Category Archives: Motherhood

Responding to Homosexuality

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As you know, the wave of interviews for my son, the Lemonade Kid, have been many. Though I have been grateful to God for the chance to share Joshua’s story of how the power of prayer led him to the idea to raise money for the City of Detroit, the round of media interviews has been tiring. But I was reenergized by the potential of one: a guest appearance on Ellen. Find out in my latest EEW article, which begins below, why I was excited and how I believe we can use my moment to talk to our children about homosexuality.


When a reporter for a national black magazine asked Joshua what he thought about people around the world knowing about his popcorn and lemonade fundraiser for the City of Detroit, he matter-of-factly said, “I’m international.” For Josh, it wasn’t arrogance. He was just telling the reporter his current reality. He’s had pretty much the same nonchalant attitude when news outlets in Canada contacted us and even when he appeared on the biggies, like CNN and ABC World News Tonight and in Time Magazine. I was in awe of God’s move with these, but the one that really made me excited was when a producer from Ellen, as in Ellen DeGeneres, called. Though I don’t watch her show often, I LOVE Ellen.

After talking with us three times the producers decided not to go forward with having us on the show. (Maybe there was too much Jesus talk in the interviews. That would be my fault.) While we awaited their final decision I was excited about the possibility of going to meet Ellen, an incredibly generous, kind and hilarious woman, and to share with her the love of Jesus. Some of my friends thought we would turn down the invitation to appear on Ellen because she is a lesbian. Ellen’s character traits and her being a lesbian were the reasons I wanted to meet her. I may not be going on Ellen, but I think a kid-friendly version of what I planned to say is what we could use to help our children respond to the national and calculated move to normalize homosexuality. Read the rest here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#721-730
The boys showered and in bed before 9:30
A warm shower with lavender soap and vanilla body wash
Clean pillowcases
The boys being dressed and fed before 11 a.m.
A call from Sharon for her and her kids to hang out with me and my boys
Taking the kids to the library
Boys on bean bags
Justus on the computer
Finishing my blog post a day early
The edited cooking video

Parenting Partner & More

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Christen B. Johnson, more than my babysitter


I love this woman. My husband and boys do, too. We don’t know what we would do without her. Four years ago she started as my babysitter, but she is now a daughter, big sister, grace grower, an integral and intimate part of my family. She is the appendage I didn’t know was missing and sorely needed. I love this woman (Oh, I told you that!). I am so grateful for Christen B. Johnson, my glorious sweetheart! Read more in my latest EEW article, which begins below, about our relationship, how she has helped me beyond babysitting and how you, too, can be strengthened with parenting partnerships:

She came to me suddenly, unexpectedly with her bubbly way and smiling face. She had sat there in a center row, face focused front, but when I sat next to her she flashed me her 32s and my then 7 month old Nate clamored to be with her. We didn’t know her but she knew of me. She introduced herself and told me that she heard our women’s pastor mention me, knew that I was on maternity leave from ministry and had wondered who I was. Christen said she was single with no children and free to babysit my children anytime. I nodded and smiled. Even though I had just lost the help of another single woman with no kids who volunteered for six months to serve me and my family, mainly helping me with my newborn, it would take more than an introduction and a smile before I could trust this woman with my kids.

But after weeks of her offering and my desperation I invited this 24-year-old to have dinner with my family every Tuesday before our midweek services so we could get to know her. Immediately my boys liked her; my husband and I did, too, so I had her help me with the boys on Tuesdays and Sundays, the days my husband was fully engaged in ministry himself and I could supervise her interaction. Read the rest here.

My boys and Christen’s niece at the park with Christen


Nate at the library with Christen


Joshua playing ‘Ode to Joy’ on the pipes at the library with Christen


Justus at the library with Christen

My One Thousand Gifts List

#681-690
An invitation to contribute a cooking video to The Brand New Mommy Blog
Sharon rejoicing with me
Carla rejoicing with me
Flynn loading and running the dishwasher
Flynn calling Vince to produce my video
Vince being excited about producing my video
Children-initiated praise and worship
Nate blowing his trumpet in the corner toward the vase like he was making sure to praise God everywhere
A full night’s rest and early rising to have a rich time with God and a great start to prepare three meals
A clear outline for the parenting column

Parental Disdain for Children

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The last two weeks have overwhelmed me with the number of child abuse cases I have heard about. The volume and the acts have both taken life out of me and infused me with new mother life, making me more diligent to love my children the way God intends for me to love them. Even with my own resolve, I was moved to challenge others to examine themselves for even the slightest case of parental disdain for children, particularly their own. Read more about this in my latest EEW column, that begins below:


I warn you now. This article ain’t pretty. But how can it be, examining parental disdain for children that encompasses child hatred from gross sexual and physical abuse to cruel and even subtle mental and emotional abuse? The only way depths of sin can be extracted and discarded is if we identify and search for it, looking externally and internally. The ugliness of this wicked world and, sometimes and in some ways, in our homes, challenges us to look at the ugliness in our own hearts.

I cried like a baby when I heard the news: a 10-year-old girl weighed just 32 pounds, emaciated and malnourished, starved by the hands of her mother who locked the child in a closet where the child slept and relieved herself. Undoubtedly, the child experienced more than physical starvation, longing for her mother’s love, hoping someone would relieve her from pain and shame and confusion and wondering why this someone wasn’t her mother, why her mother was the one to do this to her. Even as I write I cry when I think of her; the 3 and 4 year old whose mother left them home alone so she could go party; the 4-year-old stepson of gospel singer James Fortune who Fortune scalded in a bathtub; and the victims of Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State football coach found guilty on 43 of 45 counts of sodomy and rape of young men entrusted to his care. All this, and the thought that Sandusky is apparently guilty of many more abuses, including sexually molesting his own son, has had me sad and contemplative for days. Read more here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#641-650
An invitation to speak at the Mother’s Day luncheon for the LIFT Women’s Resource Center
A relatively stress-free evening alone with the children and the challenge they presented (like one of the little ones wetting his pants and flooding the bathroom floor while I was trying to cook dinner
My husband demonstratively enjoying my house burgers
A rich time of fellowship with God in spite of Nate interrupting me
Another year for my sister
Getting an unexpected box of food from my neighbor that I was able to share with someone in need
Charyse doing my hair
Giving clothes to Sharon for Caleb, my nephew
A flattering and encouraging critique consultation from Ms. Burke
Talking to Nichole on her way home from Chicago

Discipline Gone Wrong

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What Do You Think? Wednesday
Sometimes disciplining a child biblically can be hard when the child is rebellious and hell-bent on remaining that way. Their behavior and attitude make you want to punch them. I know I’m not the only recovering strong black woman who feels this way. A lot of us, other women and daddies, too, feel this way. But the punching, slapping, cussing and throwing kids and things at kids’ way is not the way to discipline, regardless of their actions. Read more of my thoughts on this as I delve into what the Creflo Dollar child discipline ruckus should remind Christian parents about disciplining our children. This is my latest EEW column, which begins below. Read it and tell me what you think:

I told you about the time I wanted to punch Josh and the time I wanted to cuss him out and the time of the showdown. I have had my mommy moments when I have wanted to take my kids out of the world that I brought them into. But how does the discipline moment for the Christian get to the point where the police are involved, not because someone in a public bathroom witnessed, disagreed with your methods and called the police, but your own child called them to your house?

By now you have heard this is what happened to Creflo Dollar, the megachurch pastor of World Changers Church International in College Park, GA. News reports say Dollar and his 15-year-old daughter argued because he said she couldn’t go to a party. At some point the verbal sparring got physical, with Dollar allegedly choking, slapping, punching, and hitting his daughter with a shoe, though he denies punching his daughter.

Dollar says he was just trying to restrain her after she hit him. According to the incident report, Alexandria Dollar, 19, sister of the 15 year old, says her father “put both hands around her sister’s neck and choked her for about five seconds.” She also alleges that her dad grabbed her sister by the shoulders and slapped her in the face. And the 15 year old on the 911 call says the reported incident was “not the first time.” Dollar was arrested, taken to Fayette County Jail and released on $5,000 bond. He faces misdemeanor charges of simple battery and cruelty to children.

This incident disturbs me on a number of levels: that a girl seems to have been abused at the hands of her father; that the man involved declares to be a representative of God; that all of child discipline will be under greater scrutiny; and that this mars the church, God’s glory and Christianity. By Dollar’s own admission, he wrestled his daughter to the ground. I wasn’t there and don’t know all the details, but I don’t believe that a 50-year-old man has any business physically restraining a 15-year-old girl for any reason. The situation got out of hand, but how does child discipline in the home of Christians get this far? I don’t know for sure in Dollar’s case, but let me help us be mindful of what Scripture says that gives us insight into how we might avoid his fiasco happening to us:

Read more here.

Cool v. Consecrated

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Recovering strong black women have great burdens to shake, arguably the heaviest among them is making sure that everyone—family, friends, co-workers, bosses and underlings—is okay, that each feels and looks ok, and not only that those folks are okay but that others think those folks are okay, too. I think we feel this burden the most with our children, whether biological or spiritual. We want them to feel good about themselves, help them look good and teach them skills so they feel good about themselves and so that others feel good about them too. We just want them to fit in, even though we may contradict that when we push them so hard to excel in school, perhaps pushing them to be the best in their class. And there is nothing wrong with pursuing excellence. In fact, we all should, but for what reason?

Do we push our children to be the best so others will accept them or so they stand above the rest so we can smile with pride? Though I don’t explore in my latest EEW article the possibility of planting pride in our children, I do explore whether or not we emphasize their being cool over their being consecrated to the Lord. I praise God that for most of my life I didn’t worry about whether or not I was cool, but more importantly I praise God that He showed me my pride in those years and prompted me not to want to continue to swim in it. My great burden as a recovering strong black woman has been to shake my pride so I wouldn’t embrace being cool but would embrace being consecrated and that I could teach my sons the same. Read my column, which begins below, and let me know here on the blog and at the magazine site what your experience has been balancing the cool and consecration factors in your and your children’s lives.


My Joshua warms my heart. He’s kind, helpful and ultra compassionate. His tender 9-year-old heart finds the good in people whose actions consistently tell you they mean you no good. He’s a little quirky, indulging in the creation of academic worksheets for fun in addition to more traditional pastimes, like playing basketball and reading (especially the Bible). He talks and asks a bunch of questions about history, geography and the Bible. He loves the Bible, thinks he may be a pastor and wants to help just about everyone he sees in need. And he has a habit of falling, being a bit clumsy and somewhat awkward. Perhaps this is just a stage he is going through, but I sometimes worry about him making new friends and navigating other important social situations.

One of my relatives noticed that Joshua is awkward and told another relative that he wanted Joshua to hang with him so he could make him ‘cool.’ I was appalled and ashamed. How could my relative not think Joshua was good enough, that he was okay, perhaps just going through a transitional phase? And what hadn’t my husband and I done to help Joshua fit in so others wouldn’t be offended by his awkward sensibilities? My husband and I long ago had decided that our children being consecrated as opposed to being cool was our goal, but with my relative noticing Joshua’s awkwardness I entertained shifting my emphasis to creating classes on being cool.
I know I’m not alone. As Christian parents, even we want our children to be accepted among their peers. The question for us is, “To what extent do we go to ensure that our children are socially accepted?” Read more by clicking here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#581-590
Hearing from agent and consultant regarding my book proposal
Tabitha being available to watch the children next week Wednesday and Friday
God waking me up early to spend time with Him
Finishing my blog post before 9 a.m. (and even most of it before taking Joshua to school)
Being conscious of not raising my voice at the children
Another long day with Flynn gone all evening helping me to practice longsuffering and the Fruit of the Spirit
Keeping the kitchen clean
A supportive and comforting husband
A morning nap
Good fellowship with Simone, Tiffany and their children