Category Archives: Motherhood

Freedom of Partnerships

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Photo credit: InMagine.com

Flynn left the kids and me, just for a week but I got a GLIMPSE of single motherhood. I say a GLIMPSE because I knew, Lord willing, my husband would return after a ministry conference and be there again to partner with me in parenting. Also, my time with my sons was them being with me; I didn’t have to work outside the home like most single mothers do. It was only my job temporarily to physically provide for my children’s wants and needs and I did so with God’s grace. We had a great time at the drive-in movie theater, watching our city’s fireworks display, running around the playground, going to the library and having dinner with family friends. On a few outings I was alone with them. On two others I was with my single-for-the-week sister and her children and my-single-for-the-week friend and her daughter (Both their husbands were out of town, too). We have always respected single mothers, but our GLIMPSE into that sisterhood helped us appreciate them more AND cherish the freedom that can come with being married to men who take their fatherhood as seriously as we take our motherhood. Though we are bound by marriage (1 Corinthians 7:33, 39) our fatherhood-engaged husbands allow us to disengage from motherhood from time to time. For this reason, I encouraged Flynn to go away and basked in his return.

My dynamic with Flynn got me thinking about the freedom we have in healthy life partnerships—those we have in marriage, in friendship and with biological and spiritual families. Do we take these for granted or do we avoid them, knowing someone’s freedom in the partnership may at times mean for us a burden, one that we are unwilling to carry? As we celebrate our country’s freedom to self-govern, I want us to honor the freedom that healthy partnerships bring to our lives, those God-ordained relationships that the Bible speaks so clearly of. We must help one another, seek to refresh others so that we, too, might be refreshed (Proverbs 11:25). This is a path to our freedom that followers of Christ must lovingly take to benefit us all. Let us seek and celebrate the freedoms we have in Christ (John 8:32, 36; Romans 6:18-23, 8; Galatians 4-5:1, 16).

My One Thousand Gifts List

#121-130
Milk to nurse Justus
The children loving love
Flynn initiating prayer with the family before he and Joshua left for the day (and though they were running late)
God showing me that I’m not satisfied satisfying Him
Supplies for Joshua’s Black History Month project
Working with Joshua on his Black History Month project
Joshua wanting me to sleep with and Nate
Joshua not wanting me to leave his room
Impressing me to apologize to Joshua for hurting his feelings
Floyd taking Joshua to his piano lesson

Gain Perspective

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Today I anxiously went to get the mail. I was looking for my author copies of Daily Guideposts Your First Year of Motherhood and they were there! As I’ve told you I’m excited about this project. Though I’ve written for years and have been featured in a number of publications, this is the first time my work has appeared in a mainstream book. And the book’s arrival today was perfect, after dealing with loss all around me. This morning I attended my second funeral in a week; I ministered to a woman yesterday who’s still broken after her mother abandoned her 18 years ago; and for the last few days I have been having a major discussion on Facebook about mothers who abandon their children, sparked by an article of a woman who did so to pursue her own dreams. This book, which speaks about pressing forward in the challenging face of new motherhood, reminded me that we can do anything God has commissioned us to do with some help and a Godly perspective.

In addition to the devotionals, Motherhood, has a subject index, to help you easily find topics you’re looking for, and a special concerns section, which includes hard stuff like post-partum depression, dealing with loneliness and keeping your marriage healthy. My own devotionals center on a change in my outlook. I tell you why a crying baby is a good thing; how to get a vacation while in the midst of mothering; how two women criticizing my mothering helped me; and why I had to fire a good babysitter. Remembering the stories I wrote and anticipating reading those of my colleagues helped me focus on what I have: a great opportunity to grow and nurture even with loss, that around me and even personally; not being able to go when I want, where I want and doing all I want are temporary, losses so worthwhile because of what I gain from pouring into my boys.

So join the discussion on Facebook and make sure you buy Motherhood. Just click the link here on the site. You don’t have to be in your first year of motherhood to get it. Buy it for a new mom you know; buy it to revisit how you may want to mother your other children; buy it to give some fresh perspective to a young mom you know. I believe you will be pleased.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

Aborting and Shaming Mamas

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What Do You Think? Wednesdays. That’s what I think I’ll call this day that I have used to pose ideas for you to ponder. Today, the first Wednesday in Women’s History Month, deals with mamas. I guess it’s that kind of week. Unlike my Monday post, that highlighted a phenomenal mother, the following anti-abortion ad and fed-up mama video challenge the mothering instincts of women, the first one directly aimed at African American women.

Bad grades land teen on street corner: MyFoxTAMPABAY.com

What do you think of each, especially in light of Scripture? Here are a few verses to consider:

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5).

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:1-2).

“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away” (2 Timothy 3:1-5).

“Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death” (Proverbs 19:18).

“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24).

“A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him” (Proverbs 17:25).

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

I look forward to hearing your thoughts. You can read some of mine in the comments section here.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

Loving Hard

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A woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do, and sometimes it’s tough, making changes, rearranging schedules to accommodate loved ones. This is what I had to do for today. My pastor-husband, who goes to work every day and works every day for our family and church family providing fresh food for our bodies and souls and moves my soul with how he works, asked me to get a sitter to watch the boys so I could serve with him at a funeral. I went to work immediately because this hardworking man hardly asks me for anything and I wanted to help him. Though Monday is a blogging day and the weekend’s activities would prevent me from choosing another writing day to get my post done, I get a sitter. With a misplaced button for my only decent suit, questionable pantyhose, a puffy mane, little makeup remaining, and a heart hungry to be with my boys, I go and I get more,

More strength to make changes for my family
More resolve to serve them
More love for my hardworking man
More praise for a God who gave me all them
More awe of my sitter, who fed and dressed my kids and cleaned my house too
More appreciation for my role as a wife and mother
More desire to do whatever God desires me to do

all because of Janice Tucker and her family. Today Janice buried Chucky, her firstborn son born with CHARGE Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder affecting one out of every 9-10,000 births worldwide. Though Chucky had most of the issues that characterize CHARGE, including balance, breathing and swallowing problems and vision, hearing and speech loss, Janice, a young mother at 20, refused to put her son in an institution when doctors told her that she should; when they said this would be best because Chucky probably wouldn’t live past toddlerhood, Janice said, “That’s my baby. He’s going home with me.” And Chucky did and lived to see 25 years mostly from having a persistent, insistent and patient mom, a planner who arranged her family to meet Chucky’s needs. Her five other children and her husband who came after Chucky all loved and cared for him. Her mother and sisters and friends, his teachers and their neighbors all loved and cared for him. With hundreds of hospital visits, a tracheotomy, feeding tube, wheelchair and learning and living that wasn’t “supposed” to happen, God showed through Chucky and Janice and her family His grace is sufficient for all of us who have to make changes to accommodate our loved ones, that His strength shows up when we are weak (2 Corinthians 12:9). And we can do all things through Jesus Christ, whether tough or small, routine or newly in, when we remain faced toward God and put all our trust in Him (Isaiah 26:3; Philippians 4:13).

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith

Daily Guideposts: Your First Year of Motherhood

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The book, the devotional I told you about last year that I wrote 14 pieces for, is available April 1, but you can click the link and pre-order it now through Amazon. I think the book is great not just because I’m one of the writers but because mothers need mothers, especially the new ones do to help them calm crying babies, soothe gassy stomachs, develop routines, maintain relationships, learn to breathe, and a ton of other stuff that only another mother could help with. This 365 day devotional with scriptures and prayers helps new moms negotiate a variety of issues they deal with as they adjust to life with a baby. Friends and family are irreplaceable, but Motherhood is like having 20 mothers serving new moms the real deal right in their own home. This is an invaluable tool that I think new moms would love to have.

The pieces are never preachy but point out how we learned and grew spiritually in our first year of motherhood. If you’re a new mom, get this book. If you know new moms, recommend or buy this book for them. I’m confident that you will be pleased.

Copyright 2011 by Rhonda J. Smith