Category Archives: Multitudes on Mondays

Just Be Faithful

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I want to send out notes, thinking of you and thank you, and buy gifts whenever I feel moved. I want to cook elaborate dinners, take the boys to the park every sunny day and not yell at them at all. I want to wear fancy suits, sharp shoes and give a dollar to those needy passersby. I want to rise early daily, mop my floors weekly, have a getaway monthly, take a longer trip quarterly and plan the family trip to wherever we want to go in the world.

But sometimes I send up prayers and give oral thank yous, make lists of gifts, cook what’s easy to fix, spend some sunny days indoors or in the backyard, say ‘please forgive me,’ wear what’s in my closet, give a nod and ‘I’m sorry’ to most needy passersby, get up whenever I can get the body to rise, spot clean and vacate to another room or another world in books.

Sometimes you get to church at 11:45, have just enough clean plates for the dinner meal and have to tell the raw truth when they ask you how you’re doing. That strong black woman mantle is too heavy to carry and nobody should expect you to carry it anyway. “Now, a person who is put in charge as a manager must be faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2). God only asks that we are faithful, that we do the best that we can—truly our best—and if that is less than our best in another less busy or less lean season of our lives then that is the best for now. And that is always enough, at least in the eyes of God, the only ones that matter, and for that I am thankful.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#551-560
A nap
Completing my book proposal
Supporting Christen by attending her play
Flynn being a hands-on dad, including today bathing Nate and Justus
Flynn cooking
Forman Mills having good deals
A productive and stress-free day
God’s grace for getting the boys and me ready for church
Christen’s faithfulness in helping me
Flowers and a card from Tabitha

The Primacy of Marriage

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Living this life can be tough. We all have so many responsibilities that seeking to manage them all indeed is more than a full-time job. Juggling several responsibilities often leads to a high level of stress and can cause us to handle issues out of their proper order just to get them done. For recovering strong black women, who have traditionally made things happen their own way, following another’s design for order may not be something we are inclined to want to do. But God has an order for all things, including marriage, and expects us to follow. I am so grateful God has continually impressed on my heart the importance of marriage though I have stumbled at times with putting it first. Read more of what I have to say about the primacy of marriage, for married and single women, in my latest EEW Column, which begins below:

I wake up rushed many days, having slept longer than I wanted, keeping me from having a few hours alone before the children arise. On these days we rise within 20 minutes or so of each other because I have stayed up late hanging out with my night-owl hubby. This wasn’t always the case. While I worked hard in some areas to have a strong marriage, like seeking to be gentle in my speech, I was a stickler about going to bed at 9 p.m., well before Flynn wanted to call it a night.

I wanted to be able to wake up at 4 a.m. to have half the morning to myself to pray, study the Bible, clean the house and help my husband get off to work. I would spend the rest of the day pouring into the children and in the evening I was too wiped out to talk much beyond children updates, let alone have regular physical intimacy with my husband. Though my husband and I have always been good friends, I knew there was a level of closeness we didn’t have and I knew it was because we both had opted for me to rest from being so tired from giving to the children. Even on this “small” scale we, without even being conscious of it, were allowing the children to pull our marriage apart by putting their needs above our own.

Maybe you can relate to this because this happened to your parents or is happening to you. Most of your hours are spent doing for the children, carting them to this practice and that program, assisting with homework and engaging in the everyday life of nurturing children. Yes, our children need us, but we can’t put our children before our marriage, be that marriage to a spouse or, for single women, to God. And when Christian marriages are torn apart, the Kingdom of God is torn apart. Read more at EEW Magazine.

My One Thousand Gifts List
#541-550
Editing an article for a website
Skinning and seasoning chicken with amazing quickness
Flynn grocery shopping
Being able to iron Flynn’s clothes for church
Justus lying on my chest after nursing
Justus holding my finger, leading me to the den and not wanting to let go
Great, clear direction from God
A fast and informative blog post
An interview on the Chocolate Pages Network
Kamil picking up and babysitting the boys so I could go to court

Beauty in Routine

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There can be something beautiful about routine. I wake up before the children, pray, write, clean stray dishes, fix mom breakfast and give her meds, eat, shower and dress, rally the boys, get them washed and dressed (some days), fed, and schooled. This is my routine, the items I can count on doing. The everyday knowing what to do and what to expect can be settling. But for those who don’t want to be settled, those wild horses unlikely to ever love the tame, routine can be a chore, a bore, a way to lose self in the process. Surprisingly, I find myself mostly loving the routine of my life that satisfies the control freak in me, but then my adventurous side wants to let the routine go so I can flow, be free. I thought this as I washed my first of three piles of dishes of the day while sausages sizzled and fruit sat waiting to become drinks. With no routine there would be no order: no clean dishes, so nothing to cook or serve food in, thus hungry whiny children and an overwhelmed stressed out mother trying to simultaneously make room and meals. Routine speaks to faithfulness, something you can always count on to bring you the stability that we need. Routine provides the order we need to balance the inevitable interruptions that come on any given day. Though at times I want to buck routine, I know the tragic result of doing so: chaos, confusion and a mean mama. Routine keeps me grounded and I need to cherish its benefits. After all, our greatest example of faithfulness, of routine if you will, is God, and in Him we have a perfect reason to appreciate routine:

“He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one” (2 Thessalonians 3:3).

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful” (Hebrews 10:23).

Our God, whose essence is faithful, can never change. Faithful is who He is and He acts based on His faithfulness. Because He is always the same, we can count on Him. When I long for more than the routine I prompt myself to remember that God, Faithful, is more than enough and with Him I have the stability I need for my entire life and to make it just one more day. I am indeed grateful for this.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#531-540
Contacting blogs to feature Motherhood devotional
Not having to cook
Flynn being home in the evening
Flynn putting all the boys to bed
Shelita Williams calling me “pretty lady”—though she calls every woman that it still felt genuine and good
God loudly speaking during my quiet time, giving me two articles to write on pride
God saving my two youngest children from hurting themselves when they were about to fall—Justus off the bed and his head about to hit the nightstand and Nate down the stairs; both children’s falls were interrupted at my calling out “Jesus.” I saw Justus being carried and placed back on the bed and Nate stopped in the middle of the stairs down which he was falling.
Getting confirmation about being on the Chocolate Pages radio show

Purpose in Pain

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Most challenging weeks I wonder what I should be learning from the experience and this week is no different. Is something wrong with me? Is God trying to show me something? Do I need to get tougher? Am I being rebuked? I ask these questions because I know God doesn’t waste anything; He uses everything for my good and maybe even the good of someone else. We may not know what the purpose of our going through is at the time but our going through has a purpose.

I remember four years ago being in the most excruciating back pain I have ever experienced when I was preparing to minister at my church. My degenerated spine had gotten worse and three vertebrae had begun to pinch my nerve. The pain was so bad that my cries were yelps. My husband and friend, who was by at the time, just laid hands on and prayed for me. The pain dulled and I was able to minister that evening, but later the pain returned and landed me on the floor in anguish. When I cried out to God He asked me did I trust Him. I said yes. He then told me that He was doing a new thing in me. He also told me that my pain experience would teach my friend, husband and sons something. I told God that I would receive whatever He had for me (knowing that what I said was dangerous but I was telling the truth) so that His will could be accomplished.

The very next day my friend said she had learned from watching me press on with my responsibilities in spite of my physical pain. She compared her emotional pain to my physical pain and said she sees physical pain worse because in my case there’s not much I can do to relieve myself. She said she could do something about her emotional pain and would seek to do so. Later that day my husband was surprised that I sounded cheery even though my pain was still intense. He said, “You have a great capacity for misery and pain. Most people with your level of pain would be crying all the time and you haven’t cussed or anything.” My oldest son, 5 at the time, was gentler, asking me how my back was feeling and telling me that he hoped I felt better.

This was an incident I needed to remember as I’m being stretched in this season like so many recovering strong black women are stretched. My to do list of being a part of caring for my mom, husband and children while still maintaining outside of the family ministry has left me wondering should I be doing all that I’m doing. The physical exertion most times just seems to be too much. But I thank God that He knows my capacity and that what I carry is helping those who are weaker. What an honor to suffer for righteousness’ sake.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#521-530
Managing the children in not so fretful a manner as I usually would be in after not taking care of some business before they woke up
Finally signing up for a writing service
Getting to bed by 11 a.m., yay!
Another Monday where I felt God’s strength
Waking up mostly refreshed
God giving me book promotional ideas
Enjoying the boys play at the park
Justus saying “wee” as he swung
Watching a movie then spending intimate time with Flynn
Another great blog post from God

Week of Losts

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Lost: Dead because of your disobedience and your many sins, living like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world, who is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature (Adapted from Ephesians 2:1-3).

Last week was the week of losts in my home. I lost a piece to my blender and one of my favorite hats; Flynn lost his hat; Josh lost his play notes; Nate lost an apple; my mama lost a piece of gum; and Justus walked around after being asked did he see any of the lost items saying, “I ‘on know.” And I fretted a bit, not wanting my nose to eventually lead me to the spoiled apple or my unknowing foot to smash a chewed piece of gum into my carpet. As I prayed about being fretful I began to praise as I saw what I could have had:

Lost hope
Lost strength
Lost vision
Lost relationships
Lost love
Lost fight

But some of you had these losses. You were tired of fighting so you just gave up; you lost your job, a relationship, some other great love, so you lost hope; you have been so swamped in your problems and issues that you lost your vision for a better life. Your sorrows may have been so strong that you forgot that what you are going through are but light afflictions and Jesus died for your greatest affliction—eternal death (2 Corinthians 4:17). The biggest ‘lost’ that you had was that of a sinner who was in need of salvation, but Jesus found you. He died for you before your mama’s mama, mama’s mama, mama’s mama…ever was, before you would ever be. This is where I began to focus to restore my joy, what I gave away for some missing inanimate objects, none that could set me free or save me. I praise God for recovering lost me, sealing me to the day of His return and keeping me from falling into the clutches of despair and sin (Ephesians 1:13-14).

My One Thousand Gifts List

#511-520
Dinner with my in-laws
Nate’s voice
Justus saying “Josh”
Bubbling-over love for Flynn
Sharon stopping by to give me a funny birthday card and some money
Going to bed around 10:30 p.m.
A joyous time with the Lord in the kitchen while doing dishes and in my quiet time space
An old classmate saying I inspire him to do what he was meant to do and that “you even saved my man”
Candace and Chloe (my nieces) getting saved!
Finishing a richly packed blog while talking on the phone