Mothering Mess?: Octomom and Other Thoughts

What Do You Think? Wednesday

Motherhood is definitely an evolutionary process. I wrote about an aspect of my own journey on Monday (). Whether we give physical birth or nurture others’ children, all Christian women are called to motherhood (Titus 2:3-5), and it is no joke. My own experience helps me keep my stones for myself. Even with that in mind, I’m curious about what you think about Friday’s Today Show appearance of the Octomom, Nadya Suleman, the single mother of 14 children, including octuplets. One of my Facebook friends said as she was watching the show she thought about “taking an ax to my uterus.” If you missed the show, you can see some footage below. After you watch, what’s your reaction? What do you believe your response, as a Christian called to motherhood, should be about Suleman’s mothering and even your own? Please, let me know what YOU think.

Maturing into Motherhood

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

— 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

I have gotten older. “Duh,” you might say. “Aging happens to everyone from the moment we’re born.” But I really didn’t begin to feel older until a few weeks ago. Of course I realized my transition some years ago when I didn’t know names of popular artists or their songs AND I didn’t care. I had joined my parents’ generation and gotten amply disengaged from the current cool. This didn’t bother me since I had always flown in my own musical realm. But a few weeks ago was different. This was when it seems overnight a nest of grays had sprouted along my front hairline; an 18 year old couldn’t say why she thought I looked so much different than the woman in my 13-year-old wedding photo; and it had been months since anyone mistook me for being at least 10 years younger than I am. I settled into my eventual, always knowing that aging is inevitable. I must admit that accepting and liking my physical changes are not the same for me. But the time that changed my physical appearance is the same time that changed my spiritual position and that pleases (and, in some ways, has shocked) me.

“You’re such a mother,” said Tabitha, one of the seven women with whom I have a formal Christian discipleship relationship. She was watching me interact with my children and remarked on my mother nurturing. She said the same thing last week, this time commenting on how I mother her and her discipleship sisters. “You really want us to be okay and reconciled,” she said about the way I had mediated a small conflict that she and another of my daughter’s in Christ had. “You didn’t take sides; you just wanted both of us to be okay.” I do, and I want the same for my boys but my desire has not always been evident.

For years I struggled with strife, having to leave ‘up and out’ words with folks who needed to know the extent of their foolishness or density. I had little mercy for the weak in mind and made it my business to tell them so. Somebody had to tell them, I reasoned, so I assigned myself that job. I resigned years ago, when the magnification of God’s mercy overshadowed my sins. His great covering was big enough that I couldn’t just keep His warmth for myself; I wanted others to feel God’s comfort and how I could nestle in His care. That was my great desire and for years only remained in my thoughts. Though I had gotten glimpses of folks under God’s cover with me, Tabitha’s encouraging word let me know that I had made room for more than I thought. And even with a new girlfriend’s recent surprise that I used to be Zorro because “you’re so kind and thoughtful” let me know that I have been more consistent in my new way than I imagined. Time may have aged my body, but I praise God that time also has matured me in the spirit. Even though I am older I am brand new.

In what ways have you become new in Christ?

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

My One Thousand Gifts List

#131-140
Joshua shoveling Nana’s snow
Joshua spending time with two generations
Flynn being able to attend evangelism training
Renee loving One Thousand Gifts
Renee wanting me to go to Paris with her
A smooth Sunday morning
Going to church and on time
Being able to sit in the sanctuary
A quiet child during church
Being able to serve at the altar

Friday Feature: Ways to Buy and Save on Organic

Some people immediately dismiss going organic because they believe the cost is too much. Though most organic products are more expensive than other foods (because of many farming practices, including the fact that organic farmers don’t get government subsidies), that is not always true. In fact the organic navel oranges we buy from a national natural health food chain are comparable to the non-organic oranges at our local traditional chain grocery store. Like you seek to get the best deals at your regular grocery store, you have to seek to get the best deals on organic items, if eating chemical-free and non-genetically modified foods is that important to you. You must do the cost-benefit analysis, often looking long-range, like considering how much you may have to pay to treat an illness you’re likely to get years from now from eating pesticide-laden food (Organic.org). I’m not trying to scare you; I just want you to be aware that many illnesses we see today are the result of the nutrient-deficient and chemical-rich foods we consume. With a little effort, you can decrease your toxic intake and your chance of developing disease.

Follow these tips:

1. Prioritize your budget. Do you really have to get your hair and nails done as often as you do? How many times a week do you eat out, either as a family or buying lunch at work? Do you drink coffee and soda pop more than once a week? What other snacks do you eat often? Find those items in your budget that are not necessities and use the money you save to buy organic.

2. Buy products with less than 100 percent organic ingredients. This won’t work with produce, but you can get packaged foods, like pasta sauces and crackers, that are made with some organic ingredients. In fact, there are four levels of organic labeling that you will find at the grocery store: 100% Organic—those made with 100 percent organic ingredients; Organic—Those made with at least 95 percent organic ingredients; Made With Organic Ingredients—Products that have at least 70 percent organic ingredients with strict restrictions on the remaining 30 percent, including no GMOs (genetically modified organisms); and Other—Products with less than 70% organic ingredients may list organically produced ingredients on the side panel of the package, but may not make any organic claims on the front of the package” (Organic.org).

3. Shop at a farmers’ market. Late spring to early fall is a great time to get fresh and locally grown produce. Some farmers who sell here have been certified as having organic products. Others may not have gone through the process to become certified but don’t use harmful chemicals to grow and preserve their foods. If you go late in the day you often get to haggle with sellers to get reduced prices on already competitive products. Click here to find one in your area.

4. Join a food cooperative (co-op). Some natural food grocery stores run cooperatively, where workers and/or customers own and operate the store. Membership fees allow owners to collectively purchase organic items from farmers, getting a better price on organic items (usually a smaller selection) than those carried in traditional markets. Anyone can shop at a co-op but only members get a discount on shelf prices. Food cooperatives can also be in the form of a buying club, where members’ collective monies help to buy products from a local farm and members pick up their own items at a designated location. Click here to find a food cooperative in your area.

5. Join a farm cooperative. Officially known as a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) program, a CSA allows the public to buy food directly from a farmer, some of which grow organic products. You pay a fee, or a share (a.k.a. a membership or subscription), to receive a weekly box of vegetables and sometimes other farm produce, like eggs, meat and cheese. Read here for more information on CSAs and where to find one in your area.

6. Grow your own food. You can plant your own garden to supplement what you get at the store. The cost for seeds is minimal and you get the joy of cultivating and collecting food that you know doesn’t have any harmful chemicals.

7. Mail order organic items. If organic food is limited where you live, you can mail order, though this is more expensive than organic products in the stores. There may be one or two items that you would love to have and can’t get locally so this still may be a viable option.

With these tips, I know there is at least one way you can incorporate organic products in your budget. Doing so will preserve the environment and your body, making you a good steward over that which God has entrusted you and giving you bodily strength to do the necessary work to build His Kingdom.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

Seek Real Partnerships

What Do You Think? Wednesday

God stretches us in our freedom in Christ. No longer bound to sin but to Him, He challenges us to perform audacious works we otherwise wouldn’t have the power or desire to do. One area is the partnership of real sisterhood, an area that some recovering strong black women wanting to be the strongest strong black woman have a problem excelling in.

We know that problems with self-seeking, envy, withholding compliments and other hater-type behavior are not unique to black women. All women—all humans affected by the curse of sin—deal with these issues. How we, as Christians, deal with these issues distinguishes us from the masses. Check out this blog post from one of our white sisters that challenges us to get beyond ourselves and give the love we should.

Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. — Galatians 5:26 (KJV)

[Let] nothing [be done] through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. — Philippians 2:3 (KJV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . . . –1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV).

When we seek real partnerships, rooted in the love of Christ, we can easily lay down our agendas, avoid strife, be happy for and esteem others and have the mind of Christ. We can support our sisters without hesitation or reservation. We don’t have to wonder if someone will hook us up, too, or use us and we don’t have to withhold our best when seeking to bless others. Where do you find yourself? Where are you on the real sisterhood spectrum? Do you need to make, mend or mature your relationships? I urge you with the mandate of Scripture, the prompting of our sister and the Holy Ghost to start today to establish healthy partnerships for real sisterhood. As always, tell me what you think?

Freedom of Partnerships

Photo credit: InMagine.com

Flynn left the kids and me, just for a week but I got a GLIMPSE of single motherhood. I say a GLIMPSE because I knew, Lord willing, my husband would return after a ministry conference and be there again to partner with me in parenting. Also, my time with my sons was them being with me; I didn’t have to work outside the home like most single mothers do. It was only my job temporarily to physically provide for my children’s wants and needs and I did so with God’s grace. We had a great time at the drive-in movie theater, watching our city’s fireworks display, running around the playground, going to the library and having dinner with family friends. On a few outings I was alone with them. On two others I was with my single-for-the-week sister and her children and my-single-for-the-week friend and her daughter (Both their husbands were out of town, too). We have always respected single mothers, but our GLIMPSE into that sisterhood helped us appreciate them more AND cherish the freedom that can come with being married to men who take their fatherhood as seriously as we take our motherhood. Though we are bound by marriage (1 Corinthians 7:33, 39) our fatherhood-engaged husbands allow us to disengage from motherhood from time to time. For this reason, I encouraged Flynn to go away and basked in his return.

My dynamic with Flynn got me thinking about the freedom we have in healthy life partnerships—those we have in marriage, in friendship and with biological and spiritual families. Do we take these for granted or do we avoid them, knowing someone’s freedom in the partnership may at times mean for us a burden, one that we are unwilling to carry? As we celebrate our country’s freedom to self-govern, I want us to honor the freedom that healthy partnerships bring to our lives, those God-ordained relationships that the Bible speaks so clearly of. We must help one another, seek to refresh others so that we, too, might be refreshed (Proverbs 11:25). This is a path to our freedom that followers of Christ must lovingly take to benefit us all. Let us seek and celebrate the freedoms we have in Christ (John 8:32, 36; Romans 6:18-23, 8; Galatians 4-5:1, 16).

My One Thousand Gifts List

#121-130
Milk to nurse Justus
The children loving love
Flynn initiating prayer with the family before he and Joshua left for the day (and though they were running late)
God showing me that I’m not satisfied satisfying Him
Supplies for Joshua’s Black History Month project
Working with Joshua on his Black History Month project
Joshua wanting me to sleep with and Nate
Joshua not wanting me to leave his room
Impressing me to apologize to Joshua for hurting his feelings
Floyd taking Joshua to his piano lesson