Category Archives: Definitions

Three Tips for Avoiding Slander

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Avoid evil for evil (Romans 12:17)—Human nature’s typical response to someone doing something evil to you is 1) disbelief; 2) to wonder why she did it; 3) to figure out how to get her back; and 4) to get her back. This pattern always leads to slander. Wondering why often has you creating scenarios regarding your culprit’s thoughts and the motives in her heart. This will not change the slander nor make your culprit remorseful. Neither will trying to figure out how to get her back and getting her back remove the wrong done to you and change your perpetrator’s heart. Instead of traveling the slanderous road, bless the one who did evil to you (Romans 12:14). You can do this by 1) praying that God changes her heart and 2) doing something more practical for her like providing for a basic need or sending her a note of forgiveness or encouragement (Proverbs 25:21-22).

Focus on being a friend—Sometimes your friends are the ones who do you wrong. With them too avoid evil for evil and concentrate on being a friend by 1) loving at all times (Proverbs 17:17); 2) providing earnest counsel (Proverbs 27:9 and Ephesians 4:15); and 3) encouraging and challenging her (Proverbs 27:17 and Romans 14:19). Loving at all times includes even when your friend shows you no love. Love should always be unconditional because this is how Jesus Christ loves us. If you concentrate on being a friend, you don’t have time, energy or inclination to travel the slanderous road.

Remember your job as an ambassador of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20)—Whatever you do is a reflection of our Christianity. If you wrong people because they wrong you, people will believe the God you claim to love does the same. You’ve heard, “If that’s the way Christians act, then I don’t want to be a Christian” or something similar. As an ambassador of Jesus Christ, you have to represent Him by doing what He would do, loving the way He loved. This is the way you draw people to Jesus Christ. This is the Christian’s main mission (Matthew 28:18-20).

Remember, God says that He will provide vengeance to those who have done evil (Romans 12:19 and 2 Thessalonians 1:6). We must trust God at his Word, all of it. If He says to avoid evil for evil , be a friend, and remember our job as ambassadors of Christ, this is what we must do. This is faith and is what pleases God (Hebrews 11:6). We must think about what our actions will accomplish and then choose the actions that will reflect the character of Christ. Easy? No. Required? Yes. And being nonslanderous is possible through prayer and following the example of Christ (Psalm 119:133 and 1 Peter 2:21).

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Rid Your Slanderous Talk, Part 2

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Life can be quite overwhelming for all of us. Family issues, financial crises, unending wars and everyday routines can make any one of us want to give up on any given day. And don’t be a black woman. Like any other “double minority,” there is another set of complexities that comes with our lives. But whether you’re black or white, male or female, economically and socially privileged or deprived, as a Christian you are required to rid yourself of slanderous talk. This is not easy, so here are a few more tips:

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)—We are told to tell the truth, but we must remember to be mindful of how we tell the truth. We can’t simply say that we had to tell the person the truth; we have to ask ourselves our motive behind why we are going to say what we intend to say. We not only have to make sure our motives are right, we have to check our tone of voice, the timing of what we say and the place we choose to say it. Our heart could be right, but our voice could betray us. Speaking to someone when they’ve just had a traumatic experience may not be the right time to tell someone that they’re shiftless. And doing so in front of friends may leave them embarrassed and hopeless. Speaking the truth in love is summarized with Ephesians 4:29:

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” This verse tells us to speak what is good so that we edify and minister grace to others. Good has several meanings but the one that I believe applies to this verse is “useful.” Our language should be useful so we build up (edify) others, particularly promoting “another’s growth in Christian wisdom, piety, happiness, holiness” (Blue Letter Bible Concordance). And we should deliver this useful message with grace, which is “good will, loving-kindness.” Anything short of Ephesians 4:29 is slander.

So whether we like it or not, want to use it or not, Ephesians 4:29 applies when you’re happy and when you’re sad. It holds true when you’re healthy and when you’re ill. Ephesians 4:29 must be in the forefront when you don’t like your husband and when your kids get on your last nerve. When someone is rude or mean to you, tries to discourage or hate on you, you must invoke Ephesians 4:29. If you’re angry or bitter, let Ephesians 4:29 help heal your soul and perhaps the soul of the person who has offended you. Even if the other person is not healed, know that God sees you and is pleased. Let’s strive to make pleasing God our only motivation to speak what is good.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Rid Your Slanderous Talk, Part 1

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Harsh words may have been our way, but as the previous two posts on slander have shown, this is not the way we should be. For so many of us—black women in America, fighting back and proactively countering inevitable sexist and racists attacks, slander has been a way of life. Fighting with harsh words may the American way, but as Christian women we must choose God’s way. Here’s what He says:

Recognize the difficulty in taming your tongue (James 3:7-8)—We are told, “For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; [it is] an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” This is a fact that we must accept.

Call on God for help (Psalm 107)—Once you recognize your difficulty of taming your tongue, seek God’s help. He tells us how hard it is for us to tame our tongue, yet requires that we do so. James 3 tells us that the remedy for taming the tongue is to use “the meekness of wisdom” (v. 13), giving someone sound guidance in a gentle manner. The only way that we can do so is with God’s help because wisdom is not natural to us; it comes from God (Isaiah 11:2). Don’t quench His help (1 Thessalonians 5:19); pursue it.

Be meek (Titus 3:2)—I have friends who are astonished at how I use grace with them. One knew me as Zorro; the other has given me free reign to tell whatever I need to tell her, but God still leads me to do so gently. This is because I know if I give myself license to slander, I may help her in the short run but in the long run she may be damaged. I don’t want to leave that to chance. She has given me the power to speak however I want, but I’d rather choose meekness, having my power under control, instead of railing on her.

There is so much more to say so stay tune for Monday’s part 2 installment.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Slander Hurts

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People used to call me Zorro because I could slash you with words and leave a mark to prove that I had done it. My words caused pain in the name of the truth, setting the record straight and getting someone told. I was not God fearing or holy. I wanted others to feel my wrath, and they did. I was a good Zorro, but I had to give up playing that part. The role hurt others and marred my reputation.

Even though I spoke the truth, I was wrong because my main intent was never to help but always to hurt; I wanted to expose others’ wrongs and make them feel bad while doing so. I never considered what I did as slander, but a close look at the Scriptures lets me know that’s what I was doing. The Hebrew word (Old Testament) for slander means whispering, defamation, evil report, and unfavorable saying, and the Greek word (New Testament) means to rail at, revile, speak reproachfully and to blaspheme. The New Testament phrase is often rendered “to be evil spoken of.” So slander could be lying or telling the truth. All lying about someone is slander. Lies, even well meaning ones, destroy integrity. The truth could be considered slander when you use truth to rail at or defame someone intentionally or unintentionally. The outcome of slander—whether done through lying or truth, intentionally or unintentionally, is always corruption. This is why Scripture warns us so many times to not slander and warns of the outcome (Exodus 20:16; 1 Tim. 3:8, 11; 2 Tim. 3:3; Titus 2:3). Simply put, if you slander just know that you

1) strengthen the works of evil doers (Exodus 23:1; Ezekiel 13:22);
2) associate yourself with Satan (John 8:44; Matt. 12:33, 7:17-18);
3) may endure God’s wrath (Psalm 101:7; Proverbs 19:5, 9; Malachi 3:5); and
4) reveal that you don’t (intimately) know God (Jeremiah 9:3-6).

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Will you continue to let your tongue thrust like a sword to strengthen the works of evil doers, associate yourself with Satan, endure God’s wrath and remain ignorant of God or will you choose to be wise to heal with your words? The choice is yours.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Slander Me Not

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“Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear-hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh”—Jude 22-23.
Warning: This is a fire snatching poem to save my sisters from the destruction of slander.

Slander Me Not

You like to say only sticks and stones
Hurt your bones but names do hurt you,
Pimp slap you, sucker punch you, arrest you, knock you out in disbelief, give you grief
Harsh words make you stumble
You recover, then sputter some choice words yourself
You black “B” or fat cow
You ugly “B” or dumb dog
But that’s not all in the name calling repertoire.
You can be a snotty sophisticate
Use your intellect and shift from the gutter to self-assuredly utter
“I wouldn’t have done it like that. I thought you knew better than that.”
You can move from snotty to spiritual
Take your words so that others hear it as concern:
“I called the Pauls because I think they’ve fallen out with Pastor.”
“We have to pray for Earline; she’s having marital problems.”
Or you can broaden your approach
Bring in a same breath reproach
Change from spiritual whisperer to a double dipping wordsmith
Bring gifts to a friend
Then stab her in the back with the walk away attack:
“Girl, I love that hat.” “She thinks she’s all that. I have one that’s better than that.”
You a gut-busting, sucker punching, pimp slapping, heart wrenching slanderer
Using words to make false claims, curse and bless and bringing shame upon others.
Your words cut deep
You conceive to deceive, to please your flesh instead of only bless your neighbors.
You’re a slanderer
Speaking death instead of life
Handling words to engender strife
This is the life of a Christian?
This cannot be.
This should not be.
Jesus Christ died so this would not be.
So please let it not be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith