Category Archives: Recovery

A Significant Reputation

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    “. . .(A)nd let her works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:31).

Some days are ponder days, and this weekend I had one of those days. As I thought about my accomplishments in comparison to what I still have yet to do, I lamented a bit. My ministry has not had the far-reaching impact that I expected. And as I thought about not having a broader audience like some of my secular counterparts, I heard the Lord say, “You want success and not significance.” Immediately I received the correction. The impact I wanted came with fame; the impact that is necessary comes with a making a positive difference.

Some months ago I learned a good deal about the difference between success and significance. My pastor, Christopher W. Brooks, preached a message on this, warning Christians that our lives should not be about seeking fame and being successful according to the world’s standard of obtaining money and material items and being well-known; we must be about changing lives for Christ’s sake, starting within our own homes.

This was the success of the Proverbs 31 woman. She took care of her husband, children and maids. Because she looked “well to the ways of her household” and was a hard worker, she had a good reputation; her work taking care of her home—a small audience—garnered her praise in her hometown. As I reviewed Pastor Brooks’ message, I understood more what God was telling me: I didn’t want what I already had; I wanted what someone else had. And what I have is significance because I am making a positive influence in the lives of those in my sphere, the gates that He has me within.

I’m not saying that we should shun money, material items or popularity. But our emphasis should be on accomplishing the goals God has given to us, and these goals always start with taking care of home. This is the greatest area of significance. This gives you a good reputation.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Work It Right

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Right before Halloween I saw a woman at Target that I used to work with. She looked a bit harried. No, she looked downright frazzled and worn. I asked how she was doing, and she gave me the obligatory “fine” before going into why she was at the store and rushing to get out:

“Girl, yeah I still work there. Um, hum,” she said as she pierced her lips and rolled her eyes. “I have four kids, so going to work is a break for me, though. I’m at Target to get Halloween costumes. They have costumes for Trick or Treating, for a party at school and one of them has a birthday party that I had to get a costume and a gift for. Yeah, girl. When I get home, they be wanting to climb on me and get hugs and help with homework. I say, ‘Ask your daddy. Shoot. I’ve been working all day.’”

“All right, girl. I’ll see you later. God bless you, okay?”

“All right, Rhonda. See you later.”

And I hope to see her later to tell her, “That ain’t right. It ain’t right that you are 1) working a job to get away from your kids; 2) working hard to get your kids multiple Halloween costumes; 3) working hard to shun your children’s affection; and 4) working hard to avoid helping your kids with homework. It just ain’t right. This is not the working hard that a mother should do.” Many of us are hard workers, working hard at the wrong things and not having the energy to work hard at the right things, like cleaning our homes, nurturing our husbands and children, and being a reliable and trustworthy friend. This just ain’t right!

The best question to ask is “Is what I’m choosing to do most beneficial for what God has called me to do?” This was the question that stood out in my mind when I had to make the decision about feeding and educating my first child. It was breast milk v. formula and home school v. public school. I had good reason to choose formula over breast milk because Joshua could not latch on. And every indicator pointed to God guiding me to home school my attention craved child. I chose to express my breast milk so Joshua could have the best food available to him and to home school though I felt ill-equipped and non-desirous.

On many occasions I felt like my old colleague. In fact, I would say about Joshua’s clinginess, “He didn’t get the memo. The (umbilical) cord has been cut!” In my flesh I didn’t want to express milk and THEN have to feed my baby or homeschool. Using formula and sending Josh to school would have been more convenient for me. But I knew breast milk and home school would be best for him so I worked hard to give him both. We all must decide what’s most beneficial in order to accomplish what God has called us to do and not what we want to do. Working hard ain’t easy, but doing so for the right things saves a lot of time and energy and truly pleases the Lord.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

5 More Physical Beauty Tips

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I realized that my last blog post was singularly focused on clothing. As you know, physical grooming is more than a nice outfit. You must make sure that you don’t mess up your clothes with bad body order, a whack hairdo, the wrong or no makeup and mismatched accessories. So this post is dedicated to encouraging you to get these areas right so your outfit will be tight!

1. Make sure you smell good before you look good. Most women in my blog demographic would find this tip insulting and rightfully so. If there is anything you wouldn’t be suffering from it is bad body odor. You know that it’s best to shower or bathe daily because anything less than that allows odor-causing bacteria to find a home in your underarms and private parts. But for the small minority of you who think that you can consistently get away with showering once a week or so and opting for a wash at your bathroom sink, think again, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I don’t think so! And please remember to have fresh breath by brushing, flossing, and professionally cleaning your teeth. Don’t forget the mouthwash and mints.
2. Find a hair stylist that works for you. This could be at a salon, a friend or even you once you find out what looks work with you, what you can afford and who can provide you the service (including nurturing healthy hair) that you need. Don’t compromise because of money or convenience if your outcome would look like you didn’t get your hair done at all. Barter services. Read magazines, websites and blogs to find out what to do with your hair texture and head and facial structure. Keep your hair clean by not going beyond your regular treatment times. Do the best you can within your means.
3. Apply makeup to highlight your natural features or go without it. I love makeup, but when I apply more than my basics (eyeliner, lipstick and sometimes foundation), I look made up, not like an enhanced beauty. If you don’t have an eye for makeup application or know what colors bring out your natural features, consult professionals, like Chevelle Downs or Rashida TheGlamDoctor Williams.
4. Don’t over- or under-accessorize. There’s nothing more distracting than a huge pair of earrings and a bodacious necklace with an already decorative outfit. Accessories should enhance, not overpower, your look. If you have to ask, “Is this too much?” it probably is.
5. Keep your nails together. You don’t have to have a manicurist to make sure your nails aren’t ragged. Have at a minimum a nailbrush, clippers and file so you can keep your nails neat and clean. Polish or a nail salon is always a wonderful option if you have the time and money.
Taking the time and energy to care for your temple not only makes you look good but provides the perfect canvas to paint the “picture perfect” representative for Jesus Christ.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

10 Physical Grooming Tips

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Being well-groomed for God must start with a spirit that’s well-groomed. So if we want to reflect godliness in our look, we have to first have godliness in our heart. Always know that whatever actions we have come from what’s in our heart. Once we get our hearts together, we must make it our business to be well-groomed physically. I have listed 10 tips to help you get started or to reinforce your focus:

1. Pray that God will give you balance. Remember you want to be well-groomed, not for self-adulation but for God’s glorification.
2. Shop at high-quality discount stores. You can have high quality looks without high quality prices. Don’t ever forget stores like Marshall’s and TJ Maxx.
3. Buy from consignment shops. When you can’t afford to buy new, even at a discount store, consignment shops are a good option. These are typically better versions of run of the mill resale shops; donors get paid for the clothing they give to consignment shops so to get the most money for their wares, they usually make sure to offer high quality clothing still in good condition.
4. Swap clothes with friends. Whether you trade clothes because your sizes have changed or you borrow an item to add to your look, friends can be good options when you don’t have time or money to shop.
5. Use coupons. These can be a hassle for me because of the time it takes to get them. But the time to buy a newspaper, check a website or ask for in-store coupons is worth the savings.
6. Care for items. Clean them immediately. Don’t allow stains to set or they may be permanent. Dirty wool attracts moths, thus holes. Also to prevent moth attacks, use cedar chips or wood hangers to avoid the smell of moth balls. Replace buttons. Repair holes. Use a lint brush and shaver.
7. Buy classic pieces. These are items that don’t go out of style, like a white shirt, dark suit, black dress and loafers. Make sure they are well made (i.e., stitching is strong) and you purchase clothing in good fabrics, like wool gabardine, silk and cotton. If you build your wardrobe on trends and not classics, you’re likely to have to change your wardrobe instead of simply updating it a bit.
8. Mix and match. Don’t wear the same shirt with the same skirt all the time. Change the shirt; add a blazer. Wear a hat. Add different color hosiery. Do something to give an old outfit a new twist.
9. Consult professionals or stylish friends for ideas. If you don’t have a clue about what I said in the previous items or you just don’t know how to put your look together once you follow the tips, get help. We all have a friend or know someone who is always well-groomed and stylish. If you don’t, check out fashion websites that have great tips. One is Possess Your Style by my childhood friend and always fashion forward Kalyn Johnson.
10. Always remember, your look is not for you but it is to attract people to your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We are His representatives. Let’s represent Him well.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Spiritual Grooming Tips

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When I attended a fundamentalist church, the women were required to wear head coverings. Most women wore lace doilies but being the quasi-fashion conscious maven I am, I refused. I bought a number of stylish hats so that I could be in compliance with the practice and not compromise my look. But many Sundays not compromising my look cost me time; I would build my outfits around a hat or search for the perfect hat to match my outfit. My focus was off. I wanted to get glory for my look instead of seeking to give God glory for following the standards set in that house (1 Corinthians 11:3-16). So please understand that I am well aware how we can easily be drawn into vanity when trying to give God glory. I think a look at 1 Peter 3:3-4 and Isaiah 3:16-4:1 will help us have balance.

“Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is incorruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:3-4). This scripture teaches that a woman’s focus should be on a heart (mind, will and emotions) that strives to express meekness and quietness. Meekness acknowledges that someone has power but that she has it under control and quietness suggests tranquility, that she shows no signs of anxiety or agitation; she is composed. So in addition to striving to be neat and clean a woman must strive to be meek and quiet. Her appearance and attitude should reflect a heart that doesn’t need to take physical control or express that she is upset because she was unable to take physical control. As we know, some Christians have misappropriated this scripture, requiring women to be homely, forcing them to be ascetics. Others have suggested that these verses are passe’ but these people are in danger of being like the Israelite women in Isaiah 3:16-4:1.

The Lord said: Because the daughters of Zion are haughty and walk with outstretched necks, glancing wantonly with their eyes, mincing along as they go, tinkling with their feet, therefore the Lord will strike with a scab the heads of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will lay bare their secret parts. In that day the Lord will take away the finery of the anklets, the headbands, and the crescents; the pendants, the bracelets, and the scarves; the headdresses, the armlets, the sashes, the perfume boxes, and the amulets; the signet rings and nose rings; the festal robes, the mantles, the cloaks, and the handbags; the mirrors, the linen garments, the turbans, and the veils. Instead of perfume there will be rottenness; and instead of a belt, a rope; and instead of well-set hair, baldness; and instead of a rich robe, a skirt of sackcloth; and branding instead of beauty. Your men shall fall by the sword and your mighty men in battle. And her gates shall lament and mourn; empty, she shall sit on the ground. And seven women shall take hold of one man in that day, saying, “We will eat our own bread and wear our own clothes, only let us be called by your name; take away our reproach.”

If we don’t seek balance, we end up homely, threatening to repel people from us and God or we end up flashy, being a hindrance for people’s true salvation and shaming God. To have balance, we must ask ourselves questions: Why am I wearing this? Why do I want to wear this? Why am I not satisfied wearing this? How does dressing like this make me feel? How does dressing like this make me act? Who will get the glory from me wearing this? Does wearing this make me look homely? Would wearing this make me act haughty? Once we can be honest with ourselves we are able to make the necessary adjustments so our look reflects godliness and a woman striving only to give Jesus Christ glory.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith