Category Archives: MUSINGS

Discipline Gone Wrong

Posted on by
Reply

What Do You Think? Wednesday
Sometimes disciplining a child biblically can be hard when the child is rebellious and hell-bent on remaining that way. Their behavior and attitude make you want to punch them. I know I’m not the only recovering strong black woman who feels this way. A lot of us, other women and daddies, too, feel this way. But the punching, slapping, cussing and throwing kids and things at kids’ way is not the way to discipline, regardless of their actions. Read more of my thoughts on this as I delve into what the Creflo Dollar child discipline ruckus should remind Christian parents about disciplining our children. This is my latest EEW column, which begins below. Read it and tell me what you think:

I told you about the time I wanted to punch Josh and the time I wanted to cuss him out and the time of the showdown. I have had my mommy moments when I have wanted to take my kids out of the world that I brought them into. But how does the discipline moment for the Christian get to the point where the police are involved, not because someone in a public bathroom witnessed, disagreed with your methods and called the police, but your own child called them to your house?

By now you have heard this is what happened to Creflo Dollar, the megachurch pastor of World Changers Church International in College Park, GA. News reports say Dollar and his 15-year-old daughter argued because he said she couldn’t go to a party. At some point the verbal sparring got physical, with Dollar allegedly choking, slapping, punching, and hitting his daughter with a shoe, though he denies punching his daughter.

Dollar says he was just trying to restrain her after she hit him. According to the incident report, Alexandria Dollar, 19, sister of the 15 year old, says her father “put both hands around her sister’s neck and choked her for about five seconds.” She also alleges that her dad grabbed her sister by the shoulders and slapped her in the face. And the 15 year old on the 911 call says the reported incident was “not the first time.” Dollar was arrested, taken to Fayette County Jail and released on $5,000 bond. He faces misdemeanor charges of simple battery and cruelty to children.

This incident disturbs me on a number of levels: that a girl seems to have been abused at the hands of her father; that the man involved declares to be a representative of God; that all of child discipline will be under greater scrutiny; and that this mars the church, God’s glory and Christianity. By Dollar’s own admission, he wrestled his daughter to the ground. I wasn’t there and don’t know all the details, but I don’t believe that a 50-year-old man has any business physically restraining a 15-year-old girl for any reason. The situation got out of hand, but how does child discipline in the home of Christians get this far? I don’t know for sure in Dollar’s case, but let me help us be mindful of what Scripture says that gives us insight into how we might avoid his fiasco happening to us:

Read more here.

Contemplating Sickness & Suicide

Posted on by
6

When you come to dark corners and they’re the end in your mind, do you make the end complete by bowing out of projects or consider bowing out of life? I’ve done both when the mantle of strong black womanhood was just too much, when other people’s demands let me know I had not enough to handle what was expected of me.

Erica Kennedy

I’m reflecting on that space today after I learned of the death of a sister-writer, Erica Kennedy, 42, a woman I never met, can’t say I ever read her words, but her life and now her death have impacted me. Her cause of death is not known publicly though various writings intimate suicide, brought on perhaps by depression or mental illness. I’m sad that Erica didn’t have what she needed, be it friends to talk to or medicine to take or something else, to help her cope in this life. Though another precious life is gone, I thank God that Erica’s death has sparked conversation about black women and depression and suicide. And for Christian women, we have the possibility to discuss more freely and without condemnation our struggles and that we need to go deep with Jesus so He leads us to our proper healing (which may include doctors and medicine). And we must always share our eternal hope in Jesus so others may receive salvation on this side of life and forever be with Him after death.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#621-630
The sun shining on my face
The pool of water making waves in the parking lot
Being led to join the A Holy Experience Gratitude Community
Meeting a white mom of an adopted black girl seeking me for guidance
Making great headway with laundry
Eating fruit in the bed with Nate and Justus
Justus and Nate attacking me with love
The boys loving going to the playground
Nate asking me to push him high in the swing while Josh swings himself high and Justus says “wee”
God protecting us at the name of Jesus from a car accident that seemed inevitable

Friday Feature: Vegetarian Iodine Sources

Posted on by
Reply

One of my friends just completed a raw food fast and another woman told me she is going to begin a raw food program next week. Experiencing myself the great results of more energy, losing weight, and being more clearheaded and spiritually attuned, I rejoiced for both of them. They both tapped into my knowledge and I was more than happy to help them begin and stay the course. So often people lung head-on into becoming a vegetarian or a vegan but are lacking essential knowledge that could be damaging to their bodies. Last week I told you a major problem for vegetarians is a lack of protein in their diet and gave you some non-soy vegetarian protein sources that I eat. A lack of protein isn’t the only issue that vegetarians tend to have. Additionally, we lack iodine (mostly obtained from meat and their products) and vegans lack calcium so many have weak bones. In an upcoming week, I’ll discuss vegetarian food options for calcium, but today I give you a list of vegetables high in iodine (I give descriptions for those that are not so common):

Kelp—a sea vegetable that tuna eat and gives tuna its distinct flavor
Dulse—a sea vegetable that is a red algae
Agar—a gel derived from red algae
Swiss chard—a leafy green vegetable
Summer Squash
Mustard Greens
Kale
Asparagus
Turnips
Spinach

God has given us everything we need for life and godliness, including to those on a largely plant-based diet (2 Peter 1:3). Check out some of these and get the iodine you need without having to add iodine enriched table salt to your food.

More Mercy

Posted on by
Reply

What Do You Think? Wednesday

A thought from my journal:

We must have mercy on others, true mercy that comes from a heart that recognizes the misery of sin. God has mercy upon the sinner to pardon her from the consequences of sin and provides an opportunity to be relieved of the misery of sin. The consequences of sin are the just results we receive for engaging in sin. The misery is the shame and other emotional turmoil we experience as a result of sin. We may still be in sin or may have been delivered from it, but if we don’t recognize God’s mercy in its totality—us not receiving the consequences we deserve and God not requiring we walk in guilt—we will remain miserable. We don’t believe we have been fully pardoned and don’t believe God can (and wants to) use us to His glory. We cannot become our version of God and deny mercy to others and even ourselves. Truly we will be people most miserable and live in a world more intensely miserable than we could imagine.

There is no misery allowed! Stop wallowing in sin. Ask God for and trust that He will give you forgiveness and pass the same on to others (1 John 1:9).

What do you think causes us to reject God’s mercy and not have mercy on others? Please, tell me what you think.

Release Control, Create Independence

Posted on by
Reply

For a few weeks I had worked with Nate, my 4 year old, on learning to swing on his own. He would recite ‘kick out, pull in” to remind himself to push his legs forward when swinging forward and pull them back when swinging backward. He and I were happy that this catchy phrase would keep his coordination and he would be able to swing apart from my pushing. But he often got tired of pushing, would whine and ask me to push him. Tired of hearing him whine, I often would push him. Nate stopped wanting to try, preferring me to push him instead.

I had done this—made him a swing quitter—with my controlling self. Doing things myself so I don’t have to deal with the hassle of teaching a slow learner or so I know it’ll be right is an issue I’m working on and an issue other recovering strong black women wrestle with. And this is an issue that will work your nerves and overwork your body, constantly challenge your patience and keep you entrenched in pride. We can’t do everything, should not want to do everything, yet the control freak in us cries loud and we heed her cries.

Recently, God reminded me how continually holding the reigns only keeps me in the position of holding the reigns. If I take over the housework, cook without having pupils beside me, withhold assignments from workers and tell those I counsel what they should do instead of what the Bible says then I’m creating a dependence on me and preventing my followers from being self sufficient. We can’t do everything for our children, withhold assignments from our workers or tell our counselees what to do. We can keep the reigns tight, but when we decide we want to let go, our followers won’t be able to steer. And we will be stuck, doing all the work, even when we don’t want to. I thank God for the reminder to release control, remain calm and let others learn what they need to learn so they—not I—can do what needs to be done.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#611-620
Liz saying she could tell Flynn and I are one
Meeting Liz
The diversity at Nichole’s party and witnessing folks’ genuine love for her
Christen helping me every Sunday
Christen supervising the boys during choir practice
The sermon I’ve been waiting for: Pastor Brooks speaking of God wanting to use the arts to reach the unsaved
Fellowship in the sanctuary after church and during New Evangel Members Orientation
Jeremiah’s baby dedication
The sound of Nathaniel eating food he enjoys
Walking Justus in the parking lot at church and him smiling at the wind being on his face