Category Archives: Definitions

Momma Wife?

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“I got four kids,” I’ve heard women with three children say, taking a stab at their husband by classifying him as the fourth child. A lot of us women feel this way when we pick up our husbands’ clothes, help them figure out logistics and do housework. We think, “What would they do without us?” or “I didn’t sign up to be his mother.” Though these tasks can be annoying, God’s idea of a wife wasn’t a built-in slave for a husband. I don’t even think it was for husbands to be dependent upon wives; I believe God’s idea of a wife being a helper to her husband was the woman’s role in an interdependent relationship, two different minds coming together to compliment the other for the glory of God’s kingdom. I believe the idea of a helper, or a nurturer, was intended for the husband’s growth, not so he can glory in his achievements but so he would be equipped to accomplish God’s will for the salvation of mankind.

Two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us this for three reasons: 1) if one falls, the other is there to help her up; 2) if they lie down together, they will be warmer than if they lied down alone; and 3) one may be overpowered by an enemy, but two will be able to resist him. Each of these instances shows interdependence, both parties benefiting from the relationship. And most of us want the person on our team to be at his best. Being a nurturer helps a husband to be at his best to give you his best and to fight the enemy. When you are both at your best, you think clearly and can properly prioritize. And the number one priority for a believer is to make God known throughout the earth, and to defeat our number one enemy, Satan, is at the top of the list in order to achieve this.

I think too many so-called strong black women protest nurturing their husbands with a “what about me? What’s he going to do for me?” And those are legitimate questions, but I believe Ecclesiastes helps to answer those and so do Ephesians 5:25-33, Colossians 3:19, 1 Corinthians 7:3 and 1 Peter 3:7. You need to know what your husband’s role is too. And you shouldn’t enter a marriage if you aren’t sure that your mate can be a husband according to Scripture. But if your husband goes crazy in the marriage and forgets that he is a biblical husband, you are not absolved from being a biblical wife.

What god put together, let no man tear apart (Mark 10:9). We focus so much on this meaning the couple shouldn’t divorce and rightly so because this is the proper interpretation, but I want us to apply this to the roles that God put in place for the wife. We cannot tear away the biblical roles from the definition of wife because God defined the wife. When we decide to do so is like us deciding to be God. We are not free to redefine our roles to our level of comfort. Let us be the wives, the nurturers of our husbands, that God called us to be.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Wife Addition

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Are you an addition or a subtraction? If you are an addition, what do you add? If you are a subtraction, what do you subtract? These are questions we need to ask ourselves when we are involved with any relationship, but I want to focus first on family relationships, particularly with the husband. Single ladies, don’t stop reading; this is for you, too. You need to know whether you would be an addition or subtraction to your husband. So many wives are subtractions to their husbands—emasculating and dehumanizing them—because they didn’t know what God had called a wife to be. I’ll give you some of what Scripture says about being an addition to your spouse—a nurturer, if you will, and in following posts I will help you to understand the impact of a nurturer and help you to be one.

The Call for Addition

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Someone who adds to something so that it grows, becomes better, is a nurturer. This is the role of a wife for her husband, a helper, doing what’s necessary to encourage him to grow. I think women have been so brainwashed into believing that encouraging a husband to grow only involves the wife cooking, cleaning, and having sex so that the husband is free to flourish at work. This is the objection I hear to being a Proverbs 31 woman. Rarely do I hear anyone focus on the emotional care that wives are called to.

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:11-12).

If you only focus on spoil, which means gain, you could believe that this scripture is only speaking about physical gain. If that was the case, the writer simply could have said, “Her husband doth safely trust in her” instead of “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” But when a husband trusts a wife with his heart—the seat of his emotions, he trusts that she will not trample it: No name calling, illicit affairs, double-talk, withholding sex or anything else done to mess with his mind and damage his heart. When considering a husband’s heart and his having “no need of spoil,” this means he has no need to seek emotional comfort elsewhere—in his job, recreation or in the arms of another woman. You provide him good and not evil until you die because you are an addition to his life, and, because of you, he should have no need to add anything or anyone else to satisfy him.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Redeem Your Time

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“She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls” (Proverbs 31:15).

This scripture has always fascinated many Christian women because they were expected to wake up early on top of handling all the other responsibilities of a so-called Proverbs 31 woman. I have always been an early riser, so that part doesn’t fascinate me like the fact that she had servants, but I digress and will get back to that point in the next post, Lord willing. But even though I rise early and find it beneficial to my day, I think there is a larger principle at work in this scripture. The Proverbs 31 woman rose early so she could begin to handle her business and the business of her family before having to interact with her family. She used the time of day best for her to be singularly focused on family business and not on family members themselves.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is” (Ephesians 5:15-17).

Ephesians tells us to use our time wisely, or as some translations say “redeem the time,” “because the days are evil.” This phrase suggests that there is so much turmoil in the world that it can be easy for the Christian to focus on their pain and suffering, whether that pain comes from attacks against Christianity, the work that goes into keeping a daily routine or physical ailments that we are all prone to. But our focusing on our pain should not be all-consuming because we miss the ability to make “the best use of the time.” Our time is supposed to be used to accomplish “the will of the Lord.”

“For everything comes from him; everything exists by his power and is intended for his glory. To him be glory evermore. Amen” (Romans 11:36 NLT).

Because we were created for God’s glory, we must spend our time giving him glory, which means focusing our efforts to display that we belong to God and so that others will come to know Him. Each of us is called to do this but in different ways, according to our gifts and talents. So if we are spending time to accomplish anything other than giving God glory, we are not being wise; we need to seek the Lord to understand not His will, because I’ve told you that, but how He wants us to accomplish His will. Knowing how to accomplish God’s will helps us to be that Proverbs 31 woman, and doing God’s will is the only way to use our time wisely.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Watch Your Time

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Years ago I remember reading the story of a black woman executive who served everyone: friends, family, colleagues, and community. She was a strong black woman, a superwoman who seemed to have it all together until she was found dead, a victim of suicide to escape a world where time was her enemy, willingly taking her hostage and bounding her to destruction. Perhaps she was a people pleaser, wanting everyone to like her for what she did for them. Maybe she needed to feel needed so she responded to every beck and call. Whatever the underlying issue for this troubled woman, I know that above all she was not prudent with her time.

Some people may think that this is an unfair statement, saying that not budgeting her time wisely is ultimately what killed her. But when you look at anyone who is overwhelmed, whether to the point of death or not, nine times out of ten the issue is using time unwisely. You don’t use time wisely when you spend time doing something you shouldn’t be doing. This could mean that you give time to projects, pleasures and people where your efforts should be focused elsewhere. You could be altogether engaged in something that you shouldn’t or engaged in something that you should but just spending too much or too little time with it.

For instance, you may have a beautiful voice and decide to sing in your church choir when God wants you to pursue being a recording artist instead. Or you may have a beautiful voice and should sing in a choir, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that you should teach voice lessons to choir members, sing every solo that’s offered to you and direct the choir. In both instances, time is not being used wisely. We have all decided to watch TV, go shopping or talk on the phone instead of doing some work. And with people, we may see a need and decide we should meet it even though we know that need doesn’t fall within our calling. Or we might have to call to ask someone a question to meet a deadline, but we end up handling that person’s issue for 45 minutes. All these are instances of time spent unwisely, even doing some good but not doing our good.

Above all, I think the ultimate waste of time is focusing on projects, pleasures and people instead of giving appropriate intimate time to God. Ephesians 5:15-17 says, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Focusing on God first and fully helps to ensure that we are prudent with our time, not just doing good but doing the good that God would have us to do.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith

Resourceful Woman

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Joshua's first day in public school

Joshua's first day in public school

Resourceful Woman
I am a sonic force
Building lives
And busting lies
Told to them, about them, to bury them, deter them
To make them just quit.

With a well-placed word
Stuck in faces
That place me as other
I defend to no end
And regulate as I calculate to conquer these sins.

Who am I?

I am a soul warrior
Stepping boldly to my Father’s thorn
Telling him what’s happening, all that’s gone wrong.
Battling the heavens by letting the Spirit lead my cries
Trusting in His word
And turning my sighs into high fives
Cuz I know the outcome of my steppin’ boldly
He’s gonna work all things out, just like he told me
Cause I love him and am called by him
For his purpose and not mine
And He will establish it.

Who am I?

I’m a crafty soul lifter
Speaking life to the listless
Empowering limbs of the shiftless
Changing minds of the helpless
Soothing hearts of the hopeless

I see a need and take heed
To my calling
I regard all that’s in my sight
Calling it out
Praying it out
Laying it out
In the physical and the spiritual
Using all that’s within me
And whatever I can find that’s without me

I use my intellect and spiritual connects to keep it all tact
And you better believe that!
Who am I?

I am a woman
Not every woman
But a resourceful one
Pulling all the stops
And not ever stopping
Until the oppressors bow
The weak and hopeless get strength
and helpless don’t cow
And the resources brought forth
To make the seemingly impossible come forth for justice and peace
Security and meat
A prosperous life that’s complete
All that is needed for me and my family.

Like the Proverbs 31 woman, we are called to be resourceful, to go out of our way to make provisions for our families. We may not be a seamstress, business woman, early riser or gardener, but strength and honor can be our clothing, and we can ask God for wisdom and kindness to look “well to the ways of (our) household” (Proverbs 31:25-27). This call to be resourceful is what led me to fight for my son Joshua to be placed in public school when he was rejected.

Joshua outside of 2nd grade classroom

Joshua outside of 2nd grade classroom

My fight got him in where God wanted him, and I am happy to say that Joshua said “I was a little scared at first (to go to school), but then I calmed down. I liked it a lot. We learned a lot. I had a lot of fun.” When we follow God’s plan and are the resourceful women God has called us to be, things will work out in our favor, not necessarily like we want but just like what God wants for the prosperity of our entire family.

Copyright 2009 by Rhonda J. Smith