Category Archives: Control

Not My Own

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What Do You Think? Wednesday

In the midst of fruit snacks, brother spats, show and tell and tattle tells, I wrote the sermon, at least most of it, for a message at Kingdom Builders Christian Church in Redford, Michigan last Saturday. God had been speaking to my spirit for two weeks “speak life.” This is what He wanted me to tell the women. This is what He wanted them to do. This is what He wanted me to get. He wanted me to speak life, the one He has for me that is wrapped up in Him: Continue reading →

Dare to Date

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This season of mothering has been intense for me as my children’s personalities, likes and dislikes are becoming clearly evident. At times it can be scary for me, wondering if I am guiding them right, bending their wills to the will of the Lord without stripping them of the essence God gave them to worship Him. As a recovering strong black woman I fight against trying to control situations. I want to be clear about the difference between training my children to give them a good foundation and simply trying to make them do what I believe is best for them. Though I always seek to operate according to God’s Word, sometimes the lines are blurred when raising my beautiful strong-willed boys. Though I have a few years before they will be of typical dating age, I have recently been thinking about whether or not to let them date. My great concern is their spiritual, physical and emotional integrity. I know that I can’t prevent them fornicating, but I also know I don’t have to make it easy for them either; I don’t have to give my blessing to an supervised one-on-one interaction where temptation may just be too great for them or the girl they are with to control themselves. These are some of my early thought about whether or not I will allow my boys to date (and my husband feels the same way). Read my latest EEW column, which begins below, for more of my thoughts on this:


Whether to let our teens date can be a hairy decision for us Christian parents. We have to consider issues like if our children are mature enough to handle the emotions that come with being in a relationship, if we are providing easy access for them to sin and how they will handle a likely breakup. My oldest child is almost 10 so I have a few years before I really concern myself with his dating, but for some of you the time is now and perhaps more intense as prom season is upon us.

Should you let your children date? Is it biblical to do so? I can’t say for sure, but as I look back on my tumultuous dating life and my hand in helping my goddaughter decide about dating I just don’t know if I will let my sons date. The cons seem to outweigh the pros, not in number but in the potential impact the cons could have on them. Do I risk a lifetime of heartache for a few moments of seeming pleasure for them? Do I let them experience what many term a teenage rite of passage just so they won’t feel left out? To bring perspective to this issue, I talked to Christian parents who have made firm decisions, some to allow their children to date and others who forbid dating. I share their words and scriptures I have been meditating on to help you decide what is best for your children. Read more here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#561-570
More clothes to giveaway to a couple with a new baby
A beautiful card and monetary gift from a beloved couple
A challenging sermon about racial reconciliation
A pastor who hears from God
Christen babysitting the children
A dinner date with Flynn
A blog custom-written for someone God had on His mind
A Bible study with Joshua in Nehemiah
Joshua asking can we have a “word of the week,” a new big word to learn
God’s grace in caring for the children while Flynn was at DBI

Just Be Faithful

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I want to send out notes, thinking of you and thank you, and buy gifts whenever I feel moved. I want to cook elaborate dinners, take the boys to the park every sunny day and not yell at them at all. I want to wear fancy suits, sharp shoes and give a dollar to those needy passersby. I want to rise early daily, mop my floors weekly, have a getaway monthly, take a longer trip quarterly and plan the family trip to wherever we want to go in the world.

But sometimes I send up prayers and give oral thank yous, make lists of gifts, cook what’s easy to fix, spend some sunny days indoors or in the backyard, say ‘please forgive me,’ wear what’s in my closet, give a nod and ‘I’m sorry’ to most needy passersby, get up whenever I can get the body to rise, spot clean and vacate to another room or another world in books.

Sometimes you get to church at 11:45, have just enough clean plates for the dinner meal and have to tell the raw truth when they ask you how you’re doing. That strong black woman mantle is too heavy to carry and nobody should expect you to carry it anyway. “Now, a person who is put in charge as a manager must be faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2). God only asks that we are faithful, that we do the best that we can—truly our best—and if that is less than our best in another less busy or less lean season of our lives then that is the best for now. And that is always enough, at least in the eyes of God, the only ones that matter, and for that I am thankful.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#551-560
A nap
Completing my book proposal
Supporting Christen by attending her play
Flynn being a hands-on dad, including today bathing Nate and Justus
Flynn cooking
Forman Mills having good deals
A productive and stress-free day
God’s grace for getting the boys and me ready for church
Christen’s faithfulness in helping me
Flowers and a card from Tabitha

You Have the Sunshine

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What Do You Think? Wednesday
When you have no human place to go you always have that spirit place, that place where you should travel first, right to the feet of Jesus. And this is where I found myself Monday night in my bed in tears with fist hitting my pillow after a day of blowing my nose raw, rallying boys for meals and away from melees, encouraging them to complete work, getting mom more ice cream and on and on and on. On this night, two days after spending the night in the hospital with my newly discovered asthmatic 2 year old, three days with scattered sleep and three days without a shower I cried out to God, told Him I was tired and I didn’t want to be sick and that I was spent from giving and giving and giving and what did I have? I just wanted to get some rest and eat some choice foods and I had none of these. What do I have?

Like only God can, with His infinite wisdom and considerate care for my needs, not just my wants, He said so gently, “You have the sunshine.” I immediately thought about the scripture that says God shines the sun on the evil and the good when Jesus was telling His disciples to have mercy on their enemies because He does (Matthew 5:44-45). I didn’t know what that had to do with me. So he repeated, “You have the sunshine” then somehow I knew God was saying I had something bigger, something better, something more than rest and choice foods that my weariness had me longing for. I had a magnanimous blessing that I could never get for myself. If I could see the sun, I had life. I am living and breathing enough to give me another chance to live life, to make it better, to take a shower, eat choice foods and sleep. I have sunshine (even when it’s tucked behind the clouds).

Remember, your days may be gloomy but you, too, have sunshine, a reminder that we are still here and have another chance to make life better.

What was a word God gave you, perhaps directly, through another person, in the Bible or some other reading, which gave you the perspective that you needed?

How to Do Better

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What Do You Think? Wednesday

“I know, LORD, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course.”—Jeremiah 10:23

When you know better you do better, at least that what my mama says and that’s what should happen. But sometimes we know better and just don’t do better for a number of reasons:

  • We may know better but not how to do better.
  • We may know better but are afraid of the result of doing better.
  • We may know better but like the result of not doing better.
  • We may know better but don’t want the inconvenience that we think comes with doing better.

Or we may avoid doing better because we just want to remain in control, any change throwing off our well-working system. Sometimes avoidance is about control. Regardless of our reason, we are guilty of not doing better when we know better; there’s no way around that: “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin” (James 4:17). But how do we get over the obstacles we let stand in our way of doing what we know is right? How do we follow after righteousness and forsake sin?

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).

Pray for wisdom and then follow it. That teaches us how to do better.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).

God is always with us and won’t ever fail us. We can know that our outcomes will be divine because we have God’s power and provision. That should freeze our fear of doing better.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us…” (Ephesians 3:20).

We think we like best what we see but God can do far better than that. That shows us we’re likely to care more for the results of doing better.

“Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me” (Psalm 119:33). When we ask God to order our steps according to His word, God’s ways and not our ways will be the order of the day. “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9).

That puts the convenience in our doing better.

Our way to doing better is a constant press. When we stop pressing, we stay the same or get worse. When we stop pressing we give Satan room to press into our path and wreak our lives. We have our place. We have our plan. We must press. We can press when we

listen to God;
let Him guide us; and
love God enough to follow and love others through Him.

Doing better when we know better is the Christian obligation. What are some other reasons we don’t do better even if we know better? How are you handling doing better because you know better? Please, let me know what you think.