Category Archives: Motherhood

A Significant Reputation

Posted on by
4

    “. . .(A)nd let her works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:31).

Some days are ponder days, and this weekend I had one of those days. As I thought about my accomplishments in comparison to what I still have yet to do, I lamented a bit. My ministry has not had the far-reaching impact that I expected. And as I thought about not having a broader audience like some of my secular counterparts, I heard the Lord say, “You want success and not significance.” Immediately I received the correction. The impact I wanted came with fame; the impact that is necessary comes with a making a positive difference.

Some months ago I learned a good deal about the difference between success and significance. My pastor, Christopher W. Brooks, preached a message on this, warning Christians that our lives should not be about seeking fame and being successful according to the world’s standard of obtaining money and material items and being well-known; we must be about changing lives for Christ’s sake, starting within our own homes.

This was the success of the Proverbs 31 woman. She took care of her husband, children and maids. Because she looked “well to the ways of her household” and was a hard worker, she had a good reputation; her work taking care of her home—a small audience—garnered her praise in her hometown. As I reviewed Pastor Brooks’ message, I understood more what God was telling me: I didn’t want what I already had; I wanted what someone else had. And what I have is significance because I am making a positive influence in the lives of those in my sphere, the gates that He has me within.

I’m not saying that we should shun money, material items or popularity. But our emphasis should be on accomplishing the goals God has given to us, and these goals always start with taking care of home. This is the greatest area of significance. This gives you a good reputation.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Work It Right

Posted on by
2

Right before Halloween I saw a woman at Target that I used to work with. She looked a bit harried. No, she looked downright frazzled and worn. I asked how she was doing, and she gave me the obligatory “fine” before going into why she was at the store and rushing to get out:

“Girl, yeah I still work there. Um, hum,” she said as she pierced her lips and rolled her eyes. “I have four kids, so going to work is a break for me, though. I’m at Target to get Halloween costumes. They have costumes for Trick or Treating, for a party at school and one of them has a birthday party that I had to get a costume and a gift for. Yeah, girl. When I get home, they be wanting to climb on me and get hugs and help with homework. I say, ‘Ask your daddy. Shoot. I’ve been working all day.’”

“All right, girl. I’ll see you later. God bless you, okay?”

“All right, Rhonda. See you later.”

And I hope to see her later to tell her, “That ain’t right. It ain’t right that you are 1) working a job to get away from your kids; 2) working hard to get your kids multiple Halloween costumes; 3) working hard to shun your children’s affection; and 4) working hard to avoid helping your kids with homework. It just ain’t right. This is not the working hard that a mother should do.” Many of us are hard workers, working hard at the wrong things and not having the energy to work hard at the right things, like cleaning our homes, nurturing our husbands and children, and being a reliable and trustworthy friend. This just ain’t right!

The best question to ask is “Is what I’m choosing to do most beneficial for what God has called me to do?” This was the question that stood out in my mind when I had to make the decision about feeding and educating my first child. It was breast milk v. formula and home school v. public school. I had good reason to choose formula over breast milk because Joshua could not latch on. And every indicator pointed to God guiding me to home school my attention craved child. I chose to express my breast milk so Joshua could have the best food available to him and to home school though I felt ill-equipped and non-desirous.

On many occasions I felt like my old colleague. In fact, I would say about Joshua’s clinginess, “He didn’t get the memo. The (umbilical) cord has been cut!” In my flesh I didn’t want to express milk and THEN have to feed my baby or homeschool. Using formula and sending Josh to school would have been more convenient for me. But I knew breast milk and home school would be best for him so I worked hard to give him both. We all must decide what’s most beneficial in order to accomplish what God has called us to do and not what we want to do. Working hard ain’t easy, but doing so for the right things saves a lot of time and energy and truly pleases the Lord.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Unnatural Affection

Posted on by
Reply

As I pondered my lesson for the women’s ministry service this week for the “World is in Your Womb” series (lessons on motherhood) at my church, I continued to be struck with Pastor Renee’s notion of maternal vision and blind parenting. In my message I kept that theme going as I looked at the biblical mothers Jochebed (Moses’ mom) (Exodus 2:1-10) and Rebekah (Jacob and Esau’s mom) (Genesis 25:19-34; 27). Jochebed represented the one with maternal vision and Rebekah was the blind mother.

I found that Jochebed was selfless, because she was
1. Cooperative. She didn’t fight against what God showed her about Moses. She went out of her way to ensure the best for her son.
2. Concentrated. She maintained her focus on her plans to save Moses. She never gave up but continued to be diligent.
3. Careful. She was meticulous with her efforts. She took her time like a skilled craftsman.

Opposite Jochebed was Rebekah, who was selfish, because her efforts were
1. Comfortable. She did what felt good to her.
2. Convenient. She did what came easy for her. She didn’t trust God with the unknown but worked to make prophecy come to pass in her own strength.
3. Calculating. She spent a great amount of time figuring out how to scheme, a method that was within her reach.

So though we must strive to be like Jochebed, there are a lot of reasons we fail and are blind mothers. Pastor Renee outlined these practical reasons in her blog post on Monday, which is definitely where Rebekah fell, but I want us to consider spiritual implications:

“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away” (2 Timothy 3:1-5) (italics mine).

So while we are working hard against our natural selfish tendencies, we must also work hard against our two other enemies, the world and the devil. These perilous times have come and mothers now lack “natural affection” for their children. A mother should naturally want her children, care for her children, fight for her children, and raise her children to be the best they can be. But this lacking of natural affection has entered our cultural landscape, has spread into Christianity, and has made many of us challenge the biblical notions of nurturing our children. What we are up against is more than a flesh and cultural war but a spiritual battle that only God’s word can equip us to handle. Timothy tells us to “turn away” from people who don’t have natural affection. This includes you turning away from the you that lacks natural affection and seeking God to restore to you what is essentially your birthright as a mother.

So I urge you mothers to gird your loins with truth, and put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand Satan’s schemes that have duped many of us to believe that it’s okay to be a Rebekah and too much work to be a Jochebed (Ephesians 6:10-18). Don’t fall for his lies but believe that God can restore to you natural affection for your children so you raise them to be the godly seed that they are supposed to be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Maternal Vision

Posted on by
1

Welcome my guest blogger, my pastor and friend Renee M. Carr, who will talk more about what it means to have maternal vision.

By Pastor Renee M. Carr

Too many women don’t recognize that they have the world in their womb, meaning the children they bear will impact the world, whether for good or for bad. As Christian women, we must recognize this reality and work to make sure that our children will make an impact on this world to the glory of Jesus Christ.

To help birth spiritually nurtured children who will affect change for God’s glory in the earth, mothers must have maternal vision. In Rhonda’s last post, she defined my notion of maternal vision as perceiving by any of your senses what must be done with your child; to have regard for and to cherish them; in essence, the ability to see what your child can become and, therefore, understand what needs to be done to help him or her to that point. Having maternal vision is the starting point for spiritual nourishment, but many women can’t begin because blind parenting is blocking their vision.

Blind parenting is interacting with your child but having no sense of who they will become (not seeing them) and, therefore, not knowing what to do to help them get there. It is the opposite of maternal vision. In order to not be a blind mother, you must work against the following:

1) Being a lazy mom, constantly delegating your maternal role to others. This could be an older child, grandparent or television. A good way to tell if you’re lazy is if you find yourself dropping off your child more than taking your child with you.

2) Lacking priority and education. You don’t prioritize the spiritual welfare of your children. You may give greater emphasis to non-spiritual activities, such as sports. And chances are you have never read a book on parenting or child development.

3) Being ill-focused or lacking balance of perspective. Focusing too much or too little attention on your child’s weaknesses or strengths or constantly prioritizing one child above the other are examples of being ill-focused or lacking balance of perspective.

4) Being spiritually, emotionally and mentally immature. When you have not developed in these three
areas, nine times out of 10 you will teach your children how to be spiritually, emotionally and mentally immature.

If at the heart of your character you are lazy, lack priority, education and balance of perspective, and are spiritually, emotionally and mentally immature, you are at risk for aborting your children whether physically or their purposed destiny. I know some of you reading this may have had a physical abortion. Please know that if you have repented, God has forgiven you. Receive His grace (1 John 1:9). If you haven’t repented, please know that God is there for you and wants to provide you with forgiveness. Please repent. And if you suspect that you have aborted your child’s purposed destiny, God wants you to repent, too. Now is the time to seek to have maternal vision so you don’t continue to alter any more of God’s plans for them.

In order to see who your children can become, do the following:

1) Cherish the basic and complex call to parenting (See Nurture Your Children).

2) Operate in faith. Just like Moses’ mom saw that he wasn’t an ordinary child, you too must see that your children are unique (Hebrews 11:23).

3) Pray. You need to constantly get wisdom from the Holy Spirit.

4) Spend quality time with your children. Know their likes and dislikes. Know who their friends are. Inquire about their academic development. Take them places they love and to new places to explore. Have bible study with them.

5) Obtain knowledge about child development. Study biblical material and apply them. Some good sources are “Growing Kids God’s Way” by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, “What the Bible Says About Child Training” by Richard Fugate and “The New Strong-Willed Child” by James Dobson.

6) Sacrifice and be positive about the sacrifice. People don’t need to hear you talk about being a martyr for your children. Realize that sacrifice is a part of motherhood and get to work.

By the grace of God, women, we can have maternal vision and set our children on a spiritually righteous course from our wombs to impact the entire world.

Copyright 2009 by Renee M. Carr

This was developed from the sermon series “The World in Your Womb” by Renee M. Carr, women’s pastor of Evangel Ministries, Detroit, MI. To get copies of the series, visit www.evangelministries.org or call 313-836-7732.

No Excuse for Abuse

Posted on by
Reply

Some women just don’t know how to nurture their children. Yesterday I was sitting in my child’s second grade glass with other parents and children, including non-school age ones, when one baby, about 2 or 3, whined just a bit too much for his mom so she popped him. I don’t know where she hit him but I heard the sound and then him crying as he blinked huge tears from his eyes that begged her to hug him, love him, what seemed like what his whining was about in the first place. She ignored his little brown face that beckoned to be kissed and for tears to be wiped away. Instead, she dismissed him to go with his older sister so she could nurture him instead.

As we observe domestic violence awareness month, with a particular emphasis on women, I don’t want us to forget the children. Granted, it’s hard to separate the focus on children when you are speaking about women who suffer abuse. Many times children experience abuse at the hands of their mother’s abusers. If they don’t suffer physical abuse, watching their mother suffer results in their arrested psychological, emotional, and social development among other stagnations. But my focus for this post is not physical violence against children at the hands of their fathers or mothers’ boyfriends but is on spiritual abuse against children at the hands of their own mothers.

With the broad definition of abuse being the improper treatment of somebody, especially on a consistent basis, I find that Christian mothers spiritually abuse their children when they don’t teach them spiritual principles to help them develop into healthy Christ-like human beings. Their children are bound to mirror the world’s ways that say the best success is financial and material gain. This spiritual abuse happens because some women simply don’t know what to do. Well, my women’s pastor, Renee M. Carr of Detroit’s Evangel Ministries, gives the first step that’s necessary to spiritually nurturing children: having what she calls “maternal vision.”

Maternal vision is to perceive by any of your senses what must be done with your child; to have regard for and to cherish them. In other words, you must be able to see what your child can become and, therefore, understand what needs to be done to help him or her to get there. Or in the negative sense, prevent him or her from getting there. God has wonderful plans in store for your children and Satan has diabolical ones. It’s our job as mothers to have maternal vision so we bring God’s plan to fruition and frustrate Satan’s devices so we nurture spiritually healthy children. We must see what type of parent, employer or employee, and friend they can become. We must see what type of moral agent they can become. In essence, we must see how God would have them impact the world. Begin to pray that God will open your eyes and other senses so you see His and Satan’s plans for your child so you can begin to develop a plan to spiritually nurture your child with precision.

In the next few posts, I plan to discuss more of Pastor Carr’s maternal vision, including how to get it and once you get it, what needs to be done to put it in motion. Stay tuned.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith