Category Archives: Multitudes on Mondays

Persecuted for Righteousness

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One of my pet peeves is people with little to no knowledge base telling me what to do. I especially take exception when these advisers don’t have an intimate connection with me and try to guide me in critical areas, like raising my children. In these times I find it hard to show grace and the love of Jesus Christ, but these are the instances where grace and love need to be shown the most. Though I know this, my recovering strong black woman self has a hard time being like Christ, but I am working on it by simply clenching my lips or nodding my head or mustering a small smile. I try to do anything to keep my mouth shut so the wrong words don’t come out. What also helps me is that I am probably being persecuted for righteousness’s sake if God told me to do what others are trying to get me to change. Most of us don’t want opposition. Most of us don’t like conflict. Most of us don’t want to hurt, but if we are living for Christ all of these should be expected, and they place us in good company. Read more of my thoughts on this from a parenting perspective (though the points I make apply beyond parenting) in my latest EEW Magazine column that begins below:

One of my relatives has had a lot to say about a lot of my business. She has told me how I should interact with my husband, particularly what I withhold from him (physically, emotionally, information-wise and financially), how I should care for my recovering mother, and how I should parent my children. I would not mind hearing what she has to say if she were being reasonable, if she were giving me practical and godly advice because she saw I lacked wisdom.

No, she just believes that her opinions have merit because “the good Lord has let me live on this earth longer than you.” But her biggest issue is that my husband and I decided to home educate our children. I know homeschooling isn’t novel and parents are opting to educate their children in a number of ways, but to this 70-plus year-old woman, homeschooling is foreign and has no place in our family.

“He’s going to miss the most important day of his life, his first day of kindergarten,” she said after my oldest turned 5.

“Why do you want to do that, Rhonda?” she said another time.

“How is he going to have friends, Rhonda?” she wanted to know.

And each time she commented, like the time I had to tell her she could no longer babysit my son because she defied our instructions in nursing his cold, I said. . .Read more here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#601-610
Dinner with the Carrs
Cooking dinner early
Polishing my nails
Praying while holding Nate on the kitchen floor
Having a rich time of prayer with Nate
Bobbi watching the boys
Nichole’s book-launch party
Not being rude to someone who clearly snubbed me
Getting a ministry engagement and a possible mistress of ceremony job for just MCing my friend’s party
Hanging and having a good time with Flynn

Forever Thankful

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Loving my freedom
Living my life
All because of US soldiers and Jesus Christ
Laying down their lives

I honor and thank them this Memorial Day.

May God bless you today as you remember those who gave their lives for us to live ours.

My One Thousand Gifts List

591-600
Perfecting my gluten-free pancake recipe
Family Fun Day at Joshua’s school
The kids in bed before 9 p.m.
Folding laundry
God speaking to me to cuddle with my husband when I didn’t want to
A devotional time where God challenged me and to share with others to think about the joy set before us from the crosses we must bear
Shopping at Forman Mills where I got two handbags, two skirts and shoes for Nate
Designer boots at a resale shop for $11
Buying items to create a new idea
Tabitha available to watch the boys

Cool v. Consecrated

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Recovering strong black women have great burdens to shake, arguably the heaviest among them is making sure that everyone—family, friends, co-workers, bosses and underlings—is okay, that each feels and looks ok, and not only that those folks are okay but that others think those folks are okay, too. I think we feel this burden the most with our children, whether biological or spiritual. We want them to feel good about themselves, help them look good and teach them skills so they feel good about themselves and so that others feel good about them too. We just want them to fit in, even though we may contradict that when we push them so hard to excel in school, perhaps pushing them to be the best in their class. And there is nothing wrong with pursuing excellence. In fact, we all should, but for what reason?

Do we push our children to be the best so others will accept them or so they stand above the rest so we can smile with pride? Though I don’t explore in my latest EEW article the possibility of planting pride in our children, I do explore whether or not we emphasize their being cool over their being consecrated to the Lord. I praise God that for most of my life I didn’t worry about whether or not I was cool, but more importantly I praise God that He showed me my pride in those years and prompted me not to want to continue to swim in it. My great burden as a recovering strong black woman has been to shake my pride so I wouldn’t embrace being cool but would embrace being consecrated and that I could teach my sons the same. Read my column, which begins below, and let me know here on the blog and at the magazine site what your experience has been balancing the cool and consecration factors in your and your children’s lives.


My Joshua warms my heart. He’s kind, helpful and ultra compassionate. His tender 9-year-old heart finds the good in people whose actions consistently tell you they mean you no good. He’s a little quirky, indulging in the creation of academic worksheets for fun in addition to more traditional pastimes, like playing basketball and reading (especially the Bible). He talks and asks a bunch of questions about history, geography and the Bible. He loves the Bible, thinks he may be a pastor and wants to help just about everyone he sees in need. And he has a habit of falling, being a bit clumsy and somewhat awkward. Perhaps this is just a stage he is going through, but I sometimes worry about him making new friends and navigating other important social situations.

One of my relatives noticed that Joshua is awkward and told another relative that he wanted Joshua to hang with him so he could make him ‘cool.’ I was appalled and ashamed. How could my relative not think Joshua was good enough, that he was okay, perhaps just going through a transitional phase? And what hadn’t my husband and I done to help Joshua fit in so others wouldn’t be offended by his awkward sensibilities? My husband and I long ago had decided that our children being consecrated as opposed to being cool was our goal, but with my relative noticing Joshua’s awkwardness I entertained shifting my emphasis to creating classes on being cool.
I know I’m not alone. As Christian parents, even we want our children to be accepted among their peers. The question for us is, “To what extent do we go to ensure that our children are socially accepted?” Read more by clicking here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#581-590
Hearing from agent and consultant regarding my book proposal
Tabitha being available to watch the children next week Wednesday and Friday
God waking me up early to spend time with Him
Finishing my blog post before 9 a.m. (and even most of it before taking Joshua to school)
Being conscious of not raising my voice at the children
Another long day with Flynn gone all evening helping me to practice longsuffering and the Fruit of the Spirit
Keeping the kitchen clean
A supportive and comforting husband
A morning nap
Good fellowship with Simone, Tiffany and their children

Holding On in Your Holding Pattern

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Saturday a dear sister in Christ told me she felt like she was in a holding pattern. She has been waiting for this promise the Lord gave her but it has yet to come to pass. She has begun to wonder if what was promised is really for her, if she heard right and if she needs to look somewhere else. I know this feeling. For one promise in particular, I have been in a holding pattern for 10 years. Over these 10 years God has shown me the depth of my pride, that deep-seeded section of my heart that masked itself as a subtle part of my personality. Others could see my actions or hear my words and not immediately see it was pride. But man sees the outward appearance; God sees the heart and knows so well how wicked it can be (1 Samuel 16:7; Jeremiah 17:9). While in my holding pattern, I have had an eagle’s eye view of my sin and the wreckage it would cause if I had landed in my new season prematurely. Over these 10 years God has given me several words to help me succeed in my coming season. As my season is coming to an end, I recognize these words as the foundation on which I will land and continue to stand firm on when I get to my next level. Holding patterns can be frustrating: They make you antsy; they make you doubt; they may make you fear, but they are good.

When pilots keep the plane mid-air they announce that they must remain in the air until they are cleared for landing. The weather may be bad, there might be too many planes on the tarmac or the air traffic controllers may be busy guiding other planes. Whatever the issue, pilots keep planes in a holding pattern because it’s not safe to land. When you are in a holding pattern, it’s not safe for you to land in your new season. And God, the pilot of our lives, will tell us why it’s not safe for us to land. We may have pride issues, procrastination problems, fear of man issues, integrity problems, unhealthy competition in our character, or a lack of love. But God is saying “I am the author and finisher of your faith. I will complete the perfect work I began in you and put in you before the foundation of the earth. You will succeed if you just trust and believe in me. So take heed.”

So while you are in your holding pattern I want you to hold on by serving the Lord with gladness (Psalm 100:2). Whatever work God has you doing while waiting, you can complete the work with a joyful heart. While in your holding pattern don’t complain about being in a holding pattern, examine your heart for sin issues that will directly affect your new season and work on changing, serve others as you would have them to serve you and speak well of your present season. The season is ordained and, as such, is reason to be glad.

God wants us to be safe. Let’s praise and thank God that He knows His business and a part of His business is guiding us to safely land where He created us to be. And sometimes His guiding includes holding patterns.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#571-580
Flynn buying dinner so I wouldn’t have to cook
Nate’s concern about Josh’s hurting toe
Getting showered and dressed before taking Joshua to school
Nate and Joshua hugging
Getting Joshua to school by 7:30 a.m.
Justus hiding Joshua’s deodorant and laughing about it when Justus tried to take it from under his body (the hiding place)
God helping me to see His good prominently in three ways over the last two days: 1) Reading about and hearing Psalm 18 within one hour of each other; 2) Receiving flowers in the midst of chaos; 3) God’s reminding me that the consequence of one of my sins could be worse
A two and a half hour nap
Productive social media activity
A quick, easy and tasty dinner

Dare to Date

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This season of mothering has been intense for me as my children’s personalities, likes and dislikes are becoming clearly evident. At times it can be scary for me, wondering if I am guiding them right, bending their wills to the will of the Lord without stripping them of the essence God gave them to worship Him. As a recovering strong black woman I fight against trying to control situations. I want to be clear about the difference between training my children to give them a good foundation and simply trying to make them do what I believe is best for them. Though I always seek to operate according to God’s Word, sometimes the lines are blurred when raising my beautiful strong-willed boys. Though I have a few years before they will be of typical dating age, I have recently been thinking about whether or not to let them date. My great concern is their spiritual, physical and emotional integrity. I know that I can’t prevent them fornicating, but I also know I don’t have to make it easy for them either; I don’t have to give my blessing to an supervised one-on-one interaction where temptation may just be too great for them or the girl they are with to control themselves. These are some of my early thought about whether or not I will allow my boys to date (and my husband feels the same way). Read my latest EEW column, which begins below, for more of my thoughts on this:


Whether to let our teens date can be a hairy decision for us Christian parents. We have to consider issues like if our children are mature enough to handle the emotions that come with being in a relationship, if we are providing easy access for them to sin and how they will handle a likely breakup. My oldest child is almost 10 so I have a few years before I really concern myself with his dating, but for some of you the time is now and perhaps more intense as prom season is upon us.

Should you let your children date? Is it biblical to do so? I can’t say for sure, but as I look back on my tumultuous dating life and my hand in helping my goddaughter decide about dating I just don’t know if I will let my sons date. The cons seem to outweigh the pros, not in number but in the potential impact the cons could have on them. Do I risk a lifetime of heartache for a few moments of seeming pleasure for them? Do I let them experience what many term a teenage rite of passage just so they won’t feel left out? To bring perspective to this issue, I talked to Christian parents who have made firm decisions, some to allow their children to date and others who forbid dating. I share their words and scriptures I have been meditating on to help you decide what is best for your children. Read more here.

My One Thousand Gifts List

#561-570
More clothes to giveaway to a couple with a new baby
A beautiful card and monetary gift from a beloved couple
A challenging sermon about racial reconciliation
A pastor who hears from God
Christen babysitting the children
A dinner date with Flynn
A blog custom-written for someone God had on His mind
A Bible study with Joshua in Nehemiah
Joshua asking can we have a “word of the week,” a new big word to learn
God’s grace in caring for the children while Flynn was at DBI