don’t contradict, your family’s goals.

Choose solid spiritual connections—Attend a Bible-believing church and hook up with Christian groups that have similar interests (like a book club, sports league or quilting bee). These are great ways to stay encouraged and focused on your goals.

When you have a plan, you can fulfill the job of gatekeeper and lead your family to the best God has for them.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Women as Gatekeepers

Posted on by
Reply

When I enter some people’s homes, I just know that I can kick my shoes off, sit in their living room or eat a meal. Immediately I feel comfortable there because the home just oozes hospitality. This is due in large part to the women of these homes, who make it their business to provide comfort for their families and all who enter their doors. They know the traditional meaning of being a keeper of the home, but being a keeper goes beyond the physical and into the spiritual realm.

Remember that the phrase keeper at home comes from the root word meaning “a guard, be “ware,” and a key definition is the (watch or) keeper of the house. We get insight into this phrase when we consider the Old Testament role of the temple gatekeepers (1 Chronicles 9:23-32). These gatekeepers, or porters, guarded the temple gates on all four corners and cared for the treasures and ministering vessels in the temple. So their job was to protect from any opposing forces God’s physical building and the spiritual instruments inside the building that were dedicated for spiritual service. They also watched out for who should enter the temple. This is a great picture of what the woman of the house is supposed to do for her home.

The woman’s job is to guard the physical home and its members that have been called as spiritual instruments for God (whether they know it or not). Her job is to make sure that nothing enters the house that will be in opposition to the spiritual goals that the family has set. She is also in charge of making sure that what enters the home will help to further the family’s spiritual goals. What enters or is kept out the house affects the physical and spiritual aspects of the home. So if R-rated movies, violent video games and bad attitudes are against the family’s spiritual goals, they shouldn’t be in the house. And if crude people want to curse in your home, they shouldn’t be allowed either. As women, you must be vigilant. Protect your house from predators within and without to work toward a safe and comfortable home physically and spiritually.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Get the Junk Out

Posted on by
Reply

Time heals all wounds, the old saying goes. But this is not true. Instead what you do with the time given to you is what allows the healing to take place. Many people don’t want to take the time necessary to make things change. Maybe they don’t have the capacity, because the hurt is so fresh or no one ever taught them the necessary steps. Well, this post will give you some necessary steps so when you are in the midst of pain, you will already have the tools to be implemented. This will also help you to guide those coming behind you so they too will be equipped. We need to take the time outside of crisis moments to figure out how to cope in the crisis moments so we don’t set ourselves up for a complete fall.

Remember, the two areas that Christians are warned to combat are vanity of the mind and lasciviousness (See No Christian Pimps Allowed). Vanity of the mind deals with what’s going on inside of us and lasciviousness expresses what’s going on in the mind. For example, if you have deep hatred for someone (vanity of the mind) that has been brewing for years you may decide to just punch them one day or curse them out (lasciviousness). See, if you don’t deal with the internal junk, the junk will manifest externally. And only God, through Jesus Christ, can clean you up permanently, where you walk unbound on this earth and eventually experience eternal freedom from all consuming junk.

Steps to Being Level-Headed

1. Get to know Jesus Christ in salvation. Romans 10:9-10 tells us how to ensure we have a place in heaven.
2. Get to know God in sanctification. Once you have a place in heaven, you have to improve your walk on earth. Philippians 2:12 says “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” This tells us that now that we have a place in heaven, we better live to express that God now resides in us. We can do this with God’s power (Philippians 2:13). Hebrews 11:6 says, “But without faith [it is] impossible to please [him]: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and [that] he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” You must then study the attributes of God so you 1) know what behavior to seek after and 2) understand that He is a god that you can trust to help you succeed.
3. Get rid of what will cause sin internally and externally. You may have to throw away some treasured items that will cause your mind and body to sin. You may have to stop hanging with some folks that you know are toxic. You may have to stop watching certain movies and hanging certain places to get your mind right so your body will follow.
4. Remember God’s promise. If you purse God’s presence by seeking to be level-headed, great things will happen: “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you” (Joshua 3:5).

Being level-headed may not be easy, but it is possible when we let God be the Helper that He tells us He is.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

No Christian Pimps Allowed

Posted on by
2

If I weren’t a Christian I don’t think I would want to be one. I’ve seen too many bank-rolling bishops and prosperity preachers flanked with so many goons and girls that Rudy the Pimp of my childhood would be put to shame. Why would I want to settle for the imitation of street life when I could live the street life? This is what so many skeptics of Christianity ask Christians who profess Christ then curse Him, go to church and to the club, take communion and hit some Hennessy or smoke a demon and then a joint. God calls us to be level-headed to stamp out this duplicity. “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways,” the Apostle James tells us (1:8). When you are unstable as a Christian others become unsure about you and yours, and you never gain what you were intended: winning souls for Jesus Christ.

If you aren’t level-headed you not only never receive what you were intended to gain, but when you lose your wits you can also lose so much else, like your reputation; friends; family; and job. When you aren’t sober (making wise decisions) you cannot be discreet (discipline in your body) to complete the work that you should be committed to (Titus 2:4-5). The Apostle Paul calls these two vanity of the mind and lasciviousness (Ephesians 4:18-19).

Vanity of the mind is the inability to perceive and understand the truth which leads to making bad decisions like lasciviousness, which is having no moral restraints, being shameless and outrageous. So when you walk in the vanity of your mind it’s easy to think it’s okay to be a preacher-pimp; a false friend; a failure in your family but a success on your job; or stealing time at work to make that church event a success. Next time you plan to do away with sound judgment and do something without moral restraints, think about your unsaved loved ones and the bigger watching world that God has commissioned you to be stable for. It’s better to suffer the slight affliction of self-restraint than to enjoy sin, whose pleasures only last for a season (Hebrews 11:25). A lifetime of salvation surely beats a season of sin. The choice is up to you.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Be Level-Headed

Posted on by
Reply

Mental instability is sobering. It affects the young and the old, the rich and the poor, and males and females all over the world. Without a doubt the increase in the reported numbers of heinous crimes, hospitalizations and people I have encountered surely has more to do with oppressed social and economic times than with genetics. I say this because many of us have had a “crazy” in the family, whether certified or not. We know that this person couldn’t be counted on to hold an entire sensible conversation because he has “always been that way.” But now it seems people have more than just the crazy uncle or friend, at least that’s what I see.

Maybe people are more vocal about their instabilities, whereas in years past speaking about them was taboo. Or maybe I notice more people because there are few asylums where they can go and others who want or need short-term care don’t get it because they can’t afford it. Whatever the reason for the instability, God has called us to be level-headed; discreet and sober are the words given to women in Titus 2. This is a great call and equally difficult.

At first glance, the definitions for discreet and sober seem to be the same, with both suggesting having self control. But a deeper look shows the distinction: Discreet has more to do with discipline in terms of completing a task that you have committed to and sober would “involve the cultivation of sound judgment and prudence.” So God is calling us to do what we have committed ourselves to and to develop our minds so that we make good decisions, free from emotions. There is a definite connection between these words beyond their definition: If your mind isn’t developed to make good decisions, then you’re unlikely to complete tasks that you have committed to. A sound mind leads to consistent completed tasks.

Though being sober and discreet is difficult, this is what we are called to be so we don’t permanently end up in an institution or making and breaking commitments. God never commands something from us without equipping us (Philippians 2:13). So rest assured that stability in body and mind is something that you can achieve if you believe and trust God.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith